Traversing through the Barren Desert

“They did Him homage and then returned to Jerusalem with great joy.” Luke 24:52

Lately, my spirituality has been very dry. I feel like if I’m walking through a barren desert. I began the

year, with every intention of finishing my book, but I have hardly touched it. Yes, I could blame it on the fact that I have been pretty overwhelmed with remodeling our new apartment, moving, and work, but the bottom line is that my holy inspiration has completely dried off.

Years ago, I read a book titled “When the Well Runs Dry” by Thomas H. Green. It is exactly how I feel. My spiritual well is dry. I am traversing through the barren desert of my inspiration. I have lost it. There is nothing in there. It has dried up.

But sometimes inspiration comes when I’m not even searching for it. I have been mostly fine with sitting back and not writing. I keep telling myself that I am so busy with other things that there is no time to write. At the end of a busy day, I am so exhausted that I just want to lay in bed with a good book, and don’t bother with trying to write. Today, however, inspiration came knocking during mass. We are spending the weekend in Hallandale Beach, so we went to mass at St. Matthew. The pastor, Father Robert Ayala, just returned from a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. He talked about it during mass. And being that today is the feast of the Ascension of our Lord to heaven, he tied the two experiences together.

As he was talking, I could not help but be transported to my Holy Land pilgrimage last year. When he mentioned their journey through the Via Dolorosa, I clearly saw myself carrying that cross through the streets of Jerusalem. I remember that as we were trying to meditate the Stations of the Cross, for many, it was just another regular day in Jerusalem. The locals were not paying any attention to us. They were going about their business of opening up their storefronts to sell to the tourists or they were buying groceries for their families or they were dressed in suits on their way to their jobs. Both Father Willie during our pilgrimage and Father Robert today in his homily, reminded me that it was the same when Jesus was carrying His cross on the way to His crucifixion. It was just another day in Jerusalem.

The day of the Ascension, though, was not just another day. In the first century, people were used to seeing crucifixions, but nobody had seen anyone ascend to heaven. This day, changed the apostles. They were witnesses to a miracle. And as today’s reading points out: “They did Him homage and then returned to Jerusalem with great joy.” Luke 24:52. Even though we were not physically present on that event during the first century, we are also witnesses like the apostles were. One of the sites that impressed me the most during my pilgrimage was precisely the footprint that Jesus left on earth right before He ascended into heaven. I remember that all of us were looking down at the footprint that was imprinted on the rock, and the thought that stroke me was that all of us had the job to be Jesus’ footprint on this earth. The apostles were the first witnesses and they returned to Jerusalem with great joy because they knew that one day, they would follow Jesus into heaven. But in the meantime, they did not stay in their homes sitting back and relaxing waiting for that moment. No, they became Jesus’ hands and feet on earth. They kept moving and they spread His message to all the corners of the world.

It was thanks to the apostles that we have heard about Jesus. If they had stayed inside their homes simply attending to their daily duties, we would not have the gospels today and we would not have received the message of love and hope. Yes, one day, we will also follow Jesus into heaven, but in the meantime, we cannot sit back, relax and do nothing. We are the descendants of the apostles. We are the new witnesses. It is our job to spread His Word on the 21st century just like it was the apostles’ job on the first century.

Therefore, it is time for me to get out of the barren desert, allow the rain of inspiration to refill my well and pick up where I left off. My fixer upper is finished, we have finally moved, and even though I still have a lot to do, that is no excuse to allow the arid bottom of the well to consume me. Next Sunday, we celebrate Pentecost, so I will lift this prayer to the Holy Spirit: “Come Holy Spirit and kindle in my mind the fire of holy inspiration. Allow my mind to be renewed by the fire of your love. Instruct my heart to be able to hear the fire of your Word. And give me the wisdom to spread your message to those that are open to receive it. Amen.”

Dumbfounded by the Smartness

After nine months, we finally moved into our fixer-upper this week. Since we had been in our previous home for 25 years, we decided it was time to join the 21st century, and thus we acquired some of the latest technology. But after spending our first night in our smart apartment, we realized that either the apartment is too smart or we are really dumb.

Our first splurge was on the smart toilet. In order to transition from a four-bedroom house into a two-bedroom apartment, there were some things that we had to give up because obviously, there was no room to accommodate everything. One of those items was the bidet. Rafael could not care less about the bidet, but I was not ready to part from it. Therefore, when we visited Ferguson last fall, we were sucker-punched into acquiring a smart toilet. The sales lady told us that we would love this toilet, and we dumbly believed her. As a great sales person, she told us that the smart toilet could pretty much do anything, including serve as a bidet. That was sufficient to convince me. However, she failed to tell us that learning to operate this fancy toilet would require a degree from Harvard School of Smart Toilets. I must confess that I don’t have such degree, and thus, I was very intimidated by Flushing Flora (FF). The first day, I kept using the regular toilet in the other bathroom. When I finally found the courage to approach FF, I could not get it to flush. Oh no... first test and I already got an F. I literally had to find a bucket to flush FF the old fashioned way. No matter how hard I pressed the manual button, FF refused to flush. It took me an hour to figure out that somehow our smart toilet that needs electricity in order to work, was not getting electricity. The outlet just wasn’t working. I checked the breaker, and it was on. Then I realized that none of the outlets in the master bathroom were working, so I called our general contractor. When Rafael got home, he also inspected everything, including the breaker, and we still could not get anything to work. Therefore, the electrician paid us a visit the next morning only to realize that instead of turning on the breaker, we had actually turned it off. Needless to say, we felt really dumb.

After three days in the apartment, I still have a love-hate relationship with FF. I have managed to learn most of its idiosyncrasies, but I can’t say that I love them all. The seat warms up when you sit down... this should be a great feature if you live in Alaska, but in my case, I’m a bit terrified that it will burn me. While I’m trying to concentrate on doing number two, it squirts some odor control crap that hopefully won’t give me the hives. Smart FF flushes by itself. However, this can be very annoying, especially when FF kept flushing itself every six seconds whether we used it or not, thus the reason why I baptized it FF. But we finally figured out how to program it so that now it only flushes itself when we use it... most of the time. And then, there’s the love portion of our relationship, the reason why I convinced Rafael to invest in FF in the first place... the bidet. I can set the spray strength, the width, the temperature and the direction. Heavens, I can practically take a bath in FF. I may just need to set myself a timer or I may end up spending too much time with FF.

There is one member in our household, though, that will never love FF. It took less than a day for Penny, my dog, to learn to hate FF. She was sniffing the new apartment, and when she approached FF, it scared her out of her wits sending her running out of the bathroom. The good news is that she will never bother me when I’m sitting on FF like she used to do in our old house. You see, FF is so sensitive that as soon as she senses movement near her, she opens up to welcome you. If I approach the sink to wash my hands or brush my teeth, FF opens up. She’s like an evil temptress trying to lure you in. And she has outsmarted me for sure, but not my Penny, she ran out and will never get near her again.

Our second splurge was the Nest thermostat. This time, it was my hubby the one that convinced me to invest on this very smart gadget that can learn your temperature habits and program itself without you needing to do it. However, as we soon learned, in order for the Nest to learn your habits, you first have to program it, and Dumb and Dumber missed the memo on when the Nest learning seminar would take place. Therefore, on our first night in the apartment, we froze to death. And that’s a lot to say for my hubby, who is never cold. I am always cold so you can imagine. I woke up at least ten times shivering during the night. The next morning, my hubby decided that this would never happen again. We are both “smart” after all, so it could not be that difficult to program the Nest. He grabbed his smart phone, he downloaded the Nest app, and he figured out how to control the temperature. After just five minutes, we started feeling too warm. I walked into the closet, and noticed that the air blowing out through the vents was very hot. Somehow, while programming the Nest, he switched it from air conditioning mode to heater mode. As much as we both tried to figure out how to switch it back, we simply failed miserably. And the worst part is that we just could not turn off the heater. When we began to sweat bullets, we turned off the breaker... yes, this time we made sure we had turned it in the right direction. We had to learn how to operate the Nest the old fashioned way... by reading the manual. And yes, the Nest can be programmed manually. There is no need to allow it to control our habits and thus make us feel really dumb.

And last but not least, we decided to really splurge and we got ourselves an smart bed. After all, we are getting old, we told each other, and sleep is very important when we are about to spend one third of our remaining life sleeping. We did a lot of research this time around, and we decided to invest, yes, because it is truly an investment, on the Sleep Number bed (SNB). We spent two hours at the store, laying down on one of their magnificent models. It was so comfortable that I almost felt asleep while I listened to Maria, the sales lady, explain to us all the wonderful qualities of this bed and how it would change our lives. She convinced us and we ordered the SNB. She gave us a booklet that explained that on the day of delivery, it would take the technicians two hours to put our bed together and give us a personalized demonstration on how to operate the bed. On delivery day, the guys put together the bed not in two hours, but in just 45 minutes. Great, I thought, we have 75 minutes for the lesson, and dumb me will need every one of those minutes. I was ready with pen and paper to take notes on everything they said. I told the delivery guys, I’m ready for my lesson. They looked at me, dumbfounded... “It’s not that difficult,” they said. My 75-minute lesson took just 5 minutes. All they showed me was how to operate the remote control. One button switches the control from head to foot, another one changes it from the left to the right side of the bed, and the third button controls the up and down movement. “Any questions?” It seemed simple enough, except for all the other buttons in the remote control that they did not teach me. As they were leaving, I remembered... “Wait, how about the nightlight?” Yes, the bed even comes with its own nightlight, a very important feature for me that needs to get up at least once in the middle of the night to pay a visit to FF. He showed me how to operate the nightlight, which I could not see on the daylight but he pointed it out, “see, it’s on,” and since I did not want to look any dumber than I already felt, I trusted him.

On our first night, we got into the smart bed, pushed all the buttons just as they taught me and it’s a miracle, everything works fine and it’s not so difficult. Finally we got a smart gadget made for dummies... or so we thought. I tried to turn on the nightlight... it didn’t work. And wait, how am I supposed to inflate and deflate the mattress? They didn’t teach me that very important feature. Then we remembered... there’s an app. So instead of going to sleep like we would have by this time on a regular mattress, here we are at 11 o’clock at night, figuring out how to work the stup..., sorry, the smart bed. We finally figured out how to inflate it and deflate it. In the store they had given us our numbers but we just couldn’t remember them, was it 40 or 60? We decided to try it out at 55 and see what happens. The nightlight... did not turn on. Oh well, we guessed it was better off than on. We went to sleep and woke up, at least ten times during the night... however, we were cold so we decided not to blame the SNB just yet. The app is supposed to show you how you slept. According to my app, I was only in bed for one hour and twenty minutes, and in that time, I only slept nine minutes. I guess my app is not so smart after all because I was definitely in bed for longer than that... but maybe it did get the nine minutes of sleep correct.

After just three days in our new apartment, I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and dumber than I have ever felt. Thank God, the Brandsmart salesman did not caboodled us into buying a smart refrigerator. We got a regular one and I am so happy for that decision. I think I can figure out if I need to buy milk without the fridge telling me. Right now, I’m at the Poconos for a wedding, and I am looking forward to spending a normal weekend away from FF, the Nest, and the SNB. Maybe here I can feel smart once again.

It’s Lent again... Oh No!!!

”Return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God.” Joel 2:12-13

Even though this year Lent began later than usual, it just creeped up on me. I must confess that I do not like Lent. Can you blame me? Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice...

I went to mass last night for Ash Wednesday. As I knelt on the pew, I felt totally unprepared for this Lenten journey. I have not gone to confession in a year. I usually try to go right before Advent and right before Lent. I missed Advent, and I did not go before Lent. Sometimes, I do a retreat, but not this year. I have also not signed up to do any special online Lenten preparations.

On Tuesday night, when I realized that Lent was upon me, I began to think about what to give up this Lent. Most years, I know way in advance what I’m going to give up. This year... I had no clue. Should I give up Facebook? No, I did that last year and I’m not addicted to Facebook anymore. Should I give up chocolate? I could, but it did not seem enough of a sacrifice. Should I give up Madeline’s? I am definitely addicted to them. My day starts with a cortadito and a Madeline. Should I give up desserts? That would definitely be a good thing to give up for my waistline. In the end, I decided to give up all sweets. Boy, I am surely going to miss my Madeline’s, my Dove chocolates and my desserts, because I do have a sweet tooth.

Even after deciding on my sacrifice, I still felt completely unprepared for this Lenten season. I arrived to church, and I had a hard time tuning out all the noise and distractions around me. It was the CCD mass, so half the church was packed with children who would not stop talking. I also sat next to a couple who clearly suffered from FOMO. Both of them were on their phones texting and surfing. Finally, I closed my eyes and prayed to Jesus to allow me to tune out the distractions so I could hear His message.

I figured I would hear His message in the homily. The priest compared the ashes to the seal you get on your passport when you travel. He said that Lent is a journey, and the ashes are the seal you receive to welcome you on the journey. It made a lot of sense, but I still missed Jesus’ message to me.

I went through the motions during the entire mass. I got my ashes, together with over a thousand people. What is it about the ashes that bring so many people to church? Even the FOMO couple sitting next to me was obviously there just for the ashes, since they left as soon as they received the ashes. I obviously did not hear Jesus’ message in the ashes since I was being critical of everything that was happening all around me.

And then, it came time to receive Communion. By this time, half the people had already left. I thought to myself, “They are missing the better part. They just don’t get it. They came for the ashes, and they don’t realize that Jesus is alive in the Eucharist.” I went up to receive the Body of Christ, and I noticed the hands of the Eucharistic minister. They were the hands of a humble, working man. His nails were filled with black sod and he had callused fingers. I thought to myself, “he’s probably a gardener who landscapes for a living.”

When I returned to my pew, I could not stop thinking about the Eucharistic minister. Here was a humble gardener handing out the Body of Christ. And I thought, that is what is all about. Jesus chose the most humble of men to spread His message. Who were the disciples? Twelve simple men, most of them fishermen, with dirty nails and callused hands. And here I was, two thousand years later, receiving the Body of Christ and His message from a simple man with dirty nails and callused hands. While I was in my pew casting judgment on the FOMO couple next to me, this humble man, who had probably worked all day, was here witnessing to Christ. By sharing the Eucharist with this sinful servant, He had opened my eyes to Jesus’ message to me.

It is Lent again... Oh Yes!!! I have 40 days to remember what Jesus did for me. I have 40 days to remember that He sacrificed His life for me. While He gave it all, all I’m giving up is sweets. And I’m complaining about it. Boy, do I need this Lent.

Jesus, help me to walk this Lenten journey with You. Help me to remember those that are carrying a heavy cross. Help me to realize that my little sacrifice can never measure up to the huge sacrifice You did for me. Help me to criticize less and praise more. Help me to open my heart so that You can resurrect within me. Help me to grow closer to You during the next 40 days. Help me to return to You with my whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning. Help me to rend my heart, not my garments. Help me to return to You, my LORD, my God.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Do you suffer from FOMO?

Last night, we went out to dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend. She was telling us about this young intern on her job who spends all the time on his phone. She knew that they needed to have a conversation with him. If he was constantly on his phone, obviously he was not doing his job. When they talked to him, he agreed that his phone was definitely a problem. But he had a great excuse. He suffered from FOMO. My daughter’s jaw dropped. “Excuse me? You suffer from what?” “FOMO,” he said. “You know, fear of missing out.” If my daughter’s jaw dropped, mine hit the floor. “What do you mean? Fear of missing out? Missing out from what?”

Thirty-six hours ago, I had no idea what FOMO meant. I had never heard the term. But once my daughter explained it to me, I realized that in some way or another, we all suffer from FOMO. This is the virus of the 21st century, and the reason why most of us cannot put down our phones.

The way she explained it to me was that this kid could not put down his phone because he was afraid to miss a text message or an Instagram picture or a Facebook post. He was fearful that if he disconnected from his phone for longer than five minutes, he would miss out on the ultimate plan for the weekend or on the greatest gossip of the day. Sound familiar?

Social media has become a virus and most of us are not immune to it. Many of us have been attacked by the FOMO virus. The first symptom crops up in the morning. If the first thing we do when we wake up is grab our phone, chances are that we have been infected. In that first hour of the morning we go through a frenzy stage. We check our emails, our text messages, our Facebook accounts, our Instagram.... What did we miss out while we were sleeping? Yes, we are definitely suffering from FOMO.

I recently read an article titled “Ten Morning Habits to Start your Day Off Right.” (https://chopra.com/articles/10-morning-habits-to-start-your-day-off-right). The very first habit was: “Stay unplugged from tech.” It said that “If the first thing you do when you wake up is check your smartphone for messages or work email, you are doing yourself a disservice. You are immediately cultivating a reactive mindset, instead of a proactive one, which will cause you to start your day in a defensive state, rather than a place of inner peace and control. Instead, try remaining detached from technology for the first hour of your day so you can begin your day with present-moment awareness and a positive focus.” Easier said than done.

Last year, during Lent, I decided to give up Facebook. The reason I chose this was because I realized that I was becoming addicted. I did not know that my addiction had a name, but now in retrospect, I know that I was definitely suffering from a bad case of FOMO. The first thing I did when I woke up was scroll through my news feed. I would crave knowing what people where up to, where they went on the weekend, who’s kid had gotten married, where they went on vacation, what restaurants were popular, etc. I tried to cover my addiction by claiming that I used social media to keep up with friends and for my spirituality. Even though that is true to a certain degree, the bottom line is that more than anything I was using it for fear of missing out. What I did not realize at the time was that due to this FOMO virus, I was truly missing out. I was spending more time checking people through Facebook than truly connecting with them on a personal level. Giving up Facebook for Lent was the best decision that I ever made. At first it was difficult. I guess I had withdrawal symptoms. But after a while, I stopped missing it and I felt liberated. Even though I did go back to it after Lent, I don’t feel addicted to it anymore. Sometimes more than a week goes by, and I haven’t even logged into my Facebook account. Am I missing out? Probably. Does it matter? Definitely not. I am not missing out from the important things. And who cares what anyone did on the weekend, where they went on vacation or what restaurant they frequent. It is more important to spend time with friends in person than through a screen.

If just like me this is the first time you hear the term FOMO, don’t think that this is a virus that only affects the millennials. It may have started with them but it has certainly propagated to all the generations. While we were at the restaurant last night, I looked around me, and while in some tables some people were actually deep in conversation, there were many others that were spending more time on the phone than interacting. I have seen young couples who are obviously on a date, paying more attention to their phones than to each other. I have also seen senior citizens hooked to their smart phones. Some restaurants have implemented the idea of tech-free dinners. They have placed a box on the tables with creative signs that say something like “Disconnect to Re-Connect” or something as simple as “We’d like to invite you to unplug during your meal.” In Singapore, McDonald’s launched a campaign titled “Phone Off, Fun On.” They have set up mobile phone lockers at their restaurants so customers can stow away their devices during mealtime.

Now that I know that this tech addiction has a name, I think I’m going to copy the restaurants initiative and place a phone drop-off box in my home. I will call this box JOMO... the joy of missing out.

Copyright © 2019 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.  

Back on Track

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” ~Thomas A. Edison

I started the New Year with a cold. I was feeling better yesterday, but last night I was very congested and did not sleep very well. By 5 am, I realized going back to sleep was not going to happen. I got up, grabbed my iPad, and opened my blog. I have been reading some of my old posts for the past two hours. While reading them, I realized that I got out of the path that God had set for me a year ago. I had started writing a book back in 2008, but I never finished it. At the beginning of 2018, I felt God pushing me to finish the book. My goal for 2018 was to finish writing the book. I did pretty good for the first nine months. I finished the first fourteen chapters, which was a pretty big accomplishment considering that in the previous decade I had never made it past chapter six. But then I got off the writing path. Yes, I had good excuses. My son’s wedding in October, Thanksgiving, Christmas, preparing to move into a new home, and the list could go on and on. But the bottom line is, that I just lost the zest or the inspiration to keep writing.

While I was in bed, congested and upset because I wanted to go back to sleep and couldn’t, I started thinking that maybe I could just put the book aside for another decade, and write about something completely different. I was trying to convince myself that God had changed His plan for me. After all, He changes everyone’s plans all the time. Today, we celebrate the feast of the Three Kings. God completely changed the three Kings’ plans. I am sure that when they woke up on that cold Christmas morning, 2,000 years ago, the furthest thing from their mind was that on that day they were going to follow a star. I am sure that when Gaspar looked up to the Indian sky with a cup of coffee in his hand, and he saw the bright star, he probably thought to himself, “I better go back to bed.” But God did not allow Him to go back to sleep. So he packed up his bags, and began to follow the star. Somewhere along the way, while crossing the Persian territory, he caught up with Melchior who had also seen the star, and was wondering whether to return to his science books or listen to God’s voice. And further down the road, as they crossed into the Arabian countryside, they encountered a confused Balthasar who was looking towards the sky trying to decide what to do. God changed their plans, but because they obeyed Him and followed the star, they received the greatest gift when they met Jesus Christ.

After praying, reading and meditating, I have come to the realization that in my case, the only one that wants to change the plan is me. The one that got off track is me. God clearly set the path for me a year ago, but somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the star. I put my unfinished project aside, and went in a completely different direction. And God is asking me once again to get back on track and finish the project. He even dropped a book into my hands about the subject of “virtues” which is where I left off. I have yet to read the book, but I think is time to open it and read it. Hopefully it will give me the inspiration that I have been lacking. Now I know why God did not allow me to go back to sleep. He pushed me out of bed to get me back on track. He wants me to finish the project, no matter how long it takes me to do so.

I Don't Need Any Gifts this Christmas

December 11, 2018

It's been a while since I write. I have not posted on my blog since Rafi and Emily got married, and I have not written a word on my personal journal. I could find one thousand excuses, but the bottom line is that I simply have not made the time for it. It's easy to say, "I have been too busy to write," but I find time to do other things. I could say, "I'm going through a dry spell," but I know from experience that the minute that I open my journal and grab a pen, the words just fall on the page as if by holy inspiration.

Today, I went to mass. This is rare for me on a weekday. But today, we did not do our usual morning walk and rosary because it was simply too cold in Miami. And yes, my inner temperature is definitely tropical. I have to wear a sweater if it drops below 80 degrees. Even though I did not set my alarm, I woke up early and was on my feet at 4:45. Therefore, I decided that instead of going to the office earlier than usual, I would pay a visit to Jesus. I have so much to be thankful for this year, and I usually only visit Him in the Blessed Sacrament when I'm in need. Today, I was early enough that I was able to pay Him a visit before mass.

We all have those years that we would rather erase from the calendar. I remember recent years that I would delete... 2009, 2013, 2014, 2016... Usually, these are years when really bad things have happened in our lives. 2009 was the year that Rafi was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. 2013 was the year that we lost both our in-laws and my dad almost lost his leg. 2014 was the year that my dad was diagnosed with an angiosarcoma, and 2016 was the year that he left us. But even in spite of these hardships, every year is usually a mix of suffering and blessings. Yes, 2009 was the year that Rafi was diagnosed, but that year Rafael and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Rafi's illness, instead of driving us apart, it sealed us together, and now we are glued to each other like cement. It was also the year that we began serving our community in the ministry of mental illness, and the blessings that we have received through this service, far surpasses the pain and suffering we felt on that fateful 24th of April when we received the news that our son was being hospitalized in a mental health facility.

Even in 2013 when we were hit with one hardship after another, my husband returned to his old job and old boss, and we have been blessed a thousand fold by that decision. It was also the year when Alex graduated from high school, and started at UConn. It was the year when Chabeli passed her CPA exam and graduated with her MBA. And my dad did not lose his leg.

When my dad was diagnosed with his cancer, we had a perfectly planned trip to the Scandinavian Countries. We had to cancel it, but that opened the door to an unexpected trip to Spain at the end of the year to use up the open tickets that otherwise would have expired. We had not visited Spain, my other home country, in ten years. I got to see my friends who are like family. I got to visit the school where I had gone for elementary, and I even got to reconnect with my 4th grade teacher who is now the superior of their congregation. We still email each other to this day. And the best part of that year was that my dad was given a reprieve. His cancer was cured, at least temporarily, and God gave us the gift of two additional years with him. It helped to prepare us to let him go in 2016. It made his parting easier, and we have the hope that we will be reunited with him one day.

There are years, however, when the blessings far surpass the pain and suffering. This is what 2018 has been for us. A year where the blessings have rained down from heaven. I know that this year was definitely a gift from above, so I feel that I have to be on my knees every minute saying "thank You, Jesus."

Among the many blessings, Rafael and I got to go to the Holy Land with an outstanding group of pilgrims, and the two most amazing priests. This was by far the number one item on my bucket list since 2010. We had an invitation to go that year, but we had to decline because we just did not feel comfortable leaving the country after Rafi had just returned to Princeton after his leave of absence. After that, we received two more invitations, but the timing was never quite right. But 2018 was definitely our year. The timing was just perfect, and it marked the start of the shower of blessings that God would send us.

Chabeli was promoted at her work with an incredible review. Alex, who had a difficult time finding a job after graduating in December 2017, received an offer right after we returned from the Holy Land. This had been one of my top prayers while visiting all the sacred sites, and Jesus answered it right away. And the bonus was that the job was on Hallandale Beach, so he was staying very close to home.

Another major blessing for me was to be able to attend a convention in Vegas with Rafi about disability inclusion. I sat at one of his two talks, and I was in awe to see how far he has come. It took me a while to come to terms with his illness, and to accept the fact that he would probably live with it for the rest of his life. When I finally acknowledged that this did not have to be the end of our world, my prayer for my son turned from "please, God, heal him," to "please, God, empower Rafi to share his testimony and help others through his experience." This prayer was answered with fireworks in Vegas. When I heard my son speak, and more important, when I heard the feedback that he received, I just wanted to drop on my knees right then and there in front of everyone. I heard people come up to him at the end to thank him for sharing his journey. I heard a lady tell him that he had given her hope. What more could I ask for? When I returned, Rafael and I watched the videos of his two talks, and we just looked at each other and smiled. The journey had been difficult, sometimes it still is, but if this is Rafi's mission, blessed be the Lord.

You can only imagine what seeing him get married meant for us. When a child gets diagnosed with a serious mental illness, you don't know what the future holds. Keeping him alive becomes the primary goal at first. The next one is to make sure that he can lead a normal life in spite of his illness. We knew that for this to happen, he needed a special woman in his life. We prayed for her, and God sent him Emily. She is an angel in Rafi's life. Rafael and I refer to her as Saint Emily. When I heard Rafi speak his vows, my heart was ready to explode with joy. You see, Rafi has never been very emotional, so to see him pour out all the love that he felt for her from his heart, was more than a mother could ask for. But when the flood gates opened was when Emily said her vows to him. To see my son through her eyes was the biggest gift that I could have ever asked for. If I had any doubts before, I knew then and there that Emily had been especially hand-picked for Rafi by our Lord.

There are many more little blessings that we have received throughout this year: a new apartment that will become our home in 2019; my practice grew a lot so I had to move into a larger office, and hire a new employee; Alex, who has been having health issues, had a procedure yesterday and the results were benign; Rafi and Emily had a flawless honeymoon around the world in spite of my worries because of certain places that they were visiting; Chabeli is expanding her horizons with new clients...  I definitely don't need any gifts this Christmas. All I need to do is wrap all the blessings that I have received this year within my heart, and reopen each one every year, especially on those tough years that will inevitably leave a mark on my calendar because life is a rollercoaster... some years we are up, others we are down, but the majority, it's a mix of ups and downs.

I know many people that would like to erase 2018 from their calendars... I have attended many funerals of dear friends and family members; I have friends that have been diagnosed with that monster that we know as "cancer"; I have friends that have lost their jobs; I know people that are dealing with legal issues, financial issues, family problems... whatever it is that makes you want to delete this year from your lives, take it to the cross and place it at Jesus' feet. And then, make a list of the blessings that you have received this year, and place those at Jesus' feet as well. Thank Him for the blessings, and ask Him to open your heart to see how you can offer up your suffering for others. He will answer your prayer because He always does. Just be patient, because He always answers but in His time, not ours. And if you feel that He is ignoring you, it may be because He has a different plan, and you may need to adjust your prayer. He did not grant me a cure for Rafi, but He granted me an even bigger gift because I have no doubt that a lot of people will benefit from Rafi opening up his heart, and sharing his journey with the world.

The best gift that we can all give to Jesus this Christmas is to make time for Him... whether by attending an additional mass on a weekday, or an hour just sitting at His feet in the Blessed Sacrament, or separating time for Him even if we can only do it from our homes or in the car. And I promise that the gift we give to Him, will be returned to us a hundred fold. Look what it did for me. I had not written a word in over a month, and He showered me with inspiration, simply because I made time for him this morning. Yes, I definitely don't need any gifts this Christmas. I have already received them.

Thank You, Jesus!!!  I love You with all my heart!!!

Twenty Pieces of Wisdom to my Son and Daughter-in-Law as They Begin their Marriage Journey

“Marriage is a Journey, not the Destination.”

Today, you begin your “Marriage Journey.” I call it a journey because that’s what it is. It’s a journey of love, sprinkled with unexpected surprises, lots of rainbows, plenty of sunshine, but also many rainy days, uphill battles and a few tornadoes. Even though I am not an expert on this journey because I learn something new every day, I am 34 years ahead of you, so I would like today to share some of the wisdom that I have picked up along the way. I hope that if you ever read my blog in the future, it will help you, not to resolve your problems or to answer all your questions, but hopefully, it will help you to realize that you are not alone on this journey.

Here are twenty pieces of wisdom that I have picked up during my own journey. They are in no particular order, and not one is more important than the other:

    1. Celebrate each anniversary as if it’s your first one. If you enjoy eating out at fancy restaurants, make it a point of always going to a fancy restaurant on the 27th of October. If for whatever reason you cannot, bring the fancy restaurant to you. We have celebrated anniversaries at home, in restaurants, and even in the hospital. When you, Rafi, had encephalitis at the age of two, we celebrated our 7th anniversary at Miami Children’s, but we still had our fancy meal by your side.

    2. Send each other love messages. Your generation doesn’t write on paper much anymore, but once in a while, surprise each other with an actual paper card. We have 37 years of cards and letters stored inside a box. Just recently, we took them all out and read a few from when we started dating. We had to laugh at how tacky we sounded, but we were young and in love. We are not so young anymore, but we are still in love, and we still send each other cards. You can also send each other a quick text message to let each other know that “I’m thinking of you.”

    3. Go on an impromptu date in the middle of the day. You can go on a lunch date, or just meet at Central Park and share a sandwich together.

    4. Say “I love you” to each other at least once a day. And never stop saying it. Even if it’s at night, right before you go to sleep.

    5. When you argue, and you will argue, never, ever, bring the word “divorce” into the argument. You have made a commitment to each other for a lifetime. The world will let you know that if it doesn’t work out, divorce is always a choice. Don’t allow it to be. Every argument, every disagreement, has a solution, but when you bring “divorce” into the argument as an option, it will become the solution. We have seen many marriages that could have been saved end up in divorce because that seemed the only solution, and we know there is always another path, the one that leads to reconciliation.

    6. When the children arrive, don’t allow them to become the center of your universe. You two are the roots of the tree and the children are just the branches. The tree cannot survive without the roots. Your children will be happier if you are happy and you have solid, strong roots. Yes, they will demand your full attention, but don’t take each other for granted. Let them know that mom and dad also need “alone” time.

    7. Take one vacation a year without the kids. It can be just a weekend getaway, but that time alone without them will sprinkle a much needed dose of fertilizer into your marriage. And yes, you will spend the entire weekend talking about the kids.

    8. Surprise each other with gifts “just because.” It doesn’t need to be anything big or fancy. Picking up Emily’s favorite dessert on your way home, or getting Rafi a puzzle because he still enjoys them it’s enough to let each other know that you care.

    9. Communication is one of the most important ingredients to a successful marriage. If anything is bothering you, even if it seems insignificant, bring it up in conversation. It’s better to be open than to allow something small to grow into something big. Don’t let the glass get full drop by drop because eventually, there will be one drop that will cause the glass to spill.

    10. When we got married, we were told never to go to bed angry. That advice did not work for us. It is better for us to simmer overnight and discuss the problem the following morning after a good night sleep. You need to find what works for you. If being angry at each other is going to keep you awake at night, then make-up before going to bed. If you need to let the anger simmer down, then give yourselves time to cool off. It’s better to be quiet than to say things to each other that you will later regret, because words do hurt and they cannot be taken back.

    11. Never sleep in separate rooms even if you are so angry at each other that you don’t feel like sharing a bed. If you get in that habit, eventually you will end up living separately within the same home. Many nights we have gone to bed angry, and we don’t even want to look at each other. But we still share our bed. The following morning, the problem doesn’t seem as big as it did the night before.

    12. Allow the child in you to come out once in a while, or a lot. Yes, I give you permission to continue catching Pokémon even after you turn 95. If you love doing puzzles, like I do, buy yourselves a 1,000 piece puzzle and put it in the middle of the living room table. This drives your dad insane but I do it anyway. Continue inviting friends over for board games night. Your children are going to love the child in you, so sit with them on the floor to play and let the inner child have its way.

    13. Your children will need your love, not an inheritance. LOL. Sorry guys, you may not get an inheritance but I promise to love you a lot. Seriously, you both studied hard, you work hard, so now, enjoy the fruits of your labor. If you can afford to travel in first class, don’t hold back, enjoy it. Continue going to fancy Michelin star restaurants. Travel to the four corners of the world. I know you are doing many of these things already, but don’t stop doing them after the children come. The best gift you can give them is to share life with them, rather than give them material things.

    14. Even though in the previous wisdom it seems I’m telling you to go spend all your money, you still need to save for a rainy day. Remember, I’m an accountant, and in my experience, I can tell you that 90% of the population live from day to day. This has nothing to do with how much you earn. It has to do with creating good habits. We used to save when we got married and were earning just enough to make ends meet, just like we save now that we are earning a whole lot more. I have clients that make a lot of money but they don’t save a penny. They spend everything they earn in material possessions. You never know when life can throw you a curve ball and you may be without a job. They say it’s good to have six months of your salary saved up. I say, if possible, have one year of your salary saved up.

    15. Do not allow your jobs or your material possessions to become the god in your lives. Take time to enjoy life. And not all that is good costs money. If you enjoy the mountains, take a day off and go for a hike. If you enjoy the outdoors, spend a day at the park. If you enjoy the water, go down by the river and have yourselves a picnic. I know you love museums, continue visiting like you do, once a week. And also, find time to rest. There is no need to be always on the go. Take time to read a book, watch a movie or enjoy a TV show. If your job starts to take up every minute of your day, where you find yourselves just working and sleeping, stop and plan a different route. Yes, work is important because it opens the doors to many things, but you cannot live to work, you have to work to live.

    16. You have both been blessed with an amazing education and with an incredible job. Most of the world lives in poverty. Share your blessings, your time, your treasures, and your talent with those in need. You cannot help the whole world, but you can help a small fraction. Find your passion, and put it to good use. When we serve others, we receive much more than what we give. There is joy in serving, and there is so much need out there. You don’t need to go very far. I am sure there are people in need in your own backyard. Don’t hold back. Share what you have so generously received, and trust me, your life will have so much more meaning.

    17. Do not live your marriage in isolation. We humans were created to live in community. Build friendships and cherish them. Find a group, whether is through work, through church, or through your friends, where you can get together once in a while to do activities together or simply to talk. This will be especially important when you become parents. You will need a whole community behind you to lend you a hand whether is for advice, babysitting or just for some adult conversation. And you, in return, will be there for them as well.

    18. Make room for God in your lives. I know that right now you are young, and you feel that you have the world in your hands. But life can turn upside down from one minute to the next. Don’t keep God inside a drawer only to remember Him when the going gets tough. Your journey will be a lot easier if you allow Him to walk with you every step of the way, not only when the going gets tough.

    19. I hope you make me a grandma soon. A good friend told me recently that whomever said that children were the happiness in a marriage was sterile. LOL. I must agree with her. Children are not the happiness in a marriage. The two of you and the love that you feel for each other are the happiness in the marriage. However, children will complete you. You may not have children, either by choice or simply because they won’t come. And you will still be happy without them. But if you do decide to have them and you are blessed with them, as tough as life can get sometimes when a child gets sick or has a problem at school or gets in trouble in college, the joy that they bring to a marriage far surpasses the pain. I can tell you from my own experience that my life would not have been complete without my three children. Anything that I have accomplished is inferior to my becoming a mom, and I know that dad feels the same way, even though he will never admit it, LOL.

    20. You are not alone on this journey, so whenever you have a question or need some advice, don’t hesitate to grab the phone and make a call. You can call dad and I at any time, day or night. We will always be here for you, and even if we give you a hard time once in a while, we are your biggest cheerleaders because we want you to succeed and have a long lasting marriage.

May God bless you today and always, and may He always walk by your side even when you feel that you don’t need Him. May He bless you with the children that I know He has already chosen to give you, and may you never take each other for granted. Enjoy the marriage journey, and may it be filled with joy, adventure, surprises and lots of unending love. May you live “ramily” ever after.