There are many times in our lives when we feel like we are in the middle of a bad dream and we are never going to wake up. Or we feel like we are in the middle of a storm which is never going to end. The past couple of years I have felt like that more than once. Ever since my father landed in the hospital two years ago and we were told that they were going to have to amputate his leg, I have felt that we have been living in the midst of the hurricane. Every time we started to see a ray of light, we would get hit by another thunderbolt. Once the doctors were able to save first one leg through a bypass and then the other one with a catherer, we were hit with a tsunami known as "sarcoma." I have lost count of how many times my father has been in the hospital in these two years between surgeries, skin grafts and collapsed lungs. But in the midst of the storm, I have found God.
Our lives are like the ocean. Sometimes we go through periods where the sea is peaceful. There is a calmness that is inviting us to walk into the ocean. But unfortunately, this peace doesn't last forever. All of a sudden we begin to notice the waves. They start slow, hardly unnoticeable, like when you throw a pebble into the water and you hardly see the ripple effect that it causes. But soon the waves begin to sway higher and higher. The ocean begins to roar and the waves are so high that they threaten to drown us.
When we are in the midst of the roaring ocean, we may feel like God has abandoned us. This happened to the disciples when they were in great distress during the storm at sea. "A great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that the boat was already being swamped. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke him up and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (Matthew 4:37-38). They were afraid and Jesus was asleep. They felt that He did not care about them.
I know many people that are in the midst of a storm right now and they sometimes feel like God has abandoned them. There's a mother who lost her son in a tragic accident and a young wife who lost her husband to cancer and now has to bring up their baby boy without him. I have lost count of how many friends have buried a parent this year. I know at least three persons whose child is battling cancer and I don't have enough fingers in my hands to count the people I know that are undergoing chemotherapy. I know many who have a loved one with a serious mental illness. I have another friend who has become a full time caretaker for her ill husband. I know some that are in the midst of a divorce. So many people are caught up in the storm that I can't help but ask: "Where is God?"
In the midst of tribulations, when we feel that we have no control over the storm, we may lose faith in God. We may feel that He does not care whether we perish or survive. We cry out to Him and He does not answer. He seems to be asleep somewhere while we struggle on our own.
But out of the chaos of our lives, God brings order and purpose. Even though we may feel that God has abandoned us, He is inside the boat with us. "He woke up and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” Then the wind ceased, and there was a dead calm. He said to them, 'Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?' And they were filled with great awe and said to one another, 'Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?'” (Matthew 4:39-41).
God hears our petitions and our prayers. He hears our groanings and our weeping. But He has a goal and a purpose for our lives that may take time and that is why we must go through the storm. He is preparing us for something great because God specializes in turning ugliness into beauty and wastelands into gardens.
As I was trying to stay afloat during one of my father's many hospitalizations, I took out my journal and I read the cover: "In times of joy, thank God. In times of sorrow, seek God. In times of peace, praise God. And always, love God." I realized that while I was weeping and complaining because of everything my father was having to endure, thinking that God had abandoned us, the one that had stopped seeking God was me. God was by our side all along. He was in the boat with us. He was the one that had opened the way for my father to be transferred to the hospital where his leg had been saved. He was the one that had led us to one of the few doctors that treat sarcomas in South Florida. And He was the one holding our hand during every surgery, during every crisis and during every setback. And now we praise Him because we are in a time of peace.
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