Journey into the Boot: La Dolce Roma

August 4, 2016

We arrived in Rome at noon. I had been paranoid, prior to the trip, that our luggage was going to get lost. I had even attempted to pack all our clothing in one medium suitcase and one carry-on, but packing light is an art which I have not been able to master. I had no choice but to check-in two medium pieces of luggage. I breathed a sigh of relief when they emerged on the carousel.

Our home for the night was a Marriott hotel in the center of Rome, Grand Hotel Flora. The bellman took our luggage while we went up to our room. And we waited. And waited. And waited. After waiting for an hour, I called downstairs to inquire about our luggage. They told me they would bring it up right away. After 30 minutes, we decided to go downstairs and bring it up ourselves. Our luggage was nowhere to be found. Wonderful. The airline didn't lose our suitcases but the hotel did. Eventually they found them. They had taken them up to the wrong room. God willing, this minor mishap will be the only one.

Finally we could go explore la dolce Roma. We hit the road and began walking down Via Vittorio. The heat was intense, but we were not complaining. After all, we are from Miami. We are used to the heat. When it got to be too much, we just sat in a bar and drank a cold birre. We also ordered a panini with prosciutto and cheese. Then we proceeded with our exploration, this time down Via Tritone. Then we took a side street and ended up in Piazza Spagna. By this time, we were so exhausted, we headed back to the hotel.

Rome is packed with tourists. There are people from every part of the world. I've heard French, English, German, Spanish, Chinese, and of course, Italian. I also heard some other languages that I was not able to identify. It's interesting how we are all different and yet, so much alike. Most people were with family. Parents with children. Couples. Grandparents. Teenagers. No matter what country we come from, we all value family and friendships with the same intensity and passion. It's a shame that we allow our differences to create barriers instead of concentrating on our similarities. The world would be a much better place if we cared for one another with the same intensity that we care for the members of our own family.

At night, after taking a nice refreshing shower at the hotel, we had a delicious dinner at Dal Bolognese on Piazza del Popolo, where I took this picture:

The tagliatelle al Bolognese was exquisite and the prawn carpaccio was out  of this world. Italians really know how to eat. I just don't understand how they manage to stay so skinny. It must be all the walking. I would have had enough with those two dishes, but then they brought me a veal a la Milanese that was bigger than the plate, accompanied by mashed potatoes. I was only able to eat one third even though it was divine. My hubby opted for the rack of lamb which was so tender you could cut it with a fork. And even though we couldn't eat another bite, we just had to try the homemade tiramisu which was by far the best I've ever had. And of course, all that was accompanied by a bottle of Barolo. We skipped the coffee because we wanted to make sure we had a good night sleep. Tomorrow, we must be on our feet at 5:30 am, Italian time. And with the jet lag, it's like going to sleep at 5 pm and waking up at 11:30 pm in Miami. 

Bonna sera.

Journey into the Boot: Italy, here we come

"Carry no purse, no bag, no sandals; and greet no one on the road. Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this house!’ And if anyone is there who shares in peace, your peace will rest on that person; but if not, it will return to you. Remain in the same house, eating and drinking whatever they provide, for the laborer deserves to be paid. Do not move about from house to house." Luke 10:4-7

August 3, 2016

I'm on my way to Italy. I have pinched myself a few times to make sure I'm not dreaming. But it looks like it's for real. I am inside a plane Rome bound.

If anyone had told me a month ago that I would be doing this, my answer would have been: "No way!" A trip to Italy in the month of August was the farthest thing from my mind on July 5th, which happened to be my birthday. On that day, I was actually planning a trip. But I had a different date and a totally different destination in mind. And yet, here I am, flying to Italy.

The plans were made just three weeks ago. Rafael received an invitation that he just couldn't say "no" to, and in three weeks we reserved flights, hotels, and even tickets to some major sights, like the Necropolis to visit St. Peter's tomb under the Vatican, something that usually needs to be done months in advance.

Those of you that know me well, know that I'm slightly OCD or just plain anal. I plan things way in advance and to the last minimal detail. Today, I was actually looking over my notes of the last time we came to Italy, and I had to laugh because every day was perfectly planned. I had a written itinerary per day of all the sights we were going to visit by the hour. I could have competed with Rick Steves and I would have won the prize for the perfect walking tour. This time, on the other hand, I just managed to put together the towns that we would like to visit and tentative dates for those. I booked hotels that I can cancel within a 24-hour notice and just this week, I was still making changes.

It's nerve wracking for someone like me to travel in this fashion. But in the past three years, during my dad's illness, I've learned that it's better not to plan too far in advance or your plans may need to be cancelled. I've learned to trust God more than to trust myself. I've learned that if He wants it to happen, it will happen, but if He doesn't, it ain't going to happen. I had to cancel a perfect trip to the Scandinavian Countries three years ago, a trip I had planned months in advance, "Christy style," with every hour of the day filled to capacity. But that cancellation led to an unexpected trip to Spain which just like this one, was planned within a month and it turned out to be just perfect.

I can't help but think of the apostles, who traveled the whole world spreading the Gospel, and they "carried no purse, no bag, no sandals." They didn't have reservations in advance. They depended on strangers to give them lodging for the evening. But they trusted God completely, and they knew that He was leading the way. My faith is not as big as that of the apostles. I did make hotel reservations in advance. I may need to change them but the idea of arriving at a city not knowing where I'm going to spend the night, it's more than I can handle. Maybe one day, I'll be that brave. But I'm definitely not there yet. But I'm making progress. At least this time, I don't have a minute to minute itinerary. I will let God lead the way and I'm excited to see where He will take us. I will trust that He is a better travel guide than me, and even better than Rick Steves for that matter (even though I will confess that I brought his travel guides with me). But I will try my hardest to let go and let God.

Usually when I travel, I like to keep a journal of our adventures and to record the places we visit for future reference. This time, I've decided to keep the journal on my blog. Since most likely we won't be spending too much time at the hotels, my writing time will be limited so I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar errors. I won't have much time for editing, since by the end of the day I will be tired and ready to fall sleep. But I will try to write as much as possible, just like I always used to do on my hand-written journals. This time, I'll just be sharing it with all of you instead of keeping it to myself.

I will be praying for all of you and your families. I ask in return that you keep Rafael and myself in your prayers for a safe trip, and for my family back home to be protected while we are gone. In less than one hour we will be landing in Rome. And I'm still pinching myself because I still think I'm dreaming.

Ciao e benedizioni.

In-Laws: The Syrup in the Marriage

"Honor your father-in-law and your mother-in-law, since from now on they are as much your parents as those who gave you birth." Tobit 10:12

When we marry our Prince Charming (or princess in case there are any males following my blog), we inherit the King, the Queen and the whole court. This is true in every society but especially with Hispanics. We all have a version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" within our families. I tell my kids that before they fall head over heels in love, to make sure that they can also fall in love with his or her family because if they end up at the altar, they will be marrying the whole family. The in-laws can be like syrup. A little syrup enhances the flavor but too much can be nauseating.

We have all grown up hearing jokes about the in-laws, especially "la suegra" (the mother-in-law). And this is nothing new, it probably goes back to the end of time. I grew up in Cuba in the 60s, and I remember a TV program on Thursday nights called "Casos y Cosas de Casa" (Happenings and Occurrences at Home). I was little so I don't remember all the details but I do remember there was a mother-in-law named Tecla and there was something always going on with her. Then I moved to Spain and one of the most popular TV programs in the 70s was "Embrujada" (Bewitched), and once again, there was the mother-in-law always sticking her nose where she shouldn't. And when I moved to the US in 1974, my favorite program was "Que Pasa USA" and once again, one of the funniest characters was Adela, the grandmother and "suegra" to Pepe Peña who always managed to get on his nerves.

Therefore, it is inevitable that we all carry an inner fear of our future mother-in-law. Women fear the battle for their husband's attention and men fear the meddling of their wife's mother in their life. As an only daughter, I think it was especially hard for me to cut the umbilical cord both from my mom and my grandma. I was only 21 years old when I got married and I admit it, I was pretty spoiled. If it was up to me, I would have allowed both my mom and my grandma to interfere in my marriage more than my hubby would have liked. My parents owned two houses in a duplex lot. They lived in one and rented the other one. They offered us the smaller house so we could save money to eventually buy our own. I would have happily taken them up on their offer but we had just attended a weekend retreat called "Camino" to prepare us for marriage, and one of the things we heard over and over was that it was best to live alone and far away from the in-laws, especially at the beginning of the marriage. So we took their advice and rented an apartment instead. Later on, when we started looking for a house to buy, Rafael's aunt who owned the house where my mother-in-law lived, offered to sell us the house. It was the same set-up that my parents had, two houses in a duplex lot. My mother-in-law was very excited with the idea. She said that she would move to the smaller house on the back and we could live in the bigger house that she was occupying at the time. But once again, we remembered the advice we had gotten two years earlier at "Camino" and we decided to buy a new home about ten miles away from both of our families. Whether that was a good decision or not, we will never know. But when some close friends that got married just three weeks after us got divorced just two years into their marriage, we felt we had done the right thing. They began their married life living with her mother and the struggles between mother-in-law and son-in-law played a huge part in their divorce.

I learned to be a wife and mother with just a little bit of meddling from my mom and grandma, and I never had to fight my mother-in-law for my husband's attention. He paid plenty of attention to both of us and neither one of us was jealous of the other. My mother-in-law managed to find the right amount of syrup to pour in our marriage without becoming sickly sweet. She was available when we needed her but she never pushed her presence upon us. And the best part was that whenever there was a conflict, she sided with me. I think that was the secret to us getting along so great. She knew that the one she needed to win over was me, her son would always love her. I will definitely use her as the guideline to follow when my turn comes to become a mother-in-law. Hopefully, just like her, I can find the perfect recipe to become the right amount of syrup in my kids' marriage.

Time in a Capsule

Is it me or does time just seems to fly faster and faster? The older I get, the faster it seems to fly. And yet, a year still has 365 days (or 1 more on leap years) and each day still has 24 hours. But when I was much younger, I remember that from Christmas to Christmas, it seemed to take forever, and now, every year, when it's time to take out the Christmas ornaments, I feel like I just finished putting them away. I read somewhere that when we are kids, we feel like we have our entire lives ahead of us so time just seems eternal. But as we get older, we begin to realize that our time left may be less than our time lived, and thus time just seems to fly away. And here we are, with half of 2016 already gone.

I began the year inspired to write about relationships. It has been a very difficult topic for me and thus, I've only written 14 meditations in six months, which would be fine except when I look back at 2015 and realize that last year, I wrote a total of 109 meditations. This year has been tough in more ways than one: I lost my dad, I had some family issues and some health issues. My level of anxiety peaked around March and it affected every aspect of my life, including my writing. Writing for me is usually therapeutic but this year, it became a burden more than a relief, so I've been putting it off.

I've been reflecting these past two weeks on whether to continue on the topic of relationships or change course altogether. But the more I think about it, the more I feel I need to keep on trotting without altering direction. Yes, it's difficult to write about relationships because they can be so complicated, but we are all in the same boat. Some of us are having issues with spouses, kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, co-workers... So it's good and necessary to vent. What has made it harder for me to write about this topic is that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I have to be very careful how I express what I feel. But at the same time, I have to be honest. So I need to find the fine line between sugar coating the truth but not distorting it. And I have realized that is not an easy task.

But I'll continue on this path while praying that I can do it lovingly but truthfully. I have already talked about relationships with our parents, grandparents, siblings, extended families and spouses. I would like to dedicate the second half of this year to in-laws, children, grandchildren (which I don't have any so I will have to rely on those that are already enjoying this stage of their lives), friends, co-workers, enemies... And wherever else the spirit moves me.

I'm not going to put myself any pressure because whenever I do this I end up doing less than planned. All I can say is that I hope to write more meditations in the second half of this year than I did in the first. God help me. And maybe I can discover how to put time in a capsule so it lasts a little longer.

Tributo a mi Papá

Primeramente quiero darle las gracias a todos, de parte de mi mamá, de mi esposo, mis hijos y de parte mía por estar presente en este día con nosotros. La cantidad de personas que fueron anoche a la funeraria, que han llamado, y que nos han enviado mensajes es un testamento al hombre que fue mi papá. Los que lo conocían bien, saben que él era un hombre de un gran corazón. Era amable, bondadoso y honrado. Él amaba sin límites y era un hombre de grandes valores y convicciones. Cuando nos fuimos de Cuba, él decidió que hasta que Cuba fuese libre él no iba a comer carne los viernes en sacrificio por los cubanos que quedaron atrás. Jamás volvió a comer carne los viernes y desafortunadamente se marchó sin ver su sueño de una Cuba libre hecho realidad. Mi papá era un hombre de una paciencia infinita. Tenía tanta paciencia que los que no hemos sido dotados de esa virtud, perdíamos la paciencia con él. Recuerdo cuando yo era jovencita, si yo tenía una fiesta por ejemplo a las 8, yo le decía que la fiesta era a las 7 para poder llegar a tiempo. Cuando salíamos de la casa, chequeaba todas las puertas 2 y 3 veces. Al parquear, le daba dos vueltas al carro para asegurarse que todas las puertas y ventanas estaban bien cerradas. Mi mamá le decía que si un ladrón andaba cerca se iba a pensar que tenía un tesoro dentro del carro y con más razón iba a forzar la puerta. Pero así era mi papá, no se inmutaba por nada. Y en este mundo que todos siempre estamos corriendo, podemos aprender mucho de él. El mundo podía ir de prisa, pero mi papá iba a su paso sin que nadie ni nada le agitase.

Mi papá no tenía vicios. No fumaba, no tomaba alcohol, no jugaba... El único vicio que yo le conocí fue mi mamá. Mi mamá era el centro de su universo. Simplemente, la adoraba. En estos días he oído muchos testimonios sobre ese amor. Uno de ellos me lo dio Magaly, una de las compañeras de playa de mi mamá que me contaba sobre un crucero que habían ido juntos, todas las ¨muchachitas¨ de la playa (como él se refería a ellas) y mi papá. El solo acompañado de nueve damas. En ese crucero, mi mamá se sentó en el casino a jugarse unas monedas y él se sentó al lado de ella a cuidarla. Y no me extraña pues él la cuidaba como si fuera una piedra preciosa, pues para él, ella lo era. Estos últimos tres años fueron muy duros para él. Ya perdí la cuenta de cuantas veces estuvo en el hospital. Hace tres años estuvo a punto de perder una pierna, y cuando se lo dijimos lo primero que dijo fue ¨lo siento por tu mamá.¨ El pensaba en ella antes de pensar en él mismo. Su gran preocupación era no convertirse en una carga para mi mamá. En una de las muchas intervenciones quirúrgicas que tuvo, cuando despertó de la anestesia, medio confundido, empezó a mirar sus alrededores con la vista y cuando vio a mi mamá, su cara se iluminó con una gran sonrisa. Ella le preguntó, por qué estás tan sonriente, y él le contestó, porque tenía miedo de que tal vez no iba a volver a verte. El lucho con todas sus fuerzas contra el Cancer que le diagnosticaron hace dos años, contra la diabetis que lo iba consumiendo poco a poco y contra todos los achaques que le fueron cayendo uno tras otro. Mi esposo Rafael decía que mi papá tenía más vidas que un gato pues en varias ocasiones pensamos que se nos iba, pero yo estoy convencida que la razón de su existencia era lo que lo mantenía en pie, pues el mayor miedo de él era dejar sola a mi mamá. Pero papi, no te preocupes. Mami nos tiene a nosotros y mucha gente que la quiere, así que sola nunca va a estar. Aparte, no me queda la menor duda de que él la va a seguir cuidando desde el cielo.

Mi papá aparte de ser un gran esposo fue un padre excepcional. Era súper estricto pero encontró el balance perfecto entre la disciplina y el amor. Jamás me puso una mano encima y nunca me gritó, pero cuando me castigaba, el castigo no me lo quitaba nadie. Si me castigaba por una semana, no importaba si me invitaban al evento del año. Me podía llegar una invitación para el cumpleaños de las princesas de España, y no hubiese podido ir. El era firme en su palabra y no había quien lo convenciera de que me cortase el castigo antes de tiempo. Pero yo hoy soy lo que soy gracias a esta mezcla de amor y disciplina. Aunque era estricto, nunca dudé de su amor hacia mí. Yo sé que él me adoraba y estaba súper orgulloso de mi. Y muchas personas me lo han dicho en estos días. Recuerdo una noche que yo no podía dormir pues tenía un examen muy difícil de Contabilidad la mañana siguiente. Alrededor de las 2 de la mañana me levanté y fui a la cocina a tomar agua. Cuando vi la hora, rompí a llorar pues pensé que si no lograba descansar, iba a suspender el examen. Regresé a mi cuarto y me volví a acostar. Él debió haberme oído pues vino a mi cuarto y me preguntó qué me pasaba. Yo le dije que iba a suspender el examen. Él me tomó la mano y aunque no recuerdo sus palabras exactas, lo que me dijo me llenó de paz, me quedé dormida y cogí una A en el examen. Él me enseñó a dar lo mejor de mí misma, a poner el máximo esfuerzo en mis estudios y en todas mis cosas, a amar al prójimo por encima de a mí misma y marcó el patrón a seguir para yo saber cómo educar a mis hijos, esos tres nietos que él adoraba. Ellos son la prueba de que su sacrificio no fue en vano. El dejar patria y familia sin saber lo que nos esperaba al otro lado del mar, y después volver a cruzar mar para comenzar de nuevo en los Estados Unidos, valió la pena. Tuvo la recompensa de ver a dos nietos graduarse de Belén, el mismo colegio en que él estudió en Cuba. Pudo ir a la graduación de la universidad de los dos mayores y que orgullo sintió de verlos recibir sus diplomas. Y aunque no va a poder estar presente en la graduación del más pequeño, sé que lo estará en espíritu. 

Él era un hombre muy familiar que le encantaba reunirse con la familia. Siempre me decía que yo había escogido un gran esposo pues quería mucho a Rafael y sé que Rafael lo quería y lo admiraba a él. Ayer fuimos todos a almorzar con mi mamá y después Rafael me dijo, como extrañé a tu papá en el almuerzo. Pero yo sé que él estaba allí presente en espíritu y sé que él seguirá viviendo en el corazón de todos los que le conocieron pues él se daba a querer. Siempre fue un gran amigo, un gran esposo, un gran abuelo, un gran suegro, un gran padre y un hombre de mucha fe y grandes valores. Te quiero papi y sé que te voy a extrañar todos los días, pero sé que ya estás en el cielo donde hay una gran celebración por tu llegada. Y no te preocupes por mami, que la cuidaremos con el mismo amor que tú la cuidabas. Y sé que nos estarás esperando en el cielo y un día volveremos a bailar juntos entre las nubes.

I Choose You

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

My very first favorite movie was "Sleeping Beauty." I watched it for the first time in a Cuban theater, which was a rare treat in 1960s Cuba. I absolutely felt in love with Aurora, the three fairy godmothers and most importantly, the prince that came to rescue the sleeping princess. I have been a romantic at heart since I was a little girl. Even to this day, I'm a sucker for Hallmark movies, and I can spend hours reading romantic novels.

The first time that I thought I was in love, I was just eleven-years-old. I loved him with all the passion of my pre-teen heart. I thought it was very serious, until I met a cuter boy at 12. And then, I kept a very long log of all the boys that I liked, an average of one every three months. When I turned 16, I had my first serious crush which lasted about two years. It ended with a broken heart, but it opened the door for someone much better.

I met my husband when I was 18. At the time, I was still pining for my lost love so I didn't pay much attention to him. We became good friends before Cupid hit us with his arrow. By this time, I had decided that I was wasting my time waiting for my ex-boyfriend to return. And I made the conscious decision that my next love was going to be my choice. I set the bar high: tall and good looking was first on my list; he had to have an education or be in the process of getting one; he had to be Catholic and preferably practicing; a large family was a plus, since mine was so small; he had to be outgoing, a good dancer and smart. He also had to be a gentleman, generous, honest, thoughtful, sensitive and a good friend. And with this list, I set out to find the perfect potential husband, not realizing that he was right in front of my nose.

My eyes were opened during a Valentine's dance we attended in 1981. I was talking to some friends when I heard, "there's Fifo." I turned around and for the first time I saw him on a whole different light. I had gotten used to seeing him with glasses but that night, for the first time, he was wearing contacts. I thought to myself, "he's pretty handsome." I guess he noticed me too beyond the friendship because a few days later he asked me out on a date. In May, I asked him to my prom and the rest is history. We married three years later and this month we are celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary.


I have been thinking a lot about our wedding lately, probably because we have attended three weddings in the last month. I always feel that weddings are magical. There’s such joy, excitement, and anticipation with weddings. The brides are beautiful, and the grooms are nervous and excited. It’s a gathering of family and friends for a celebration of love and life. I always tear up at weddings; I simply can’t help it. That is why I just can't wear mascara.

When we got married we had a pretty tight budget. One of my biggest regrets is not splurging on a video. Now we have to rely on our memories and the pictures to remember our big day. But it's engraved in my mind like a movie playing over and over again. It was truly a celebration of love, friendship and life. All our friends and family were there, a whooping 300 guests. The invitation was only for the church ceremony. It didn't mention a reception because we simply couldn't afford it. In the end, we decided to offer hors d'oeuvres after the ceremony. So when the mass ended, the guests were invited to proceed to the parish hall. At the time, I was working at a travel agency and the owner gave us some cases of wine as a gift. I'm not sure how the wine multiplied to satisfy all the guests. It was either a repeat of the miracle at Cana or the fact that the wine tasted like mouthwash so after trying it, nobody went for seconds. But in spite of our very tight budget, our pictures are testimony of the joy we felt that day and of how much fun we had celebrating with the people that we loved the most. There was little food but a lot of partying and dancing. And I thank God every day that we are still walking together on this journey called marriage.

I could say that I married my soul mate but I don't believe that there is a soul mate out there for everyone. I believe that finding the right mate is a conscious choice that each person has to make. We can choose to believe in Disney fairy tales all our lives or we can choose to find the person that compliments us the best. Rafael doesn't meet every quality that I wrote on my list but he has the qualities that truly matter: he is honest, sensitive, generous and a gentleman (once in a while). And I definitely married my best friend. He is the first person I call when I have to share good news or bad news. He is the one that holds my hand when I'm sad and hugs me when I cry.

Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. Marriage is a 100/100 compromise. Each person has to give 100% or it will fail. It took us a while to realize that. Until we did, our marriage was pretty rocky because it was a competition. We always felt that we were giving more than the other one. And it became a struggle in our home. "You are not doing enough..." was a daily litany. When we finally realized that our marriage was an equal partnership and that we each had to give it our all, we began to live in harmony. And even in this harmony, once in a while we are out of tune with each other. We've had our share of issues and plenty of fights. But when we said our vows on June 29, 1984, we meant them for life. We knew that we were entering into a sacrament with God and with each other. So it will take a lot more than a discordant note in our path to break us apart.

So even though I still enjoy watching Disney and Hallmark movies, I know deep inside that love is more than a fairy tale. Every day, I choose to love my husband with all his qualities and flaws. I chose him 32 years ago and if I had to do it all over again, I would choose him again.

"I choose you to love and to hold today and forever." Music & Lyrics by Dante Bantatua

Extended Families: The Frosting on the Cake

This past weekend we attended a wedding. I absolutely love weddings: the gathering of friends and family to celebrate such a joyful occasion. Both the bride and the groom have large families with nine aunts and uncles, and plenty of cousins to fill the entire ballroom. I managed to dance shoulder to shoulder for a while, but after someone almost opened a hole on my foot with a very sharp and skinny heel, I just had to sit down for a while. It was nice to witness the camaraderie between cousins, between grandparents and grandkids, between the parents and their siblings... Everyone was dancing together and just having the best time in the world. It was a big fat Cuban wedding and I loved every minute of it. It was sweeter than the cake itself because after all, extended families are the true frosting on the cake.

As an only child and grandchild, I did not enjoy a house full of siblings or first cousins. But what my parents and I lacked, my grandparents made up with dividends. Each of my four grandparents had plenty of siblings spread out through three different continents. And even though distance and circumstances prevented us from getting together as often as we would have liked, when we got together, it was as if we had seen each other the day before.

One of my abuelo Venancio's brothers lived in Camaguey, a province in Cuba about 300 miles from Havana. It was quite a distance in those days, especially in communist Cuba where moving around was not that simple. I only remember seeing them once in the seven years that I lived there. But this encounter is quite clear in my mind. I was returning from the park with my mom and we heard a lot of noise coming from our house. Our familia from Camaguey had shown up unannounced for a visit. Families do not need an invitation. Even if you have not seen each other in years, you just show up and you are welcome. Three little girls about my age were running from one end of the house to the other. Our home in Havana was long with a set of rooms connected by an outside balcony. The adults were in the living room talking and drinking coffee with my grandparents. I connected with these three little girls as if I had known them all my life. Two of them I only saw that one day. One passed away a few years ago from cancer and the other one still lives in Camaguey. But the third one, my cousin Belkys, won the "lottery" and was able to leave Cuba with her husband and two sons. Over the past fifteen years we have spent many holidays and celebrations together. And since then, Belkys' parents, brother and nephew have made their way to Miami. My extended family in Miami keeps growing by leaps and bounds.

In Spain, my extended family was even larger. I had five great-aunts and uncles on my maternal grandparents side that lived there. I stayed with one of these aunts for eight months after I arrived. It could have been awkward but it wasn't. After all, I had never met them. But she welcomed me into her home and into her heart as if she had always known me. My Tia Maruja reminded me so much of my grandmother that she was a welcome respite in my life. And she spoiled me the same way that my abuela used to spoil me. As sisters, they were cut out from the same fabric. My Tia Maruja and tio Andres had two daughters and a son. They were all in their twenties, just like my mom. And here comes this 7-year-old girl into their house and I became the center of their attention. I realize now how blessed I was. I have friends that do not have happy memories from living with aunts and uncles. Some of them have true horror stories, but that's a topic for another day. It could have turned out bad for me but it didn't. They were truly wonderful to me. My aunt and uncle have since passed away, but my three cousins are still around, all in their 70s with children and grandchildren of their own. I had the opportunity to visit them about 20 years ago with my husband and three children. It was wonderful. I'm long overdue for another visit.

Our extended families are the sweetest frosting on our cake. They provide the finishing touch to our core. Without them, our cake may taste good but something is definitely missing. They bring out the best and the worst in us. Just like frosting, they can be messy but sweet at the same time. Our celebrations would be dull and boring without them. We need the frosting to bring in the color, the flavors and the mess into our lives.

I'm so glad wedding season has just started. I have two more weddings in the next three weeks. I can't wait to witness another sweet and messy frosting of family and friends.