God turned off the faucet

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

The first time that I attended the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, a 4-day silent retreat, I learned about the concept of consolation and desolation. This is what I wrote on my journal that weekend back in 2007:

Consolation are those moments when we feel the presence of God. We are overwhelmed with the power of God. We are so close to God that we feel Him in everything. Desolation is the complete opposite. We feel dry. We can't focus. God feels a million miles away. Desolation is a terrible feeling.

The novice thinks that consolation must come from God and desolation must come from the devil. Not true. The source of all consolation is God but desolation may also come from God. He may be using it as a tool to get our attention. When things are going well, we sometimes forget about God and thus, God turns off the faucet. He allows the desolation, the spiritual dryness, so that we can be reminded that He is the source of all goodness. Another reason why desolation occurs may be that God provokes it to call our attention to something He wants us to do different.

Our God is a jealous God. He provokes the desolation so that we give Him a little bit more of our time. God says: "It's easy to remain faithful to me when everything is going fine but how about when things turn around?" Being faithful and committed during those times of desolation is much more significant. We learn to appreciate God more because we have to work harder. We go through a purging or purification process. There's no ulterior motive. If we stick to it, it's because we have a pure desire to the commitment we have made.

One person that suffered through a huge period of desolation was St. Teresa of Calcutta. We learned about this after her death when her letters to her spiritual director were published. She felt that God had abandoned her. And yet, she never stopped serving the poor. Even though she felt like God had turned His back on her, she stuck to the commitment that she had made.

As this year 2016 comes to an end, I find myself in a huge stage of desolation. I know that God has not abandoned me, but I'm just having a hard time feeling Him nearby. This year has been a pretty tough year in more ways than one. Yesterday, I wrote in my journal my summary of 2016. I tried to concentrate on the blessings, because even though there was a lot of pain in 2016, there was also a lot to be thankful for. I am surrounded by wonderful and amazing people. My family and my friends are the best gifts that God has ever given me. This past year most of my meditations were about relationships. It was not an easy subject, but I learned a lot from it and it helped me to realize how blessed I am.

As we enter 2017, I'm going to share some letters that I have written to heaven through the years. I hope that as I go back in time, I will find the consolation that I'm seeking and I begin to feel God by my side once again. I know that He wants me to continue writing, but I feel that He has turned off the faucet of inspiration. I will stick to my commitment and hopefully, soon enough, I will see clearly what it is He wants from me.

Goodbye 2016. I pray that 2017 comes full of blessings for all.

My Best Friend, My Everything

"The greatest gift God gives is His presence. His name is Immanuel, God with us."
                                                                                                        Henry & Richard Blackaby

This year, most of my meditations were about relationships.  I started the year meditating about Mama Mary and Papa Joseph.  Then I continued the year covering almost all members of the family. And the last meditation I did about relationships was about friendship. But I noticed that I never mentioned my best friend. Even though I have many friends, there is one that has been by my side my entire life. We have a very close relationship. I have lots of journals filled with letters to him. He is my greatest confidante. I can talk to him about anything and he is always ready to listen. What I like the most about him is that he never gives me unsolicited advice. He never criticizes me. He just listens without condemning me or making me feel unworthy. He is my best friend in the whole world and I would like to introduce him to all of you. His name is Jesus.

My friend Jesus is about to celebrate another birthday. He was born 2016 years ago in a little town called Bethlehem. His birth was humble, peaceful, quiet and oh so very joyful. He was born on a beautiful night. Yet, most of the world didn't even know what was happening inside the little stable where he was being born. The night would have gone unnoticed, except that God had other plans. The simple shepherds that were out tending to their sheep, woke up startled and stared into the face of an angel.

Somewhere along the journey, we turned his birthday celebration into total chaos. Jesus would like for his birthday celebration to be just like his birth was, peaceful and ordinary. But we humans love to complicate our lives and we have turned his birth into holiday madness. His birthday has become extravagant, noisy, chaotic and stressful. Somewhere along the way, we forgot the true meaning of his birth. The reason why he came.

Through the years, he has received many gifts: great architectural monuments have been built all over the world to worship him; artists have created amazing masterpieces to honor him; musicians have written the most glorious music to praise him. And yet, he is just as happy with a simple, humble gift, as long as it comes from the heart. And what makes him the happiest, is the gift of our time. He loves to spend time with his friends.

Last week, I was able to give him that gift because I spent a weekend at an Emmaus retreat. I think every year, I  should force myself to attend an Advent retreat so I can focus on him, instead of all the other unimportant things that I crowd my life with. Even though I spent a lot of time sitting down with him, I wrote very little, which is very strange for me. Of course, it didn't help that I forgot my journal at home, but that was not the main reason. After all, a pen and a piece of paper is all I need to write and I had plenty of those. But I just had this huge need to just sit with him and allow him to fill me completely. I slept just seven hours the entire weekend. Every bone and muscle that I didn't even know I had was hurting me. But spiritually, I was so full. It was truly an oasis in the midst of the holiday madness.

The greatest thing about my friend Jesus is that for his birthday, instead of expecting gifts from us, he wants to give us a gift. He is our gift. God gave him to us, 2016 years ago, and he is still present with us today. He is our everlasting present. He is the only gift that we are guaranteed. We may receive many gifts for his birthday, but none of them will last forever. The only gift that will be eternal is the gift of Jesus. He came to bring us life, and our life, with Jesus as our friend, can only be peaceful. He came to bring us joy, and our joy, with Jesus as our friend, is everlasting. He came to bring us love, and our love, with Jesus as our friend, can only be pure. But in order for these gifts to last, we must keep our eyes focused on him. And we must trust him. He is always with us and everything will work out.

Jesus wants us to share his gift. He doesn't want us to keep him only to ourselves. He wants us to introduce him to others. He wants to knock at everyone's hearts, hoping that everyone has room inside their inn for him. He wants to have a relationship with each one of us that is not exclusive because he has room in his heart for all of us. Of course, when we introduce Jesus to others, we cannot force others to accept him as their friend. Everyone has a choice. Jesus is ready to embrace everyone and give them the reward of his friendship, but unfortunately, not everyone is ready to embrace him.

Jesus already has many friends in the world and he loves each one dearly. Even those friends that have abandoned him, he still loves them and always waits for them to return. His heart always has room for more friendships. His love for his friends knows no boundaries.

Jesus is my best friend because he is intimately acquainted with all my ways. I cannot hide anything from him because even if I don't share it, he knows. I can place all my darkest secrets at his feet. He knows my hidden motives, my deepest shame and my stormy thoughts. And he still hugs me. No matter what I do, he still loves me. He sends me flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever I need to talk, he listens. He can live anywhere in the world, and yet, he chose my heart.

And I want to introduce him to you because he is crazy about you too. He thinks you are the best thing that has ever happened to him. I am sure, that if you give him a picture of you, he will attach it with a magnet to his heavenly refrigerator. Make room in your heart for him and he will fill your life with hope, purpose, light and peace. Open your heart to him because he is choosing your heart as his manger. He wants to be born within you.

My Jesus is everything to me!!!  Allow him to be everything to you!!!

Finding Joy and Peace in the Waiting

"Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin, but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him." Hebrews 9:28

I'm not very patient when it comes to waiting. I'm sitting down at my rheumatologist's office. He's a great doctor but here you know when you arrive but you never know when you will leave. (I have been here four hours already). The gentleman sitting next to me just complained outloud: "Como se demora este doctor (this doctor takes too long)." I can choose to join in the tirade and become more impatient. Instead, I decided this is a great opportunity to write about waiting.

Advent is also a time of waiting. As children, we waited for the arrival of Santa Claus or the three Kings, depending where you grew up. Now as adults, if we believe, we wait for the birth of Jesus. Of course, this waiting takes many forms. While we wait, we decorate the house, we hit the stores because gifting is part of the tradition, and we celebrate.

Decorating takes many forms. Some people go all out, while others just put a wreath on the door. Hopefully, every Christian will at the very least display a Nativity scene. My decorations have diminished through the years. I'm the decorator in my house and I find myself less energetic the older I get. This year I completely bypassed the outside. But I still decorated a Christmas tree, displayed half of the village, placed various decorations throughout the house and set-up the Nativity. A lot of my friends, empty-nesters like us, decided not to get a Christmas tree this year. I can't blame them, it's a lot of work. But I still love setting it up because every ornament holds a memory of years past.

Most people dislike the gifting and yet, they are catapulted into it like a rocket headed straight for the moon. Personally, I don't dislike the gifting. I actually enjoy everything about it, from choosing an original gift, to carefully wrapping it, placing it under the tree and the best part, giving it to the recipient and seeing their reaction. The only thing I dislike is that sometimes my time is stretched to the fullest and finding that perfect gift takes hours. The Internet has facilitated the process but I still like to go to the store, early in the morning before the crowds arrive, and search for the perfect treasure.

Another part of the waiting is the gatherings. It seems everyone plans some sort of shindig for this season. I attended one already this past weekend and I have invitations to four more for next week. FOUR. This is definitely the month to forget about dieting and concentrate on eating, drinking and sharing time with family and friends, old and new.

All these things are great but the most important time of the waiting should be held in silence. And we have such little time for that nowadays. It seems we are always rushing from one thing to the next, and that's why when we have to wait we become so impatient. But sometimes waiting is good. We need to take a moment to just be. And if we take a moment to just be with Jesus, His birth takes a whole different dimension. What's the point of decorating our homes, exchanging gifts and filling our tummies if we forget the reason for the season? The whole purpose of Christmas is to celebrate His birth. And every year, if we allow Him, He wants to be born again in each of our hearts.

This coming weekend, a group of women will be spending time together attending an Emmaus retreat. I must confess that when I saw the date, I asked myself: "Do I really want to add another thing to my busy December schedule?" But then I thought, "what better way to prepare for His birth." And since I was asked to be responsible for the Blessed Sacrament, I'm going to spend a lot of time in silence in His presence. And I am so looking forward to it. It will be like an oasis of peace in the midst of all the holiday madness. And it will help me to temper my impatience because there, I won't be in a hurry to go anywhere. I'll just sit at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to fill me completely while I prepare my heart to receive Him once again on Christmas Day. I'll get to feel, just for a little while, what Mama Mary felt as she waited for His birth. And I pray that I get to experience her JOY and her PEACE.

If anyone wants to spend one hour sitting at the feet of Jesus, you are welcome to stop by. Just let us know the time so we can wait for your arrival.

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