The Marriage Journey

 Love is patient, love is kind.” 1 Cor 13:14

My dearest Chabeli and Daniel:

The day has finally arrived when you will be walking down the aisle to promise that you will love each other for the rest of your lives.

You began this journey when you met almost nine years ago. You first got to know each other, you dated and eventually, you moved in together. Two years ago, you decided to plant roots in Charlotte, and last year, you got engaged. 

Today, you begin the marriage journey. What words of wisdom can I share that you don’t know already? I decided to do a comparison with a few things the world tells you and what I have learned in the 39 years of my own marriage journey:

1. The world tells you to never go to bed angry. I tell you that sometimes it’s better to go to bed angry than to beat each other. Seriously, and I’m sure you know this already, sometimes you need to sleep it off and talk about it the next day when the tempers have cooled off. 
2. The world tells you that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Wrong. If that was the case, I would have been divorced within the month, LOL. Definitely feeding him raviolis from a can did not win me his heart. But maybe in Daniel’s case, the way to Chabeli’s heart was preparing her delicious meals. 
3. The world tells you that love is never having to say you’re sorry. Ha ha ha. You will need to say “I’m sorry” many times. Hopefully neither one of you is afraid to say it because love means being able to say “I’m sorry” over and over again.
4. The world tells you to choose your battles. I agree on this one. It’s best not to fight over the little things, like how much luggage to take on a trip. Dad knows exactly what I mean, LOL. 
5. The world tells you not to put your children above your marriage. Very true. You two are the roots of the tree and the children are just the branches. The tree cannot survive without the roots. Your children will be happier if you are happy and you have solid, strong roots. Yes, they will demand your full attention, but don’t take each other for granted. Let them know that mom and dad also need “alone” time.
6. The world tells you that if it doesn’t work out, divorce is always a choice. Don’t allow it to be. Every argument, every disagreement, has a solution, but when you bring “divorce” into the argument as an option, it will become the solution. There is always another path, the one that leads to reconciliation.
7. The world tells you to put “yourself” first. I couldn’t disagree more. You need to put the other one first. But it takes two to tango. If only one of you does this, eventually resentment and competition will creep into your marriage. But if both of you care more for each other than you do for yourselves, then you will always dance to the beat of a passionate tango. 
8. The world tells you that honesty is the best policy. I totally agree. If you start keeping things from each other, pretty soon you will lose trust, which is one of the main ingredients for a successful marriage. It’s very difficult to regain trust once it’s gone. 
9. The world tells you to save for a rainy day. I tell you to save for a hurricane. You never know when life can throw you a curve ball and you may be without a job. They say it’s good to have six months of your salary saved up. I say, if possible, have one year of your salary saved up.
10. The world tells you that you have to do it on your own. Not true. You are not alone on this journey, so whenever you have a question or need some advice, don’t hesitate to grab the phone and make a call. You can call dad and I at any time, day or night. We will always be here for you, and even if we give you a hard time once in a while, we are your biggest cheerleaders because we want you to succeed and have a long lasting marriage.

May God bless you today and always, and may He always walk by your side even when you feel that you don’t need Him. May He bless you with children, and may you never take each other for granted. Enjoy the marriage journey, and may it be a journey of unending love, sprinkled with unexpected surprises, lots of rainbows, plenty of sunshine, filled with joy, incredible adventures, and plenty of romance. 

May you live happily ever after. 

With love,

Mom (and Dad too)

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Surrendering Opens the Door to Amazing Adventures

 “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.” -- Helen Keller

Thirty-six years ago, my husband was desperately looking for a job. We had both graduated from FIU a year earlier with a Bachelor’s Degree, but finding a job proved quite difficult for him. At the time, the majority of job postings would come out in the Sunday’s edition of the Miami Herald. Our routine was to search the paper while having breakfast. We would circle the ones that sounded most promising, type letters in the good old reliable typewriter, and mail them out with his résumé on Monday morning. Then came the waiting game. 

We did this for almost an entire year. The majority of those letters executed the “reject” letter. We already knew it as soon as it arrived in the mailbox inside a thin envelope. It always began the same way: “Thank you for your interest in our company, but…” 

We finally surrendered the job search to God. We left it in His Hands figuring that if He wanted Rafa to find a job, it would happen in His time, not ours. Luckily, Rafa was working for a small Accounting firm. It was not his ideal job, but at least he was not unemployed. 

At the time, we were also trying to have a baby. We were not very successful in this department either. After seeing my husband’s struggle with the job hunting, I went to Church one day and said a prayer to God. I told Him that I would surrender my desire to have a baby if He could find a job for my hubby. As you can imagine, this took a lot of courage because I really wanted a baby, but my husband’s desperation was growing by the day, and it was breaking my heart to see him this way, especially because I had found a great job without even looking. It had literally landed on my lap three months before graduation. 

Finally, in April 1987, he got an interview with a real estate company. After a couple meetings, he was hired as Assistant Comptroller. He was sooo happy, and so was I. There was just one little problem. I didn’t tell him about the deal that I had made with God. 

I had been trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant for eight months now. A series of tests determined that I was low on a hormone called progesterone which could seriously affect my ability to get pregnant. I went through infertility treatments for the next eight months only to realize that having a baby was not happening for us. I don’t think when I made that deal with God I truly believed that He would take me up on my proposal, but by this time I was starting to believe that He had actually granted me what I had requested word by word. 

I went back to Church and prayed again. I thanked Him for getting Rafa into an amazing company but I still really wanted a baby. “I know what I said to You eight months ago, and I don’t think is fair to change it now that You got Rafa a job. But if we can’t have a baby of our own, please God help us to adopt. We heard it takes years. Can you speed up the process, Lord? But not my will, Lord. I surrender this to You, Lord.”

It was early December when I had this conversation with God. We stopped all the infertility treatments and decided to start the adoption process after Christmas. I found out I was pregnant at the dawn of 1988. 

Fast forward to today, and my husband just retired from a 36-year career with the Codina Family. They gave him a surprise retirement lunch last week that brought together people that he’s worked with through the span of all these years. It also brought down our three children, our daughter-in-law and our grandson. Hearing what others had to say about him and the legacy he’s leaving behind brought tears to my eyes. 

Little did I know that surrendering our lives to God all those years ago would open the doors to such amazing adventures. A job that began as Assistant Comptroller in Downtown Miami took my husband to work at different locations throughout the county holding various jobs from Comptroller to VP of Finance, Regional Market Officer and finally, CFO. But the best part was that he met a wonderful family that taught him so much, and who treat him as one of their own, to the point that they don’t allow him to retire fully. They have given him the new title of Vice Chairman, but he gets to go to the office whenever he pleases which is about three times a week. 

God made him wait a year to find the right job because He knew where he needed to be. And He didn’t hold me to my pretty dumb deal. He blessed us with three amazing children that have taken us on quite interesting journeys. 

Definitely allowing God to be the driver of our lives has been a much better choice than if we had tried to be in control. We learned a big lesson so now, when we find ourselves at the threshold of any major decision, we just tell God: “It’s in your hands, Lord. We surrender.” And then we just wait to see what amazing adventure God has in store for us.

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.