A letter to our son and his fiancée on their Wedding Day

Dear Keely and Alex:

The day is finally here.  It’s been five years since you met. You survived a long-distance relationship, a pandemic, a move from Kentucky to Miami (Keely) and then from Miami to Charlotte (together). And through it all, we have seen your love for each other grow. 

 

As you begin your “Marriage Journey,” we want to share some words of wisdom that we have learned during our own 40-year journey:

 

1. When we got married, everyone would tell us never to go to bed angry. We learned that sometimes it’s better to go to bed angry than to beat each other. Sometimes you need to sleep it off and talk about it the next day when the tempers have cooled off. 

2. A popular phrase is “love is never having to say you’re sorry.” You will need to say “I’m sorry” many times. Hopefully neither one of you is afraid to say it because love means being able to say “I’m sorry” over and over again.

3. Choose your battles. It’s best not to fight over the little things, like who’s going to walk the dogs.

4. Celebrate each anniversary as if it’s your first one. Make it a point of always doing something special on the 6th of October. 

5. Send each other love messages. Your generation doesn’t write on paper much anymore, but occasionally, surprise each other with an actual paper card. We have 40 years of cards and letters stored inside a box. Just recently, we took them all out and read a few from when we started dating. We had to laugh at how tacky we sounded, but we were young and in love. You will appreciate reading those cards in the future.

6. Go on an impromptu date in the middle of the day. You can go on a lunch date, or just meet at a park and share a sandwich together.

7. Say “I love you” to each other at least once a day. And never stop saying it. Even if it’s at night, right before you go to sleep.

8. Surprise each other with gifts “just because.” It doesn’t need to be anything big or fancy. Picking up Keely’s favorite dessert on your way home or getting Alex a book he’s been meaning to read is enough to let each other know that you care.

9. Hopefully one day you will have children. Always remember that the two of you are the roots of the tree and the children are just the branches. The tree cannot survive without the roots. Your children will be happier if you are happy, and you have solid, strong roots. Yes, they will demand your full attention, but don’t take each other for granted. Let them know that mom and dad also need “alone” time.

10. Keep the word “divorce” out of your marriage. Every argument, every disagreement, has a solution, but when you bring “divorce” into the argument as an option, it will become the solution. There is always another path, one that leads to reconciliation.

11. Never sleep in separate rooms even if you are so angry at each other that you don’t feel like sharing a bed. If you get in that habit, eventually you will end up living separately within the same home. Many nights we have gone to bed angry, and we don’t even want to look at each other. But we still share our bed. The following morning, the problem didn’t seem as big as it did the night before.

12. Allow the child in you to come out once in a while, or a lot. If you love doing puzzles, buy yourselves a 1,000-piece puzzle and put it in the middle of the living room table. Your children are going to love the child in you, so sit with them on the floor to play and let the inner child have its way.

13. Always put the other one first. And both of you must be on board because if only one of you does this, eventually resentment and competition will creep into your marriage. But if both of you care more for each other than you do for yourselves, then your love for each other will grow more each day. 

14. Honesty is the best policy. If you start keeping things from each other, soon you will lose trust, which is one of the main ingredients for a successful marriage. It’s very difficult to regain trust once it’s gone. 

15. Put money aside for a rainy day, or even more, save for a hurricane. You never know when life can throw you a curve ball and you may be without a job. They say it’s good to have six months of your salary saved up. I say, if possible, have one year of your salary saved up.

16. By the same token, do not allow your jobs or your material possessions to become the god in your lives. Take time to enjoy life. And not all that is good costs money. If you enjoy the mountains, take a day off and go for a hike. If you enjoy the outdoors, spend a day at the park. If you enjoy the water, go down by the river and have yourselves a picnic. And find time to rest. There is no need to be always on the go. Take time to read a book, watch a movie or enjoy a TV show. If your job starts to take up every minute of your day, where you find yourselves just working and sleeping, stop and plan a different route. Yes, work is important because it opens doors to many things, but you cannot live to work, you have to work to live.

17. Communication is one of the main ingredients to a happy marriage. Keep the lines of communication between you always open. If something bothers you, don’t wait until the kettle boils over. It’s best to vent over little things than wait until they become a major storm.

18. Do not live your marriage in isolation. We humans were created to live in community. Build friendships and cherish them. Find a group where you can do activities together or simply to talk. This will be especially important when you become parents. You will need a whole community behind you to lend you a hand whether it is for advice, babysitting or just for some adult conversation. And you, in return, will be there for them as well.

19. Make room for God in your lives. I know that right now you are young, and you feel that you have the world in your hands. But life can turn upside down from one minute to the next. Don’t keep God inside a drawer only to remember Him when the going gets tough. Your journey will be a lot easier if you allow Him to walk with you every step of the way, not only when the going gets tough.

20. You are not alone on this journey, so whenever you have a question or need some advice, don’t hesitate to grab the phone and make a call. You can call us at any time, day or night. We will always be here for you, and even if we give you a hard time once in a while, we are your biggest cheerleaders because we want you to succeed and have a long-lasting marriage.

 

May God bless you today and always, and may He always walk by your side even when you feel that you don’t need Him. May He bless you with children, and may you never take each other for granted. Enjoy the marriage journey, and may it be a journey of unending love, sprinkled with unexpected surprises, lots of rainbows, plenty of sunshine, filled with joy, incredible adventures, and plenty of romance. 

 

May you live happily ever after. 

 

With love,

Mom and Dad

Let the Pilgrimage Begin

 “Tourists want everything to go exactly as they have planned. Tourists get upset if there are delays… Pilgrims look for signs. If delayed, they ask, ‘What is God trying to say to me?’” Matthew Kelly in “33 Days to Eucharistic Glory.”

Fifteen years ago, I dreamed of going to Greece for our 25th wedding anniversary. We couldn’t make it then, but now, for our 40th anniversary, my dream is finally becoming a reality. 

I love to travel, but for some unknown reason, I have been particularly anxious about this trip. On Sunday, on my way to church, God sent me a sign that everything would be alright. The most beautiful double rainbow appeared in the sky. Rainbows have always had a special meaning for me. And they have always shown up at moments when I’m feeling worried or troubled. I have always felt that it’s God’s way to communicate with me. It’s how He lets me know to let go and allow Him to take control. 

As I knelt in the pew before mass began, I remembered my Eucharistic consecration that I did during Lent. There was a particular meditation that posed the question: “Are you a pilgrim or a tourist?” At that moment, I realized I had two choices: I could take this trip to Greece as a tourist or as a pilgrim. 

If I choose to visit Greece as a tourist, and something goes wrong with my carefully planned itinerary, I will probably get very upset. But if I decide to visit Greece as a pilgrim, I will see changes in plans as signs from God that He wants me to alter my plans. 

I decided right then and there that I would visit Greece as a pilgrim. Yes, I would try to follow my carefully planned itinerary, but I would be flexible and open to changes, trying to see God’s message in every situation.

Little did I know that He would send me the first test within minutes. As we stood to listen to the Gospel reading, my husband told me: “I don’t feel good, I think I’m going to faint.” We were able to get to the car without him passing out, but the entire drive home I was wondering: “Is this the reason I’ve been feeling so anxious? Is this God’s way of telling me that we shouldn’t go on this trip?”

I went back to mass by myself in the afternoon. I prayed to God, “Lord, I am placing this trip in your hands. You know how long I’ve been wanting to go to Greece, but if this is not the right time then hold us back. It’s not the first time nor will it be the last that I’ve had to cancel a trip last minute. Yes, I will be disappointed, but this morning I made the decision that I would treat this trip as a pilgrimage, therefore, I’m giving You full control. You are in charge. If You want us to go, then heal Rafe of whatever it is that has him feeling sick. If whatever he has is serious, then reveal it to us before we get on that plane tomorrow. I love You, Jesus, and I trust You completely.”

It turns out that what my husband had was indigestion. We just landed in Athens. Let the pilgrimage begin. 

Copyright © 2024 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

I Thirst

"The time you spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the best time you will spend on earth. Each moment that you spend with Jesus will deepen your union with Him and make your soul everlastingly more glorious and beautiful in Heaven, and will help bring about everlasting peace on earth." - Mother Teresa

Today, I was thirsting for the Eucharist. I had to go to Hallandale, and I remembered that the parish over there, St. Matthew, has mass on Saturdays at 9 am. I had to rush, but I arrived with three minutes to spare. There was a sign on the church door that said that mass was being held at the parish hall. I made my way there, only to find that all the doors were closed. There were two other people in the same situation. We waited until 9:05, but when no priest showed up, we figured there was no mass. I was truly disappointed.

The Eucharist is supposed to be the topic of my blog this year, but the last time I wrote about the Eucharist was almost three months ago when Father Mike was ordained. This summer, I have not written much. I have been juggling a remodeling, a wedding, a few trips, and wrapping some work that I was not able to finish by the time I closed my business. It’s been overwhelming, and I have pushed writing to the back burner.

I have also not taken the time to go visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I would stop sometimes on my way home from the office. But now that I don’t have an office to go to, I have lost my way to the Blessed Sacrament. It takes real planning to fit it into my schedule, and I have not made the effort. And like St. Mother Teresa says: “The time you spend with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament… will help bring about everlasting peace on earth." No wonder I have been feeling so overwhelmed. I have lost the peace that I find when I spend a few minutes in the Blessed Sacrament.

During the past few Sundays, the readings have been all about the Eucharist. John chapter 6 is known as “The Bread of Life Discourse,” and we have been listening to it for five weeks. This weekend is the conclusion, and it is not a concept that is easy to understand. Jesus lost a lot of his disciples when He said “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day” John 6:54. This is something that you either believe or you don’t. And those that believe, remain faithful, but many who don’t believe are no longer part of the Catholic Church.                    

I recently asked my daughter if she believed that the Eucharist was truly the Body and Blood of Christ. She told me that it was something that she just didn’t understand. I certainly didn’t understand it when I was thirty years old, but now, thirty years later, even though it’s still a mystery that it’s hard to comprehend, I do believe. Just like Peter understood that Jesus had “the words of eternal life” John 6: 68, I believe that just like we need food to nourish our bodies, we need the Eucharist to nourish our souls. And when I don’t receive it often, my soul thirsts.

Since I couldn’t go to 9 am mass, I went to the Vigil mass at St. Augustine. This mass counts for Sunday mass so I don’t need to go tomorrow, but actually, I would have preferred to have received the Eucharist two days in a road. 

There was a story in the bulletin that I would like to share here:

“A group of Christians were gathered for a secret prayer meeting in Communist Russia… Suddenly the door was broken down by the boot of a soldier… with a gun in his hand. They all feared the worst when he said, ‘If there are any of you who don’t really believe in Jesus, get out now while you have a chance.’ There was a rush to the door and in the end only a small group remained. The soldier closed the door and stood in front of those who remained, gun still in hand. Finally, a smile appeared on his face, and as he turned to leave the room he whispered ‘Actually, I believe in Jesus too. And believe me, you’re much better off without those others!”

This made me think. If I were to find myself in a situation like that, in which group would I be? Would I have rushed to the door or would I have remained in the room? 

Those who believe, don’t leave. Am I truly a believer? Or when push comes to shove, will I be like those disciples who “returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied Jesus?” John 6:66.

I thirst for You, Jesus. Please help me to always believe.

Copyright © 2024 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Time… A Precious Gift

 “The one thing I know is that we are all dying every second of our life, inching our way toward the end, hopefully, but dying nonetheless, so we better use our time well while we’re here, because this is it, this is the only time we’ve got.” Jamie Attenburg

There comes a point in our lives when time becomes a very precious gift. Our closets are already crowded with clothes and shoes that we may not even wear, our houses are full of dust-catching trinkets, and we definitely don’t need any more jewelry or purses. In my case, jewelry is my weakness, especially earrings. But as my husband likes to remind me, I only have two ears. I don’t need 100 pairs of earrings. But what a temptation they are. However, I would give them up in a heartbeat if I could exchange them for time. 

Every time I complete another trip around the sun, time becomes more valuable. This is the reason why I decided to start my retirement process, five years earlier than what social security considers my full retirement age. I’m realizing that time is a luxury, and with every day that passes, the value of time increases. 

I need time to celebrate and enjoy every aspect of my life. When we are rushing through life, we take for granted the little things. Being able to go to lunch with a friend on a Monday, dedicating a Wednesday morning to go for a walk on the beach, going to the movies on a Friday afternoon, or just simply setting aside a full Tuesday to go to the spa. All those little things that there’s no time for when we have to sit behind a computer 8 to 12 hours a day. 

I need time to travel. I have been able to travel a lot in spite of the limited time. Yes, it’s been a balancing act, but by the same token, without work, there would have been no money for travel. But now, I’m hoping to have the time to travel even more, without the constraint of not being able to do it the first four months of the year.

I need time to spend with my family. This one is even more important to me than the previous two, but by the same token, it must be combined with number two. My kids all moved out of state, therefore, spending time with them requires traveling. 

And last but not least, I need time for God. As I was cleaning out my office, I found a box of articles from when I used to write for “La Voz Católica” (The Catholic Voice). It made me realize that when my kids were little, and I had a lot less free time than I do now, I used to spend a lot more time serving others. Not only did I write for the archdiocese newspaper, I would volunteer to help out at my kids’ school, I would serve at Emmaus, and as a couple, my hubby and I would serve in Camino (marriage retreats) and help our parish with FOCUS (meeting with couples that were about to get married). Somehow, through the years, I have become complacent. Yes, I go to church and Bible classes. I have a blog, and write occasionally. But now that I’m retiring from full time work, I can definitely do more. I just have to pray and discern so I can figure out where God wants me to serve. 

Time is a gift that can’t be recovered. I don’t want my life to be measured by how many hours I worked. I want it to be measured by how much time I spent doing the things I enjoy with the people I love. And I want to make sure that if I make it to heaven, God will be waiting to tell me: “You served me well, welcome to your new heavenly home you faithful servant.”

Copyright © 2024 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Ending the Third Chapter with No Regrets

“Forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal.” Phil 3:13-14

Three days after my youngest child was born, I found out that the bank I worked for had been sold. The bank that purchased it offered me a job, but I had to relocate to North Carolina where they had the headquarters. I was not willing to do that since I had three small children and all my family was in Miami. Therefore, I decided to venture out on my own. That was almost thirty years ago. 

This week, I closed my accounting office. It’s the end of what I consider the third major chapter of my life. The first one was my childhood and teenage years. During that chapter, I was a student. The second chapter was the start of my marriage, the early years of motherhood, and the beginning of my career. In the third chapter, I saw my kids fly from the nest to become independent adults. During this chapter, my accounting practice also grew tremendously. Now, I’m ready to start the fourth and final chapter, which I hope brings lots of time to spend with my husband traveling while visiting our kids and grandkids who are spread out between North Carolina and New York. I also hope it opens the door to do something worthwhile with whatever time I have left here on earth. 

Last year, I read a book titled “The Fourth Quarter of your Life: Embracing What Matters Most” by Allen Hunt and Matthew Kelly. It made me stop and reflect. How do I want to spend the final chapter of my life? Do I want to spend it accumulating more or do I want to spend it enjoying what I have already accumulated? The answer was easy, but turning the page has been more difficult than I anticipated. It was almost like the evil one wanted to keep me from retiring.

What began thirty years ago with just one client, has grown exponentially. Last year, I prepared over 600 tax returns. I had a solid practice, and I decided to sell it. And that’s when the fun began. Every unimaginable obstacle got on my way, and everything that I had planned crumbled. But God always has a better plan. When all the doors closed in my face, He opened a wider and much better door.

It’s been bittersweet saying goodbye to clients that have been with me for three decades. Many times, I was more than their accountant. They would come to my office, drink a cafecito, and we would talk about more than numbers. Sometimes, I felt like I was their psychiatrist because they would spill all their troubles. And I was happy to lend an ear, even if I couldn’t resolve all their issues. 

I thought I would be fully finished by now, but God wanted me to savor the end of the third chapter just a little bit longer. And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m starting the fourth one, but I’m not jumping from one to the next. I’m waltzing slowly into the last chapter, while still savoring the final pages of the previous one. And I have no regrets.

Copyright © 2024 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Remember Who You Are

“This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17

I love the movie “The Lion King.” It has so many great lessons. One of those lessons is when Mufasa, the father lion king, tells his son Simba, “remember who you are.”

On Saturday, I was blessed to attend the priesthood ordination of Father Michael Martinez, and on Sunday, I attended his first mass. Father Mike is two years younger than Rafi, my oldest. But they used to hang around with the same group of friends, and thus, I got to know him a little bit during the Belen years. It’s pretty amazing to see him now as a priest. And even more amazing, to hear him talk. His first homily left me speechless. 

His first mass coincided with the feast of Corpus Christi. How appropriate to celebrate this feast on his first Eucharistic miracle. Yes, a miracle. Every time that bread and wine is transformed into the Body and Blood of Christ, a miracle takes place. And Father Mike got to perform his first miracle on Sunday.

Even though I’m what is known as a “cradle Catholic,” it was not until recently that I began to take the Eucharist seriously. Yes, I believed in the Real Presence, but I took it for granted. I never stopped to think about the Miracle that takes place in every altar around the world at the moment of Consecration. My eyes were opened when I attended an exhibit about all the Eucharistic Miracles that have taken place through the centuries. The exhibition was put together by soon to be Saint Carlo Acutis. Reading about those 107 miracles made me realize that I was not seriously paying attention to the Miracle that I was witnessing every Sunday. Carlo Acutis included 107 miracles in his exhibition, but the Vatican has approved more than 150 such cases.

Father Mike talked during his homily about another miracle that takes place when we receive the Eucharist. Not only are we receiving the Body and Blood of Christ, we actually become the Body and Blood of Christ. I had never thought of it this way. But it makes sense. Just like Mary carried Christ in Her Body, when we receive the Eucharist, we are carrying Christ in our body. And we are called to take Him out of the Church and share Him with the world.

Father Mike has been serving at a church in Cuba, and he will be returning there now as a priest. His ordination was streamed live to that church in Cuba. Thankfully, there were no electricity outages, something very common in Cuba, so the people were able to watch the entire mass. Not only watch it, they participated. And when the Eucharist was being consecrated in Miami, the Miracle was also taking place in Cuba. This is another aspect of the Eucharist that Father Mike emphasized in his first homily. The Eucharist unites us with the entire world because we are one body. The miracle takes place in every altar around the entire world when a mass is celebrated.

Father Mike’s parents gave him a special gift for his ordination: a chalice and a paten. He used them for the very first time at his first mass: the paten to turn the bread into the Body of Christ and the chalice to turn the wine into His Blood. The paten was engraved with the following verse picked by his mother: “Do whatever He tells you,” John 2:5. This is what Mama Mary tells the servants at the Wedding Feast of Cana. And this is what Father Mike’s mom is telling him on his ordination day: “Do whatever He tells you.” She knows that the way to the Heart of Christ is through obedience, thus she’s telling Father Mike, to listen to God’s voice and obey Him. We can learn from this too. These words are like a bright beacon pointing the way to our happiness. Surrendering our lives to God is the only way to true happiness. During the ordination, Father Mike prostrated himself on the floor with his arms wide open, like a cross. This was a sign of surrender. He is giving all of himself to God, and through this surrender, he will find true happiness.

His father engraved the chalice with the following verse: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” Matthew 3:17. When I heard this, I got goosebumps because I knew there was a double meaning to this message. One meaning was coming directly from God who is very pleased with his son Mike who has just given his life to the service of the Church and for the greater glory of God. But I also knew that the message was also coming directly from the father’s heart. Father Mike’s biological father passed away when Mike was five-years-old. His mom remarried when Mike was a teenager. Since I also had a step-father, those words touched my heart. It is one thing to be loved by your own father, but to feel that love from a step-father is pretty special. And to witness that special bond between Mike and his step-father made me take out my tissues. 

At the end of the mass, Father Mike gave a gift to his parents. He gave his father the stole that he used when he performed his first confession. At that point, he spoke about the fact that he has two fathers, one in heaven and one on earth. When he presented the stole to his earthly father, and they hugged, there was not a dry eye in that church. And to his mother, he gave the handkerchief that was used to clean the chrism oil from his hands. The idea is that the day she dies, she will be buried with that handkerchief so that when she gets to heaven, she will present it to God and tell Him, “God, I gave you my greatest treasure, my son.” Tissues once again.

Father Mike wrote a beautiful poem that encompasses what we are called to do as Christians.

Just like the Lion King, this weekend made me “remember who I am.” It helped me to remember and be proud of my Catholic roots. Yes, I am proud to be part of a Church that can be traced back all the way to Jesus Christ, because He established it when He gave the keys to Peter. And I am so thankful that Jesus has stayed with us in the Eucharist. Thank You, Jesus, for the gift of the Eucharist. Thank You for allowing us to witness the miracle of seeing a simple piece of bread turn into your Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity during every mass.

Jesus, please keep Father Mike safe as he returns to Cuba to bring your Word and the Eucharist to a country that is so hungry, not just for food, but for You. We thank You for calling him to shepherd your flock, and we pray for him and his vocation. Our young people need more priests like Father Mike, priests that are so in love with You that they are willing to sacrifice their entire lives in order to follow You. Father Mike, go set the world on fire, and always remember to keep your hands open. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.

Copyright © 2024 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.