Even though this year Lent began later than usual, it just creeped up on me. I must confess that I do not like Lent. Can you blame me? Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice...
I went to mass last night for Ash Wednesday. As I knelt on the pew, I felt totally unprepared for this Lenten journey. I have not gone to confession in a year. I usually try to go right before Advent and right before Lent. I missed Advent, and I did not go before Lent. Sometimes, I do a retreat, but not this year. I have also not signed up to do any special online Lenten preparations.
On Tuesday night, when I realized that Lent was upon me, I began to think about what to give up this Lent. Most years, I know way in advance what I’m going to give up. This year... I had no clue. Should I give up Facebook? No, I did that last year and I’m not addicted to Facebook anymore. Should I give up chocolate? I could, but it did not seem enough of a sacrifice. Should I give up Madeline’s? I am definitely addicted to them. My day starts with a cortadito and a Madeline. Should I give up desserts? That would definitely be a good thing to give up for my waistline. In the end, I decided to give up all sweets. Boy, I am surely going to miss my Madeline’s, my Dove chocolates and my desserts, because I do have a sweet tooth.
Even after deciding on my sacrifice, I still felt completely unprepared for this Lenten season. I arrived to church, and I had a hard time tuning out all the noise and distractions around me. It was the CCD mass, so half the church was packed with children who would not stop talking. I also sat next to a couple who clearly suffered from FOMO. Both of them were on their phones texting and surfing. Finally, I closed my eyes and prayed to Jesus to allow me to tune out the distractions so I could hear His message.
I figured I would hear His message in the homily. The priest compared the ashes to the seal you get on your passport when you travel. He said that Lent is a journey, and the ashes are the seal you receive to welcome you on the journey. It made a lot of sense, but I still missed Jesus’ message to me.
I went through the motions during the entire mass. I got my ashes, together with over a thousand people. What is it about the ashes that bring so many people to church? Even the FOMO couple sitting next to me was obviously there just for the ashes, since they left as soon as they received the ashes. I obviously did not hear Jesus’ message in the ashes since I was being critical of everything that was happening all around me.
And then, it came time to receive Communion. By this time, half the people had already left. I thought to myself, “They are missing the better part. They just don’t get it. They came for the ashes, and they don’t realize that Jesus is alive in the Eucharist.” I went up to receive the Body of Christ, and I noticed the hands of the Eucharistic minister. They were the hands of a humble, working man. His nails were filled with black sod and he had callused fingers. I thought to myself, “he’s probably a gardener who landscapes for a living.”
When I returned to my pew, I could not stop thinking about the Eucharistic minister. Here was a humble gardener handing out the Body of Christ. And I thought, that is what is all about. Jesus chose the most humble of men to spread His message. Who were the disciples? Twelve simple men, most of them fishermen, with dirty nails and callused hands. And here I was, two thousand years later, receiving the Body of Christ and His message from a simple man with dirty nails and callused hands. While I was in my pew casting judgment on the FOMO couple next to me, this humble man, who had probably worked all day, was here witnessing to Christ. By sharing the Eucharist with this sinful servant, He had opened my eyes to Jesus’ message to me.
It is Lent again... Oh Yes!!! I have 40 days to remember what Jesus did for me. I have 40 days to remember that He sacrificed His life for me. While He gave it all, all I’m giving up is sweets. And I’m complaining about it. Boy, do I need this Lent.
Jesus, help me to walk this Lenten journey with You. Help me to remember those that are carrying a heavy cross. Help me to realize that my little sacrifice can never measure up to the huge sacrifice You did for me. Help me to criticize less and praise more. Help me to open my heart so that You can resurrect within me. Help me to grow closer to You during the next 40 days. Help me to return to You with my whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning. Help me to rend my heart, not my garments. Help me to return to You, my LORD, my God.
I love You, Jesus!!!
