Accepting our adult children's choices is probably one of the hardest things for parents. As I mentioned on my last post, we have this tendency to plan their lives including their future. If it was up to us, we would go as far as choosing the perfect mate for our children. But we don't have a choice in the matter. By this time, we have done our part. The future is in their hands. We can give our opinion, even though I don't recommend it unless they ask for advise, but in the end, it's their choice, not ours. We already got married, we already made our choices, some may have been better than others but we learned from the good as well as the bad. Now, it's up to them, not us, who they choose to make a life with.
I was brought up hearing the following saying: "You can date anyone as long as he meets the three C's: Cubano, Conocido y Catolico (Cuban, Known by Us and Catholic). I guess back in Cuba these three criteria were easy to be met because everyone was Cuban, most people were Catholic and everyone knew everyone else. To a certain degree, this is also true of our Cuban community in Miami but unless we keep our children within the confines of our little community, this ain't going to happen. And even if they stay in Miami, chances are they will meet people from other cultures, religions and backgrounds because we are not so contained. Besides, we become very prejudiced when we think this way because there are a lot of people out there that are much better than we are and they don't meet any of the three C's.
Acceptance is an essential ingredient if we want to maintain a happy relationship with our adult children. Yes, we may wish for someone with a degree, or someone with a high-paying job, or someone with our same background or religion, but deep inside, are those things truly that important? The most important thing is the heart within. If the person our children choose as their lifetime mate has a good heart, is a decent person, puts family and good values over everything else, what does it matter if they are rich or poor, an attorney or a gardener, Christian or Jewish, American or German?
I must admit that I have pondered a lot on this subject. I have prayed to God to open up my mind and sometimes the old me still fights to come up to the surface, but I have come to terms with the fact that I must respect my children's choices no matter whom they choose to be their mate. My prayer is that God makes the choice for them and that He chooses someone that is perfect for them so that together, they can walk hand in hand into the future, loving and respecting each other. That is so much more important than the size of their paycheck, the religion they practice or their cultural background.
I have not reached the stage of having daughters or son-in-laws yet, but I'm fast approaching it since my oldest is engaged and getting married in two years. One of the biggest satisfactions for a parent is to see their children happy and my Rafi is so happy. And I believe the same is true for Emily. They complement each other so well that I know she is the answer to my prayers. Theirs is a match made in heaven. They are walking together in the same direction, loving each other, taking care of each other, respecting each other and making each other happy in the process. And I know that I'm not losing a son, on the contrary, I'm gaining a new daughter and I couldn't be happier for them.
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