Finding God in the Storm-Part II

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:3-4

As I was searching my Bible to meditate on the Beatitudes, a little card felt out. My Bible is a treasure trove of "estampitas" (prayer cards) and "recordatorios" (remembrance cards). Every time I attend a baptism, first communion or funeral, the card will inevitably end up inside my Bible. So on this night, as I was sitting by the bay in the retreat house, I opened the Bible and a card flew out and landed on my feet. I picked it up and this is what I saw:

As I stared at Danny's beautiful face, tears began to roll down my face. The memory of the day he passed away just eight months earlier came rushing into my mind. I was in Hallandale where I had gone for the weekend and my son Alex called me from Connecticut, weeping on the phone: "Danny is going to die. I want to come home." I didn't know how to console my young son so I just told him: "Don't worry, I'll fly you home." He was right. Danny slipped away that night into the Father's arms. So as I stared at this young face, so full of life, I looked up to heaven and I asked: "Why God? Why did You have to take him home at such a young age? He was only 19, God, he had his whole life ahead of him, why did you need him in heaven? What was the point of sending him to earth for such a short time?" I turned the card around and as I read the prayer of Tecumseh, I was overcome by incredible peace: 

"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, Perfect your life, Beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.

Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the Great Divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and bow to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and for the Joy of Living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the Spirit of its Vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death Song and die like a Hero going Home."

Tecumseh was a Native American leader of the Shawnee Indian tribe. American forces killed Tecumseh in the Battle of the Thames, in October 1813 after he wrote the above prayer. Danny, whose dream was to join the United States Army, lived by the above motto. So as I read the prayer, I felt a peace that could only come from above and I knew that Danny was fine in heaven, fighting in God's army.

But then my thoughts turned towards his mother, Peggy. "What about her God? Do you have any idea how much she is suffering? Is it fair to her that she has to go through this?" And as I was thinking that, an image of Mama Mary filled my heart and a thought invaded my mind: "It wasn't fair to Mama Mary either." Mama Mary had to watch her Son be crucified when He was innocent. She had to remain on earth for many years after Jesus went up to heaven. Those had to be difficult years for her but God gave her the strength to endure. Just like I know that God will give Peggy the strength to go on here on earth while striving to keeping her dear boy's memory alive.

The storm of mourning is very difficult because the pain diminishes but never really goes away. Only God can bring calmness to the troubled sea raging on inside. God is the only one that can bring peace in the midst of the storm. And we have to hold on to the hope that after the storm, comes salvation. This world with its troubles, aches and pains is not our home. Eventually we will reunite with our loved ones in a kingdom where there will be just peace and calmness. The hope of Heaven is the ultimate hope that Jesus came to bring us. Sooner than we think, we are going to leave this world of sorrow and pain.

In the meantime, suffering is part of the price that we have to pay for the joy of the resurrection. Pain in this life is inevitable but misery is optional. Affliction transforms lives either for God or for devastation. God talks to us through the storm. We can choose to listen or we can choose to turn away from Him. Even in the storm, there are reasons to thank God. "If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself."

Our suffering has redeeming value. Just like Jesus paid the price so we can have redemption and salvation, our suffering helps other people too. I learned not too long ago that when we are suffering, we can offer our pain for someone that is caught up in a worst storm than we are. I mentioned that to my father when he was undergoing one of his painful skin grafts. I told him to offer up the pain for one of the many children undergoing chemotherapy. It seemed to make the pain more bearable for him.

Jesus suffered the cross for us and through His redemption we can taste the salvation and the joy of eternal life. When we look at Christ on the cross, we have hope that something better is coming. When we are in the midst of the storm, we have hope that something good is coming our way. After every storm, there is a sunrise. After the rain, there is a rainbow. After death, there is life.

Jesus loves us. He cares for us. He is faithful to His promise. He doesn't forget about us. He will be with us until the end of times. And even though those who are mourning may find it difficult to believe that God truly cares, Jesus is carrying them in the darkness of the storm. 

  

                                                  

Finding God in the Storm-Part I

"You suffer in this present life, which is only a dream, and a short one at that. Rejoice, because your Father God loves you so much, and if you put no obstacles in his way, after this bad dream he will give you a good awakening." ("The Way" by St. Josemaria Escriva, chapter 33 par 692.)

There are many times in our lives when we feel like we are in the middle of a bad dream and we are never going to wake up. Or we feel like we are in the middle of a storm which is never going to end. The past couple of years I have felt like that more than once. Ever since my father landed in the hospital two years ago and we were told that they were going to have to amputate his leg, I have felt that we have been living in the midst of the hurricane. Every time we started to see a ray of light, we would get hit by another thunderbolt. Once the doctors were able to save first one leg through a bypass and then the other one with a catherer, we were hit with a tsunami known as "sarcoma." I have lost count of how many times my father has been in the hospital in these two years between surgeries, skin grafts and collapsed lungs. But in the midst of the storm, I have found God.

Our lives are like the ocean. Sometimes we go through periods where the sea is peaceful. There is a calmness that is inviting us to walk into the ocean. But unfortunately, this peace doesn't last forever. All of a sudden we begin to notice the waves. They start slow, hardly unnoticeable, like when you throw a pebble into the water and you hardly see the ripple effect that it causes. But soon the waves begin to sway higher and higher. The ocean begins to roar and the waves are so high that they threaten to drown us.

When we are in the midst of the roaring ocean, we may feel like God has abandoned us. This happened to the disciples when they were in great distress during the storm at sea. "A great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him up and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Matthew 4:37-38). They were afraid and Jesus was asleep. They felt that He did not care about them.

I know many people that are in the midst of a storm right now and they sometimes feel like God has abandoned them. There's a mother who lost her son in a tragic accident and a young wife who lost her husband to cancer and now has to bring up their baby boy without him. I have lost count of how many friends have buried a parent this year. I know at least three persons whose child is battling cancer and I don't have enough fingers in my hands to count the people I know that are undergoing chemotherapy. I know many who have a loved one with a serious mental illness. I have another friend who has become a full time caretaker for her ill husband. I know some that are in the midst of a divorce. So many people are caught up in the storm that I can't help but ask: "Where is God?"

In the midst of tribulations, when we feel that we have no control over the storm, we may lose faith in God. We may feel that He does not care whether we perish or survive. We cry out to Him and He does not answer. He seems to be asleep somewhere while we struggle on our own.

But out of the chaos of our lives, God brings order and purpose. Even though we may feel that God has abandoned us, He is inside the boat with us. "He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, 'Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?' And they were filled with great awe and said to one another, 'Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?'” (Matthew 4:39-41).

God hears our petitions and our prayers. He hears our groanings and our weeping. But He has a goal and a purpose for our lives that may take time and that is why we must go through the storm. He is preparing us for something great because God specializes in turning ugliness into beauty and wastelands into gardens. 

As I was trying to stay afloat during one of my father's many hospitalizations, I took out my journal and I read the cover: "In times of joy, thank God. In times of sorrow, seek God. In times of peace, praise God. And always, love God." I realized that while I was weeping and complaining because of everything my father was having to endure, thinking that God had abandoned us, the one that had stopped seeking God was me. God was by our side all along. He was in the boat with us. He was the one that had opened the way for my father to be transferred to the hospital where his leg had been saved. He was the one that had led us to one of the few doctors that treat sarcomas in South Florida. And He was the one holding our hand during every surgery, during every crisis and during every setback. And now we praise Him because we are in a time of peace. 

Finding God in All People

"I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me." Matthew 25:35-36

When our Blessed Mother Mary, or Mama Mary as I like to call her, received the visit of the Angel Gabriel and he announced to her that she had been chosen by God to be the mother of His Son, Mama Mary remained humble as she always had been. The first thing she did after finding out the Big News was to go visit and serve her cousin Elizabeth who was also expecting a child. She could have expected others to serve her since she was carrying God, but that's not what she did. She put her cousin's needs before her own. She jumped in top of a donkey and she went to serve. And while serving her cousin Elizabeth, she saw the face of God in her cousin.

God is in all the people that we encounter every day. He is in our spouse or significant other. Yes, even when he/she annoys us and gets on our nerves. When we look at the face of the one we love, we are looking at the face of God.

God is in our children, grandchildren, godchildren, nieces and nephews. It is easy to see God in babies. When we look at the face of a baby, it reminds us of baby Jesus. It's still easy to see God in little children. Oh, but when they become annoying teenagers, it becomes harder. His image gets out of focus. And when they become smarty pants adolescents, who think they know more than us, then it's really difficult to see God in them. But He is still there. We just need to look a little deeper.

God is in our elderly parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and neighbors. He is in the nursing homes. He is in those we love that no longer recognize us because they are suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's. And that's the reason why we need to visit them, love them and care for them. If we look deep into their lost eyes, we can see God staring back at us. If we abandon them, we are abandoning God. 

God is present in the people we work with. He is in our supervisors and our managers. Even if they are tyrants who use their power to abuse us and they have no consideration for us. He is in the selfish co-worker who seems to find joy in making our day difficult. He is in the client or patient or customer who complaints all the time and has become an annoyance who doesn't allow us to get our work done in peace. God has placed them in our life for a reason and we have to smile and be pleasant, no matter how impossible that may seem, because we may be the only God that they ever see.

God is in the grocery store clerk, in the bank teller, in the hairdresser, in the handiman, in the gardener, in the housekeeper, in the doctor, in the dentist... He is in all the people that cross our paths on our daily lives. He is also in the homeless person who stands at the busy intersection every day hoping that we lower the window and give him/her the spare change that we keep in the car. But when he/she walks towards our car, we look the other way, pretending we don't see him/her and we excuse ourselves by thinking that if we give them a dollar they are going to spend it on drugs. Woe to us if that poor homeless went without food because he/she couldn't collect the five bucks that he/she needed for a meal. Or if his/her children went hungry because the parent has not been able to find a job and had to resort to begging. God is in that homeless person. And we are going to be judged not on what the homeless did with the dollar we gave them, we are going to be judged whether we helped them or looked the other way. If we are so concerned on how they will spend our hard earned dollar, we could also bring them a meal, a change of clothing or a bag filled with toiletries. 

God is in all the people. The good, the bad and the ugly. He is in the rich and the poor. He is in the healthy and the sick. He is in those we like and in those that annoy us. And He is also in you and in me. We were all created in His image. When you look in the mirror, stop for a second and look well. You are staring at the face of God. He lives within each one of us. What God are others seeing in us?

Finding God in All the Little Things

"Little things done out of love are those that charm the Heart of Christ… On the contrary, the most brilliant deeds, when done without love, are but nothingness." St. Theresa of Lisieux

When I arrived to the Spiritual Exercises, I had no expectations. In my three previous retreats, I had completely different experiences. I felt God's presence in different ways and at different times. The messages were similar but in those occasions I was going through some difficult times in my life so I was in a lot of turmoil.

This time I arrived with a lot of peace, a hopeful heart, an open mind and ready to be surprised. And boy, did He surprise me. On the very first night of the retreat, as we were led in prayer by the spiritual director, I felt Him in the wind. We were standing by the bay and I clearly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was a stirring that began at the top of my head and traveled all the way down to the sole of my feet. I can count with my fingers how many times I've felt this stirring of the Spirit. The first times, I didn't know what it meant. It had happened either while I was in prayer or talking to a priest. I asked the priest what it meant and He told me that it was the Spirit of the Lord manifesting His presence. I was in awe that I had felt it so early in the weekend. I felt such joy and such peace. I knew it was going to be a great retreat.

The following morning I went into the chapel to pray. I praised God and I thanked Him for allowing me to feel His presence the previous night. As I walked out of the chapel, I looked towards the bay and I saw a dolphin. At first I thought it was my imagination. I have never seen a dolphin on the east coast and much less in the bay area. I walked slowly towards the water and there it was, a dolphin in all its beauty. I stayed looking towards the water, watching the dolphin emerge and submerge every few minutes. And I felt incredible joy because I knew this was a sign from God.

Dolphins and rainbows have always had a special meaning for me. Every time I'm going through a difficult time in my life, God sends me a rainbow or a dolphin. In my darkest hour, He sent me both. It happened six years ago. I was in Siesta Key with my family. We were facing a major crisis. I sat at the beach one day, looking towards the horizon, asking God to help us, feeling like we were hanging by a thread and when I looked at the heavens, I saw the most beautiful rainbow. And underneath the arch of the rainbow, there was a cloud in the distinct shape of a dolphin. I was in awe but He was not done. As I looked towards the water, there was a school of dolphins swimming in the distance. I knew this could not be a coincidence. This had God written all over it. It was clearly a God-incidence. It was God's sign to me that everything was going to be alright. And it was. The storm passed and the sun came out once again for my family.

Therefore, when I saw the dolphin swimming in the bay, I knew that it was God's way to manifest Himself to me. He was allowing me to find Him in a dolphin. But He also had a message for me in the dolphin. I had been meditating as to what was my purpose in life. And God gave me the answer in the dolphin. Just like a dolphin brings joy and love to anyone who sees it, my purpose in life is to bring joy and love to others by spreading God's love.

And how do I do this? How can I spread His message of love to the whole world? Well, God doesn't want me to spread His message to the whole world. He only needs me to share it with my family, with my friends, with my neighbors, with my community of faith...

We don't know much about Jesus during the first thirty years of His life. We meet Him at His birth, at the presentation in the Temple and when they run away to Egypt. Then we get a glimpse of the boy when He's twelve years old, gets lost and Mary and Joseph find Him in the temple talking to the teachers. And then we don't hear anything else until He begins his public ministry at the age of thirty. What did He do during these thirty years? He led a simple life. He was a regular human being who worked with His father as a carpenter, He was a shepherd to His sheep, He helped His mother on her household chores and He did what every young man of His age did in His town. Even though we don't hear about this time of His life in the Bible, Jesus in His unique way is teaching us to find Him in all the little things that make up our everyday life.

Many times we complain about our boring lives. We do the same thing day in and day out. We get up, have breakfast, go to work, do groceries, cook, do the dishes, do laundry, take care of the kids, spend time with the spouse and the next day we have to do the same thing all over again. Our life has become a routine and we are bored to tears. We need some excitement in our lives. Well, Jesus opened my eyes this past weekend to realize that for thirty years He was a regular person just like me with a daily routine that was the same every day. In His time there was no television, no microwave, no computers, no electricity... They worked from sunrise to sunset doing all the daily chores that we complain about when today they are as simple as can be because we have washing machines and dryers and dishwashers to simplify our lives. We have cars to take us to the grocery store. They had to walk or ride on a donkey. And certainly, they did not have a Publix where they could find everything they needed. They had to bake their own bread, grow their own vegetables, catch a fish or kill a chicken... And this was God's Son. He lived a simple, humble life for thirty years without power or popularity.

We need to find God in all the little things that make up our daily lives. In the chores that we do around the house, in our jobs, in our daily routines, in all the traffic lights, in the food we prepare to feed our family, in the laundry... God needs us to spread His love in our own little world. He doesn't need us to do great things. As St. Theresa taught us, "we just need to do all the little things with great love." One little thing done with great love is more important than doing something big with pride and arrogance.

Finding God in All Places

"It's necessary to be convinced that God is always near us. Too often we live as though our Lord were somewhere far off -where the stars shine. We fail to realize that he is also by our side -always." ("The Way" by St. Josemaria Escriva, chapter 11 par 267.)

Everyone needs a getaway once in a while. Most people dream of a spa getaway. I had the privilege to enjoy such getaway this past weekend. I went away to what I like to call my own Spiritually Peaceful Atonement (SPA) with the Lord. It was a weekend spent in silence doing the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatious of Loyola. It was not my first SPA getaway but the last time was five years ago so I was in dire need of this much anticipated SPA.

Even though it is easier to find God when we go away on retreat, the truth is that God is everywhere. It's true that there are certain places that facilitate finding Him. For me, it's near the water. I love to sit by the seashore to pray. That is when I feel the closest to God. For some people is in the mountains. They say that when they are in top of the mountain and they see the whole world at their feet, they feel God's presence. I am not much of a mountain person but I experienced this recently on a plane ride. I usually take the aisle seat but this time, the plane was pretty empty and I had three rows of seats to myself. So I moved to the window seat. It was a clear day and I was flying from Hartford, Connecticut to Miami. I was lucky to be on the right side of the plane and most of the flight was near the coastline. I got to experience first hand God's beautiful creation. I saw beaches, hills and valleys. I saw mountains in the distance. I saw swamps and I saw dry land. I saw the green of the trees and the blue of the ocean. And I saw God, because this was His artwork and He was in the artwork.

But we do not need to jump on a plane, we do not need to go up a mountain, we do not need to be by the seashore and we do not need to go to a retreat in order to find God. He is everywhere. We can find Him in all places if we set our mind to it.

St. Ignatious of Loyola gave the first Spiritual Exercises to his first companions in the middle of turbulent Paris. And God was there. He was there for me too the only time I've had the privilege to visit that beautiful city for my daughter's fifteenth birthday. We were driving, trying to find a gas station and we could not find one anywhere. The fuel gauge kept showing us that we had 50 kilometers left, 40, 30, 20... When it reached 10 we stopped on the side of the road. Ten years ago we didn't have a GPS with us that could show us where the nearest gas station was. Rafael decided to go search for one on his feet. He figured that way we would know in which direction to drive instead of wasting the last few liters of fuel driving with no direction. Instead of finding gas, we found God in the outskirts of Paris. He sent us an English-speaking angel to take us to the nearest gas station which was just one block away but in the opposite direction from where Rafael was walking.

God is present everywhere. In the outskirts of Paris and in the streets of Miami. When we are stuck in traffic, God is there. It's actually a great time to talk to God. Turn off the radio and have a personal chat with the Lord. Before you know it, you will have arrived at your destination without stress. When I walk in the mornings, God walks with me. I can feel His presence all around me, in the gentle sway of the trees, in the rustling of the leaves, in the whisper of the wind, in the warmth of the first rays of sunshine, in the chirping noise of the birds as they sing their morning song, in the smell of my neighbor's mango tree, in the ducks that waddle their way across the street... He is everywhere. We just need to tune up our senses to alert them to His presence.

Yes, it is easier to find Him and to hear His voice when we go away on retreat. During my special SPA weekend with the Lord, I heard His voice loud and clear. But realistically, I can't go away on retreat every week. It's even hard to make the time once a year. It had been five years for me since I gave myself this treat. So I need to find the way to make time for God in my own home. I created a special corner where I retreat to when I need to be by myself with my Creator. I tune out the sound of the television coming from the family room and this is the time when I pray, when I meditate, when I hear His voice and when I become a pencil in His hand.

Doing Everything for the Glory of God

When God asks us to be His arms here on earth, many times we ask ourselves, how? What can we possibly do that would help Him make this world a better place? Many times we tend to overthink this. We think of great things we could do and then if we come up short, we give up. But most of the times, all that God wants is for us to be His arms in our everyday lives. Not all of us are called to be Mother Theresa and move to Africa to feed the poor. He needs us to be more like St. Theresa of Lisieux, the Little Flower. We need to do the little things with great love. And then and only then, will He be able to do great things through us.

During Lent, we meditated on some amazing characters from the Bible. Most of those persons were simple individuals who God called and because of their "yes," God was able to do great things through them. They probably didn't think they could do it when they heard the call, but inspired by the Holy Spirit, they ended up in the Bible. There was one character that we never met because I put her name back inside the box. For those that did not read my Lenten journey, I'll explain. At the beginning of Lent, I placed about fifty names in a little box. I would then pray to the Holy Spirit and pull out one name from the box. Some of the characters inspired me to write a few days worth of meditations while others took only a day. As we approached Easter Sunday, I still had close to twenty names inside the box. I was getting very nervous because I felt that Mama Mary had to be mentioned in our journey and I still had not pulled out her name from the box. On Easter Vigil, as I was about to pull out the last name from the box, I prayed to the Holy Spirit: "Please, please, let it be Mary. I need to write about Mary on Easter Sunday, no one else will do." I put my hand inside the box, I pulled out a piece of paper with shaky hands, I opened it with my eyes closed, I slowly opened them to take a peek and I read, Lydia. "Lydia, seriously, You want me to write about Lydia on Easter Sunday? You have got to be kidding me." I was not happy and I defied the Holy Spirit by putting Lydia's name back inside the box. "Let's try this one more time," I said out loud causing my husband to raise an eyebrow thinking I was losing my marbles. "If Lydia comes out again, then I'll research who she is and I'll find the reason why You want me to write about her on Easter Sunday." I gave the box a good shake, I took out a new piece of paper, I opened it, and I jumped in joy when I read Mama Mary clearly written on it." But Lydia stayed in the back of my mind and today I decided to take out my Bible and read about Lydia.

It turns out that Lydia is the perfect example of someone that became God's arm in her little world. Lydia is only mentioned in three verses in the Bible:

"On the sabbath day we went outside the gate by the river, where we supposed there was a place of prayer; and we sat down and spoke to the women who had gathered there. A certain woman named Lydia, a worshiper of God, was listening to us; she was from the city of Thyatira and a dealer in purple cloth. The Lord opened her heart to listen eagerly to what was said by Paul. When she and her household were baptized, she urged us, saying, “If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come and stay at my home... They went to Lydia’s home; and when they had seen and encouraged the brothers and sisters there, they departed." Acts 13-15, 40.

Lydia was a "dealer in purple cloth" which means that she was a business woman, something very normal today but not as common in her time. The city of Thyatira was known for producing a unique purple dye and Lydia was expanding her business to Philippi. That's where she meets Paul.

Lydia was also a "worshipper of God." Many successful business men and women don't have time for God. Their business becomes their god. This was not the case with Lydia. She probably knew that to compete in a man's world she had to have knowledge and dedication, but this didn't mean that she had to turn her back to God. And so we meet her on the sabbath day, worshipping with other women.

As she listened to Paul, her heart was opened to Christ's teachings and she converted. Not only was she baptized but through her conversion, her whole household was baptized. This means her family and her servants, because I am sure that as a prominent business woman who opened the doors of her house to Paul and his entourage, she had to have servants. God used this unknown business woman, to convert many. Being Christian did not make her less of a business woman. On the contrary, now she had Jesus as her business partner. She had become His arm in her world of trading. Not only could His message be spread though her to other business men and women, but as a good Christian woman, she probably used some of her business profits to assist Paul in his ministry.

Lydia continued to sell her dyes while serving God at the same time. God did not ask her to turn her back on her business. He used her where she was. And she continued to sell her purple clothing for the glory of God.

So how can we be God's arm in our own little world? Good question. It may require some praying time and some alone time with Jesus to find the answer. For those of us attending the Spiritual Exercises this coming weekend, we will have plenty of time to pray, think and meditate. For the rest, spending some alone time before going to sleep or in the early morning hours, I usually find are the best times to listen to God's voice within our hearts.

Please keep those of us that will be attending the Spiritual Exercises in your prayers. May our hearts be opened to listen to God's voice and may we be willing to obey Him in whatever He asks of us. May we do everything for the glory of God.