Ruined Plans and Shattered Dreams

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” —ISAIAH 41:10 NASB

There’s a saying that goes something like this:  “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans.” God must be laughing hysterically this year because I just don’t know a single person whose plans have not been altered or ruined in 2020. In some instances, it was just minor inconveniences but for many people, their dreams have literally been shattered. 

By nature, I am a planner. I don’t like to live in the moment. I need to know in advance what I’m going to do next year. This 2020 has taught me that I’m not in control. Actually, God has tried to teach me that many times, I just don’t want to learn the lesson. 

This was going to be the year when we were going to start traveling overseas not once but twice a year. We decided to sell our house and move to a much smaller apartment with those plans in mind. So we started 2020 with big plans. In May we would go to Germany and in November to Argentina. By the end of January, we had our trip to Germany fully booked and planned day by day. By March, we knew that our plans had been ruined. We were not alone. Pretty much, everyone that had travel plans for 2020 saw their dreams go up in smoke. I guess I can’t complain since the airline reimbursed us for the full fare, but I still would have preferred to go to Germany. 

Worst than cancelled travel plans is not being able to see your family. I have not seen my oldest son and his wife in ten months. It’s the longest I’ve gone without seeing them. Even when they lived in California, we would see them a few times per year. I guess we could fly to New York. I know many people that are taking flights within the country. But when you have a family member with a serious health condition, we have to balance the desire to see our son with the risks involved.

One of my closest friends has not been able to see her daughter since December. She left to Australia on a one-year visa which has turned into two years. My friend had planned to meet up with her during Holy Week in Dubai and then she was planning a three-week trip to Australia in August. Now she has no idea if she’ll be able to at least see her daughter during Christmas. And my sister-in-law has not seen my nephew since February. He lives in California and hopefully will be able to come over in November. And that story repeats itself in family after family. Grandparents that have not been able to meet their newborn grandkids. And so many of our elderly confined to nursing homes without seeing their family members in six months.

I know a few persons that are less than ten years from retirement and now have been laid off. They are scrambling to find health insurance because finding another job at their age when there are so many people unemployed is nearly impossible. All their dreams have been shattered in the blink of an eye. Now they have to tap into their retirement funds just to make ends meet. All those plans to work five or six more years until they could qualify for Medicare and social security, and then start enjoying their retirement years traveling or spending time visiting their kids and grandkids, have been demolished.

Being enclosed in close quarters has put more than one marriage through the fire, and some have not survived. And at this point, most of us either know someone that has lost their life because of Covid-19, or we know someone that has lost a loved one. A friend lost her husband this week. Another friend lost his grandfather last month. Even if we manage to get together with our loved ones this Thanksgiving, many people are not going to have a lot to be thankful for this year.

But in spite of all these ruined plans and shattered dreams, there is one constant in our lives, and that is God. Yes, we plan and God laughs, but I honestly don’t think that God is laughing this year. I think that He is crying with us. But He wants us to know that He is not going anywhere and that we can rely on Him. Even if we had to cancel our travel plans, we will be able to travel once again because just like the Spanish flu of 1918 didn’t last forever, this 2020 virus will also come to an end. We will be able to reunite with our family members that live far from us and we will be able to hug them again. We will get to visit our elderly once again. Grandparents will meet their grandkids. God will provide for those that have lost their jobs because when one door closes, another one opens much wider. And to those whose marriages have ended during this pandemic, allow God to be your beacon and He will lead you out of the turbulence your heart is experiencing right now.

This year has been filled with fear and uncertainty, but if we grab unto the Lord, we shall not fear. However, if we have pushed God out of our lives, then we will live in fear of everything. The biggest fear we are facing today is the fear of death. We fear catching the virus and dying. And even worst, we fear losing a loved one because of the virus. And many have already experienced it. But if we remember that death is inevitable and we will all have to experience it at one point or another because death is universal, then we can relax. Of course, nobody wants to die today and nobody wants to lose a loved one today, but if we have a close relationship with God then we know that death is not the end, it’s the beginning. If we believe that Jesus resurrected, then we know that He has the power to raise us and that we are destined to live forever with Him. So to those that have lost a loved one this year, all I can say is to grab unto the Lord and He will give you the reassurance that your loved one is not dead, your loved one is alive in paradise.

Let us not allow our ruined plans and shattered dreams to define this year for us. When Thanksgiving rolls around in less than three months, my hope is that we will all have something to be thankful for. In spite of whatever suffering we have experienced, if we hand our shattered dreams to the Lord, He can turn them into something good. If we place our ruined plans at the foot of the cross, He will help us to navigate through our difficulties. God knows that 2020 has hit most people really hard, and He is not laughing because our plans were ruined, He just wants us to trust Him that from these ashes, we will all rise. 

The Worst of Us, The Best of Us

“If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe 

I feel like this pandemic has brought to the surface the best and the worst from each of us. Back in March, when all this exploded and most of us started working from home, I must confess that I was utterly terrified. How would I survive being cooped up inside a two-bedroom apartment with my hubby 24/7? I was certain that this could only end in disaster. And the first week, absolutely proved it. One night, we were having dinner with a glass of wine. I accidentally hit the glass, it shattered, and the wine spilled all over the granite countertop. Luckily, it did not fall on us or the upholstered chairs, but it was sufficient to ignite a huge fight. “Not good,” I thought. “We are not going to survive this pandemic together.”

Since what goes around comes around, and God certainly has a sense of humor, guess who broke the wine glass the following night. You got it. The hubby hit the glass and it went flying. Not only that, there was red wine all over the chairs and on the marble floor, which absorbed it as if it was a drunk desperate for a drink. I could have gotten upset about the floor and the chairs, but instead, I just laughed hysterically. God had taken care of this little battle for me. I also discovered that a mixture of baking soda and water peroxide is a miraculous combination to get rid of red wine stains. 

After that first week, though, I must say that we found our rhythm. I would lock myself in the guest room where I set up my office, and the hubby took over the rest of the apartment. We figured that in order to survive, we had to separate our work spaces. And yes, we’ve had our occasional fights and arguments, but to my surprise, for the most part, we have been dancing to the same tune.

One thing that happened, though, is that the longer I stayed locked inside the house, I began to look as if I was homeless. The beauty salons were closed so my hair was more white than brown. My nails began to chip and break. Makeup? What for? Since I stopped wearing jewelry, at one point I couldn’t even use my rings. It’s as if my fingers had doubled up in size from washing my hands twenty times per day. I was wearing baggy pants and t-shirts because it was just more comfortable than dressing up. And the worst part was that the scale was on an upward race. I gained eight pounds in two months. When I mentioned this to a friend, she said: “oh come on, you are still skinny.” Maybe to the rest of the world, but not to me. One day in May, right before the beauty salons reopened, I looked in the mirror and I was flabbergasted by what I saw. And yes, I get it, beauty is on the inside, but come on, we all like to look good on the outside too.

At that point, I made a decision. Even if I continued working from home, I was going to take care of how I looked. No more raggedy Christy. The first thing I did was sign up with Shape Lovers, a healthy meal plan. And even though it took just two months to gain eight pounds, boy, how hard it is to lose them. It’s as if they got attached to certain parts of my body with cement and I just can’t get rid of them. Three months later, I have finally lost seven, but the last one evades me to no end. By Friday, I’m almost there, but on the weekend, I regain two. What a rollercoaster. Life used to be better before forty when I could eat anything and not gain an ounce. I was determined not to eat ice cream until I reached my goal, but this weekend, my resolve melted and I just couldn’t resist the vanilla ice cream that came with the chocolate bread pudding. Oh well, it’s Monday again. I have five days to get back into shape.

Luckily, the beauty salons have not been shut down so my hair is not white anymore and my nails are not falling apart. I force myself to put on at the very least my rings and earrings. I’m using hand cream to prevent wrinkles from so much hand-washing. And even though I’m not wearing my office clothing, I’m also keeping my baggy pants and t-shirts in the closet. I went on an online shopping spree over the 4th of July weekend, which also happened to be my birthday, and I bought myself a few nice shorts and tops in my pre-pandemic size because yes, I am determined to get back to my pre-pandemic weight.

As far as the hubby is concerned, we are still dancing to the same tune. Even though he may blow up over a broken glass, he prepares our breakfast every morning, which includes a ham and cheese omelette, and a yogurt parfait with fruits and honey. He is also a great chef and can whip up some delicious meals, and when our cleaning lady stopped coming, he helped me clean the house every Saturday. On my part, I’ve made sure not to break any more wine glasses... of course, as part of our “Shape Lovers” diet we gave up wine on the weekdays so less chances to break a glass. Yes, we still get on each other’s nerves once in a while, but after being married 36 years that’s perfectly allowed. Like Marilyn Monroe said: “We have handled each other at our worst,” we have certainly seen each other at our lowest point, and now, we are enjoying each other’s company at our prime. Yes, that is what I have decided to call our golden years... our prime. We have discovered that the best things in life don’t have to be complicated. Ending our day watching “Heartland,” a Netflix show that has us hooked, and looking forward to the weekend so we can have a good non-diet meal and a glass of wine has become the highlight of our life. But boy, I do miss traveling, going to a show, eating inside a nice restaurant, and especially, I miss getting together with friends, and spending time with my family. But for now, I am content. Life is good. And this pandemic... this too shall pass.

Copyright © 2020 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Underneath the Surface

“You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.” 

Sarah Young, November 29th Meditation from “Jesus Calling”

“What has been the worst year in your life?” When asked this question, the year that immediately comes to my mind is 2009. That was the year when our lives were turned upside down. It was the year when being awake in the middle of the night became the norm rather than the exception. It was the year when we had to cancel the three trips that we had planned: Maryland to attend our cousin’s graduation from the US Naval Academy, a wedding in New York, and our 25th wedding anniversary trip to Turks and Caicos. That was also the year where we spent many days meeting with doctors, and visiting a hospital with restricted visits. And that was the year where our son was not able to finish his school year. It sounds very familiar. Our 2009 is what 2020 has turned out to be for most people. 

Yes, 2020 has been the year when everyone’s lives have been turned upside down. It’s the year when sleep evades us because we are filled with anxiety. Most people have had to cancel their travel plans this year. We also had plans: a trip to Germany and Austria in the spring, and a trip to Argentina in the fall. Both have been cancelled. 2020 has been the year where many people have had to visit a doctor, or where many have had loved ones in the hospital without being able to visit them. It’s also been the year where all students were not able to finish their school year in a classroom.

But for me, as bad as 2020 has turned out to be, 2009 was still ten times worst. That was the year when our son was diagnosed with a mental disorder. We had to withdraw him from school less than one month before he could complete his sophomore year in the university. He spent one week in a hospital in New Jersey that specialized in mental disorders. My husband had to jump on a plane to go be with him, only to find out that he was only able to visit him two hours per day. After one week, we were able to bring him to Miami. He had doctor visits three times a week for the next six months. And I went with him to most of those visits.

There were days when I lost all hope. I did not know if we would be able to save him. I felt that I was losing my son. And it was the first time that I recall being so angry at God. I kept asking Him, “Why? Why? Why?” And I could not hear Him answer me. I felt like He had turned His back on us.

But even though I could not see it, God was working underneath the surface. He had a special plan for my son, and He also had a plan for me. As He was putting us through the fire, He was preparing us to help out in an area where He needed a lot of help.

Today, my son is not afraid to speak up about his mental illness. He has participated in national conferences where he has spoken in front of hundreds of people about what happened to him. He has been part of panels where he has spoken about mental illness, and where he has brought hope to others that are going through what he went through. He is not cured, but he has learned to manage his illness, and in the process, he is helping others by bringing them hope through his testimony.

I also learned a lot about mental illness on that fateful 2009. I read every book that I could get my hands on. I did a lot of research about bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. And I got involved with an organization in Miami that was just starting out. At first, I joined them because I needed support. Now, eleven years later, I’m still involved because I have realized that there are so many parents that need support. Little did I know that my worst year would turn into such a blessing because both my son and I would be able to help so many others that had lost hope. I am currently reading a book titled “Crazy: A Father’s Search Through America’s Mental Health Madness” by Pete Earley. The more I read, the more I realize how blessed we were in 2009. That entire year, God was working underneath the surface. When I thought that He had turned His back on us, He was carrying us.

That is why, as I traverse through this 2020, and I hear people say, “Where is God in all this? Why would He allow this pandemic?” I tell them: “Don’t despair. God has a plan. He has not abandoned us. He is very much present in our lives. We can only see the surface, but He is working underneath the surface. And He is carrying us.”

Copyright © 2020 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

The Butterfly Effect

“You have been created in order that you might make a difference. You have within you the power to change the world.” Andy Andrews, “The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters”

When I found out yesterday that Ortanique, one of my favorite restaurants, would be closing its doors because they could not survive the economic crisis created by Covid-19, I was very affected. “Who will be next?”I asked myself. “Caffe Abbracci? Joe’s Stone Crab?”

Today, the priest mentioned in his homily “the butterfly effect” which in summary is the idea that small things can have an impact on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil and causing a tornado in Texas. Of course, a single act like the butterfly flapping its wings cannot cause a tornado. Small events can, however, serve as catalysts that act on causing catastrophic conditions.

Benjamin Franklin offered a poetic perspective, long before the identification of the butterfly effect:

“For want of a nail the shoe was lost,

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost,

For want of a rider the battle was lost,

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost,

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.”

The lack of one horseshoe nail could be inconsequential, or it could indirectly cause the loss of a war. There is no way to predict which outcome will occur.

We don’t really know how the Covid-19 virus began. There are lots of theories out there. My favorite is that it started in a lab in China, and a cleaning worker who had no food to offer his family stole a bat from the lab that had been infected with the virus. He took it home, fed his family, and sold the remains in the village market. And thus, the virus was spread first to their neighborhood, then to their city, then to their country, and eventually, to the entire world. And like the butterfly effect, a bat from China had a catastrophic effect on the entire world.

But just like one bad action can cause destruction, one good action can have a ripple effect that can repair the damage. Yes, we have a virus from China that has caused much destruction, but this has also caused an opposite reaction. Many people have come forward to help our community. Camillus House has a program called “Casserole Out of Kindness” in which individuals, religious groups and other organizations are invited to provide nutritious meals to the hungry and/or homeless in our community. Recently, a student from Belen was shown on Instagram making a meal from his home to donate to this program. The Key Clubhouse of Miami had to close its doors during the pandemic, which meant that many of its members would not be able to have access to a daily meal or to transportation to be able to go buy what they needed from a grocery store. Many came forward to donate food to its members, including my Belen Emmaus sisters. All I had to do was send a text to a few, and this caused such a ripple effect that we filled up their entire van with groceries.

The boycott to the Goya products caused the opposite reaction for many and they started a buycott. Many people started buying Goya products to donate to Food Banks around the country. One of these generous persons is Jack Fleming, a 14-year-old who has autism. He wrote on his Facebook page: “I used my money and my parents gave me money to buy lots of Goya stuff and donate it to food pantries. Because I am an American and I love Americans and guess what, I don't care if this food feeds democrats or republicans. We are all American and that is what should matter.” Yes, just like there’s destruction, there is also reparation and restoration.

Next weekend, we celebrate the feast of St. Anne, our Lady’s mother. I am praying a novena to her asking her to intercede for our country and our world. Today’s prayer went like this:

“O St. Anne, you are my spiritual grandmother. Please pray for me! 

I come to you today asking that you pray for me to see God’s goodness in my life, just the way that it is. 

It is easy for me to forget about the blessings that do exist in my life while I pray for another one. 

It is easy for me to forget about the beauty that does exist in my life while I focus on what is lacking.

Instead, I ask you to please pray for me today that I may be present in each moment, and that I may be open to seeing God’s goodness, beauty, and loving hand in my day -- just as it is.

Please pray that I may be able to live in the present, and not to dwell on the past or the future.”

Yes, in the midst of these difficult times, I may be more inclined to focus on the negative rather than the positive. It may be easier to cry about what I have lost instead of concentrating on the blessings that I receive from God each and every day. I may want to cry over those restaurants that are closing without thinking that there were many before them that I used to love too and they closed for different reasons, like Crepe St. Michel, Le Festival, Rogers on the Green, Whiffenpoof or Chef Allen. And from their ashes, many good new restaurants emerged. So yes, we are losing some very good restaurants like Ortanique, but there will be others that will emerge out of their ashes. When one door closes, another one opens, so we must keep life moving forward spreading kindness everywhere we go. One little action today may make our world a much better place tomorrow. 

Copyright © 2020 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Point of View

“Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” —1 Samuel 16:7

Ever since we moved to our new apartment, we walk most mornings around the golf course. The south side of the golf course has less shade, and we were always walking that side towards the sun. It’s gotten so hot that last week we decided to walk in the opposite direction, that way the sun would hit us on the back. It was not going to diminish the heat, but at least we would not have the sun hitting us directly on our face.

Even though we are walking around the same golf course, just the fact that we changed directions has made us discover things that we had never noticed before. Our point of view totally shifted. I noticed a house with beautiful orchids that I had not seen before, a fountain with a statue of dolphins that before was hidden from my sight, another with angels that looked totally different when seen from the front and not the back, and today, my husband noticed how beautiful some trees looked in a corner house. It had always looked like a dense forest when seen from the other side, but from our new point of view, the trees look spectacular. There is also a lighthouse that I absolutely love to photograph. It’s not really a lighthouse, it’s a water tower, but since it looks more like a beautiful lighthouse, I still like to refer to it as the “lighthouse.” When we started walking towards it from the south side of the golf course instead of the north side like we were used to, I took this beautiful picture from a completely different angle. Looking at it from this point of view makes the “lighthouse” seem so much more majestic.

I was born in a communist country, and I left when I was seven years-old. I have a very clear memory of being in my second grade classroom on the first week of school when the teacher said aloud: “I have a surprise in this envelope for one of you. Who wants to get a surprise?” Of course, the entire group of 7-year-olds raised their hands. I was the lucky winner. She gave me the envelope and she told me to give it to my mom since I had to share the surprise with her. Imagine my excitement. I could not wait to get home to open the envelope with my mom to find out what was inside. When I got home and I gave her the envelope, I watched in horror as my mother began to cry after she read the note that was inside. The “so-called” surprise was that I was being transferred to a different school. I had been deceived by my teacher. She tricked the entire classroom into making us think that what she had was a good thing, “a surprise.” All the other kids had been jealous of me because I received the surprise, and yet, the surprise turned out to be a punishment. I was being punished because my parents had decided to leave the country. I had to switch to a strange school where I did not know anyone, in a neighborhood that was far away from my house, and leave behind all my friends. And no matter how much my mom cried and begged the school principal to allow me to stay there, they were reluctant because we were “worms” and “worms” did not deserve to be heard. I remember crying my heart out for having raised my hand on that fateful day, but little did I know that whether I had raised my hand or not, that envelope already had my name written on it and the dice had already been cast.

As you can imagine, that experience plus many others that I lived in my birth country, have steered my point of view in many decisions that I’ve had to take throughout my life. I grew up listening to stories from my parents and grandparents of how they were deceived by Castro and his cohorts, who came into the country in 1959 surrounded by falsehood and lies. He did not formally declare Cuba a socialist state until May 1, 1961, but all along, he was a communist who tried to hide his own intentions to gain the support of the people to overthrow the previous president from government. Many saw right through him, but many others were deceived and sixty years later, they are still paying the price.

We left the country in 1969, first to Spain, and five years later, we moved to the United States of America. I have spent more years in this country than in the other two countries combined. Even though I was not born here, I consider this land my own. I received my education here. I was married here. My children were born here. This country is made up of immigrants. It gave us opportunities that we might not have had anywhere else. I learned very early that in this country, if you work hard, you can accomplish anything you want.

One of the things that I most value about my adopted country is the freedom to express my own opinion. It may be different from the opinion of my neighbors, but just like I respect their opinion, I expect that they in turn respect mine. It is in the First Amendment of our Constitution: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

It is impossible that all the American people think the same way. Our points of view are going to be colored by our backgrounds and life experiences. Someone that grew up in Nazi Germany and lost their whole family in a concentration camp is going to have a very different point of view about the freedom of religion than someone that has never experienced hardship because of their religious values. A person whose ancestors were slaves is going to have a different point of view than someone who has always lived in freedom. As someone who experienced first hand communism and its deceptive practices, my point of view will be completely different than someone who has always lived in a democracy. But just because our points of view are different, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong or that we cannot respect each other. We are each going to make our choices and decisions through the lens of our own values.

It is very scary when I look at the news and I see so much hatred. I can’t help but think back to the time of Jesus and how much hatred He also experienced. He was hated because He spent time with the prostitutes. He was hated because He ate with the tax collectors. He was hated because He loved. The Pharisees were more interested in keeping their laws than in caring for the people. A person could not be cured on the Sabbath simply because their law did not allow anyone to work on the Sabbath, and taking care of a sick person was considered work. Their point of view was distorted because they were placing more emphasis on their laws than on their hearts. But Jesus defied them all, and in the process, He taught us not to judge: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged... ‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,” when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye’.” Luke 6: 37, 41-42. He also told us that we had to love all our neighbors, whether we agreed with them or not: “Love your neighbor as yourself... To love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” Mark 12:31, 33. Even our own Declaration of Independence tells us “that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among those are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Therefore, we should not judge anyone simply because they look different or their point of view is different than ours.

It saddens me when I see so much division in this country that I love so much. It hurts to see so much violence to attempt to inflict someone’s point of view upon another. I remember when I voted for the first time the year I turned 18, not everyone agreed but we were able to listen to each other’s point of view and we were able to respect each other. Today, expressing my point of view aloud could result in death. And that scares me because it reminds me of why my parents and grandparents decided to leave Cuba. They did not have the freedom to express their point of view. Anyone who did not agree with the Communist government could be executed or placed in jail.

When the coronavirus pandemic began, as bad as it was, my hope was that the silver lining of such a deadly virus would be to unite us as a nation. And yet, that did not happen. On the contrary, we are more divided than ever. We only want to consider one point of view, and we are not taking the time to change directions and consider that maybe our neighbor’s point of view may be worth looking at from a different angle. Maybe it’s time to change directions, or else, we may need to start calling our country the Divided States of America.

Copyright © 2020 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

The Masked Generation

"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." — St. Francis of Assisi ---

It’s official. We are going to be wearing masks for a very long time. We will be known in the future history books as the masked generation. I already have separated a drawer for masks. I have an assortment: the disposable ones, the solid color ones, the flower masks, the masks with messages, the ones with filters... and I dislike them all. The minute I get into the car, I take it off. As soon as I walk into the house, I hang it in the closet to air out or I throw it in the shower to wash it, depending on where I have been. 

I have tried to create a good relationship with the mask by trying to find some positive features. When I’m wearing a mask, I don’t have to worry about bad breath or make-up. It also protects me from bad odors. But that’s all I can think of. However, I can think of one hundred things against the mask. My phone doesn’t recognize me when I wear a mask so face recognition is pointless. I cannot wear lipstick because it gets all over the mask. My face gets all sweaty and sticky. And I could go on and on and on. But my favorite reason for hating my mask is that I feel that unless I wear sunscreen all the time in the upper part of my face, soon I will look like this:

But the bottom line is that when I wear the mask, I am not wearing it for my comfort, I am wearing it out of consideration for myself and for others. When I wear the mask, I am trying to be part of the solution. When I walk my dog out on the street and I run unto other people that are wearing their masks, I feel grateful and safe. But when I am in the elevator and someone walks in without a mask, I jump out and I tell them: “You should be wearing a mask.” This is not about being controlled by the government or by my management association. In a recent building board meeting, someone actually threatened to sue the association because they were infringing on his rights by making him wear a mask in the common areas. Seriously? It’s a good thing everyone told him that he was selfish and inconsiderate.

If we only learn one thing from this pandemic it should be that we are not in this world alone. We are all in this together. And it’s going to take the whole world to realize this so we can beat this virus. Maybe there is a reason why this virus has come to visit us. We had to stop spinning out of control and we had to realize that we are one world. We had to humble ourselves and realize that we need each other to win this battle. We have been living in this world without care, thinking that no matter what we did, the earth would be here forever. But maybe this virus came to purify our world and to open our eyes so that we could see that the earth is not going to last forever if we continue being so careless.

This virus may have also come to remind us that there is someone much more powerful that we have forgotten about. Yes, I am talking about God. Our world had to get very dark for us to get on our knees. It took a tiny virus to get us to pray for a cure. It reminded us that our world without God is very lonely and very scary. When we were quarantined, we realized that we did not need so many material things. We realized that all we needed was the one thing that had been taken away. And that was the company of others. When we were isolated, we missed our loved ones. If we had to choose between buying a new outfit or receiving the hug of a loved one, I am pretty sure we all would have asked for the hug. But it was in this isolation that we found our way back to God. It was in the darkness that we searched for His Light. Many that had not uttered a prayer in a very long time, found themselves praying for mercy and for a miracle.

Yes, we will go down in the history books as the masked generation, but I also hope that when we are able to remove our masks, we will be able to look at our brothers and sisters around the world without shame in our eyes that we did our part to make this whole world a much better place.

In the meantime, let’s all be uncomfortable together for a little while longer while uniting our hands in prayer: “Father, we are sorry for the selfish ways that we have treated Your World. We have forgotten that all our graces come from You. We apologize for turning our backs on You and forgetting that You are God. If You have sent us this virus to cleanse us and purify us so we can find our way back to You, please heal our souls and our hearts so that together we can send this virus away. Please, Lord, we ask You for forgiveness so that your Mercy can begin to cover our world. We know that only your Healing Presence will help us to beat this virus. We come to You today with humble hearts asking for your protection from this virus. And we ask for your guidance and wisdom so we can find a cure for this disease. But may Your Will be done, not ours. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

My Holy Gel

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 4:6–7

After three months of attending mass virtually in our living room, we finally returned to church and attended a mass in person. I had not realized how much I had missed being present in a church, surrounded by other people, kneeling in the pews, and most important, receiving the body of Christ, not just spiritually, but sacramentally. I think that this is the longest I have ever gone without receiving the Eucharist since I did my First Communion fifty years ago.

A lot has changed in these three months. Attending mass pre-pandemic was totally different than it is now. There were so many things that I took for granted, that now, I miss them terribly. The first thing I used to do when I arrived at church was to place my fingers in the Holy Water bowl and bless myself by doing the sign of the cross. Now, the Holy Water fonts have been replaced with hand sanitizer dispensers. I used to be able to sit wherever I pleased, shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers, but I did not care because I knew these people were my brothers and sisters in Christ. Now, an usher takes us to our assigned seats, and we have to sit far, far apart from each other. We must sit every other pew, and only two persons per pew. This means that Rafe and I had a pew to ourselves. I must confess that I missed being crowded in a pew.

Right before mass began, I looked around me at the almost empty church. Everyone was wearing masks, from the singers in the choir to the ushers to all the parishioners present. We looked like a bunch of criminals ready to rob a bank. But this is the new normal. Masks are now an important part of our wardrobe, and just as necessary as shirts and shoes. One positive is that I sound much better singing through a mask than without one. It’s almost as if the mask deepens my voice and makes it sound more musical.

We must wear the mask the entire mass, and it must cover our mouth and nose. I was fine the entire hour. I did not feel like I could not breathe, but I guess some “viejitos” were having a hard time and lowered it from their noses. Our pastor has 20/20 vision, because after his homily, he said that even though he knew it was uncomfortable, he had to ask those that had lowered their masks to please pull it back over their noses.

Everything has been removed from the pews. We don’t have missalettes anymore to follow the mass. But we have mobile phones and we can download apps like the Word Among Us or the Magnificat. Or we can just listen. Some churches are putting the readings on the wall using digital devices. And there’s also the option to buy our own missal.

Another thing that is different is the collection. There are no baskets being passed around anymore. The baskets are placed at the altar for the parishioners to drop their offerings during Communion. I wonder how this will affect the churches. After all, they depend on our offerings to survive. They have utility bills and other expenses just like any other home does. Another option is to do the offerings online. I think this is the future. The collection will be a thing of the past as the newer generations that use Venmo and Zelle instead of carrying cash become the new parishioners.

There was no offertory. Pre-pandemic, some parishioners would take the unconsecrated bread and wine to the altar, as well as the collection. Not anymore. The bread and wine was already at the altar, where the priest was by himself. No altar boys or girls to help him out.

The mass itself was pretty much the same. Of course, we couldn’t give peace to other parishioners so we had to wave and do the peace sign from afar. And no holding hands during the “Our Father.” Our pastor likes to walk up and down the center aisle when he gives his homily, but now, he stays behind the pulpit. And the biggest change came during Communion. The priest, while on the altar, was not wearing a mask. When it came time for Communion, he washed his hands and put a mask. He was only assisted by one Eucharistic minister. Everyone had to go receive Communion down the center aisle. The ushers would tell us when to go, and there were clear markings where we needed to stand, six feet apart from the person in front of us. We had to wear our masks the entire time. We had to receive the Eucharist on our hands, stand aside, pull our masks up or down, place the Eucharist in our mouths, fix the mask, and then return to our pews. This sounds easy enough but for some of our “viejitos” that are used to always receiving it in their mouths because they have shaky hands, this was difficult. I know I should have been praying after three months of not receiving Communion, but I could not help myself. There was a couple, probably in their 80s or maybe even 90s. He was trying to help her pull down the mask so she could put the host in her mouth. It was so cute and so tragic at the same time. She almost dropped the host. The usher came running to help her too. I wanted to go help her too. But finally, the host made its way into her mouth and into her soul.

At this time, I closed my eyes and I prayed for all that we have lost in this pandemic. I prayed for all the souls that have left us. I prayed for all those little things that we took for granted and we no longer have. I prayed for our “viejitos” that have to get used to wearing suffocating masks to go to mass. I prayed for those that are still afraid to go outside and therefore are still watching mass from their living rooms. Yes, the mass was being live-streamed for those parishioners that were not physically present. I prayed for all those that are in the hospitals in isolation. And I shed a tear for all the holy water fonts that are dry. They reminded me of the desert that we have been traversing. But I also said a prayer of gratitude for being back in Church. A lot of things have been taken away, but one thing has not changed. The Lord is still present. He has not left us. And even though we do not need to go to Church to be with Him because He is everywhere, I felt a sense of peace visiting Him in His House.

As we left the church, through the side doors to avoid people congregating on the back, we once again had hand sanitizer dispensers instead of Holy Water. I couldn’t help but think that this is our new Holy Water. Maybe I should send a message to our priest to bless the hand sanitizer and turn it into Holy Gel. And then it hit me. That is what God does for me. He sanitizes my soul and gives me the antibodies to protect me from all that is happening in our world. I have been feeling very anxious, but I left with a certainty that if I am rooted in God, I can withstand anything. He is my Holy Gel.

Copyright © 2020 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.