Today, I Am Grateful

 “Give thanks in all circumstances.” 1 Thes 5:18

I keep telling myself, “tomorrow will be better than today.” It’s the mantra that has kept me from losing hope this year. I keep singing in my head the song from “Annie,” one of my favorite musicals: “The sun'll come out tomorrow so ya gotta hang on'til tomorrow come what may. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow. You're always a day away.”

But until tomorrow gets here, I still have to get through today. And I have two choices. I can live today with a negative attitude, complaining about this horrible year and everything that has gone wrong, or I can live today with a positive attitude, counting my blessings and concentrating on the good things that have taken place instead of all the bad things.

As we approach Thanksgiving, I would like to choose the second option. In spite of 2020 being a crummy year, I still have a lot to be grateful for. Today is a gift. The past is gone and tomorrow is not here yet. But I can concentrate on living the best possible today. This is not easy because social media is constantly reminding me about all the bad things that have taken place this year, but if I get sucked into the past, all that this is going to cause is anxiety, depression and unhappiness. And if I obsess about the future, I am missing out on the good things that the present moment has.

So what am I thankful for today? Here’s my list. I have picked 20 things that I am grateful for in 2020. They are in no particular order. I hope that as you read it, you can come up with a list of your own:

1. Health. Even though some of my family members caught the coronavirus, it was simply, as my sister-in-law put it: “a cold with fear.” I am grateful that they all recovered and are doing fine today.
2. My children and my mom. Even though we have not been able to get together as much as we would have liked, we have found other innovative ways to stay in touch with our weekly Sunday video chats.
3. My hubby. He is my partner in the good and in the bad. I would not have been able to survive some parts of this year without him by my side. He kept me sane and in control. He held my hand and hugged me when I was down. Being quarantined together made me appreciate him even more. He reminds me to enjoy the present moment. 
4. My community of faith, my extended family and my friends who are just a phone or text away. Even when we couldn’t see each other, we kept each other company through prayer, text messages, emails, Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp. Many of your encouraging messages and jokes helped me to make it through each day.
5. My 15-year-old miniature schnauzer, Penny. She kept me company and forced me to get out of the house to walk her around the block a few times each day.
6. My job. In spite of having to work from home, I stayed busy the entire year, and it made the days go by faster. Between helping clients with their SBA loan applications and their tax returns, I did not have a lot of time to think about the bad things happening around me. Therefore, I am grateful for my clients who place their trust in me, and for the three amazing ladies that help me get the job done. They never wavered during the pandemic, always kept a smile on their faces and a very positive attitude whether they had to work from home or be at the office covering the frontlines.
7. My home. I am grateful that we moved into an apartment before the pandemic. Yes, even though sharing the elevator with others sometimes was a bit scary, we survived in community. And, I had an amazing view from my balcony when staying indoors was the only option. Cleaning an apartment was also a lot easier than cleaning an entire house. Four hours and we were done. Cleaning the entire house would have taken an entire day, even if we skipped a few corners.
8. The late afternoon “happy hours.” After a long day of work, that wine and cheese shared in the balcony was music to my soul.
9. Simple things that I have in the past taken for granted... toilet paper, alcohol, hand sanitizer, facial tissue, wipes, disposable gloves, masks... it’s good to go to the supermarket and see that the shelves are fully stocked once again.
10. My bungalow at the beach. Every weekend felt like a mini-vacation. Getting away, walking on the beach and breathing the sea air was therapeutic. It’s what kept me sane during the toughest times.
11. Service personnel... healthcare workers, delivery persons, grocery shop workers, soldiers, firefighters, police officers, maintenance staff... they all had to put duty above personal safety. Hats off to all of you.
12. The people around me, especially those that were understanding, careful, wearing masks, keeping their safe distance and smiling because at the end of the day, we are all in this together.
13. Rest and relaxation. The lockdown gave me time to slow down and reflect on what it’s truly important in life. Life tends to spin by and I don’t even realize it. This year, I’ve had no choice but to rest and relax.
14. This pandemic taught me that I don’t need a lot of material things to be happy. I am more thankful now for the simplicity of my life. Being able to enjoy the sunrise, the sunset, a rainbow, the moon, the stars, a butterfly , a bird singing, finding a ladybug... is so much better than wasting money in things that I don’t really need. I have learned to cherish even a caterpillar walking on the sidewalk.
15. Living a healthy lifestyle. The first few months, I was eating all kinds of junk and I had no energy. Once I switched to eating more healthy, I feel so much better.
16. My blog and my journal. Being able to write my thoughts helps me to put things in perspective.
17. Books, puzzles, movies and some good television series kept me entertained when there was no place to go to.
18. Restaurants. I had not realized how nice it is to enjoy a meal prepared and served by someone else until we could not do it any more.
19. Freedom to vote, something that we take for granted but that a lot of countries lack. Even when the election got heated and the country was totally divided, I was thankful that I was able to cast my vote freely.
20. Last but not least, I am grateful to God for not giving up on me, and to my parents for instilling faith and religion in my life since I was little. Praying and believing that there is something greater than this life has made me survive this pandemic without living in constant fear of succumbing to this virus.

So as this year finally approaches its end, many of us are thinking “2021 will be better than 2020.” We are planning to throw buckets of water out the doors and windows at midnight on New Year’s Eve to get rid of everything bad that happened this year. But at the end of the day, we do not know what 2021 will bring. So let’s enjoy the present moment because that is all we have. Tomorrow is not here yet and yesterday is gone. Today is a gift so let’s concentrate on making it a great day. The sun has come out today. Today, today, I love you, today, because you are already here and I am grateful for this present moment. 

My Soul is Thirsty

 ”You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” Psalm 63:1

When the pandemic began in March and the churches closed, we began to attend mass from our living room. The advantage of technology is that we could watch the live mass through You Tube without fear of catching the corona virus. Eventually, the churches reopened, but we were still weary of attending in person, thus, we continued watching from our living room.

This was all fine and dandy, except for the fact that we were not receiving the Body of Christ. Yes, we were receiving it spiritually, but it is not the same. Eventually, we found the courage to start attending mass in person once again. But somehow, laziness got the best of us. Mass is still being streamed live through You Tube, and it is so much easier just to watch it from our living room, especially on rainy days or if we are running late, that little by little we found that we were attending in person 25% of the time and the other 75%, we were just watching from home. The past couple of months, we have not returned to church. Yes, we are participating in the mass from our living room, sometimes live and sometimes after the fact, but it is definitely affecting my soul.

Today, the responsorial psalm was “My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord my God,” and that’s when it hit me. My soul is thirsty for God. My well is running dry. I need to return to church. I need to receive the Body of Christy, not just spiritually but sacramentally. I need a good confession.

Confession has been evading me this year. I tried to go before the pandemic began, just as Lent was beginning. The line was so long that the priest ran out of time. The following weekend, I planned to go earlier, and the churches closed down because of the pandemic. Then, I heard that St. Augustine was doing drive thru confessions. The day I decided to go, there was no one there. I checked online, and the Pope had prohibited drive thru confessions because of the lack of privacy. Finally, a couple of months ago, I made it on time before mass. The priest was doing confessions outside, a la pandemic. There was no line and only one lady was confessing. It was half an hour before mass so I figured I had plenty of time. Not so. The lady confessing kept going on and on and on. I guess she needed it more than me because by the time she finished, it was fifteen minutes before the mass. The priest gave me confession but it was like a fast food meal. He was rushing me and I got so nervous that I forgot all my sins. I said a couple and he gave me absolution. I know that it counted even for those sins that I had forgotten to mention, but I felt like I had not been satisfied. My soul remained thirsty.

Another thing that I’m missing tremendously is my Bible classes. We are not allowed to meet, therefore the classes are being held via Zoom. I had tried this Zoom thing back on the spring, and I simply didn’t like it at all. I had also been real busy with tax work, so I decided not to register. But now I feel like my thirst is not being quenched. The thirstier I’m becoming, the less I’m praying.

My soul is thirsting for You, my Lord. I have been feeling so spiritually dry lately. I need You, God. I need you to quench my thirst. I need to return to You because I know that You have not abandoned me. It is I who has turned my back on You. Please Lord, lead me back to You. I feel so empty. Help me to refill my well so my soul can be filled once again with your life-giving water. I love You, Lord. I need You, Lord. My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord my God.