25 Steps with Mary: From Nazareth to Bethlehem-Day 2

“Your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:36-37

I woke up today thinking of Joseph. My dear Joseph. When he was chosen to be my husband, he was living in Jerusalem. He is a native of Nazareth, and one of the descendants of the royal race of David. He is thirty-three years of age. He is known by all in Nazareth for the utmost purity of his life, holy and irreprehensible in the eyes of God and of men.

He returned to Nazareth for the betrothal. The first time that I saw him, I was by the river. I found him to be very handsome and modest. He had not seen me yet because he was wetting a piece of wood in the waters of the river. His eyes and hair are brown, the color of nutmeg. His nose is very Jewish and he wears a thick beard. He is very timid. He must have felt my eyes on him because he suddenly turned around and his face turned the color of a ripe tomato. He smiled shyly and called out to me: “Shalom, Mary!” He then sat on top of a rock, slipped, and felt unto the river. I had to hold back a laugh because I could tell that he was very embarrassed.

I had just turned fourteen when the espousal took place. I wished my Father Joachim had been with me by my side, but he was called by God when I was still very young. It’s been six months since our engagement, but I still clearly remember the first words that Joseph said to me immediately after our betrothal took place: “My dear Mary. I give thanks to the Lord Most High for the favor of having designed me as your husband. I find myself without merits, and I judge myself unworthy to be in your company; but our God, who can raise up the lowly whenever He wishes, showed His mercy to this unworthy servant. I desire and hope, relying on your discretion and virtue, that you will help me to show Him my gratitude in serving Him with an upright heart. Hold me, therefore, as your servant, and by the true love which I feel for you, I beg of you to be patient with my deficiencies in the fulfillment of the domestic duties and of other things, which as a worthy husband, I should know how to perform; tell me, my dear spouse, what is your pleasure, in order that I may fulfill it.”

I was taken aback when I heard these words, but with a humble heart, I answered him: “My master and dear spouse, I am fortunate, that the Most High has chosen you to be my husband. He has given me such evident manifestation of His Will, that I am to serve you.”

I have engraved in my heart how the grass smiled at that moment, and how the sun exploded in happiness at such humble manifestation of our commitment to each other. Joseph looked into my eyes, and my soul was united to his. It was just a second, but I knew in that instant that I loved him. His hands found mine, and I knew that God had chosen for me the most humble and caring man that He could find in the entire earth. And thus my heart accepted him as my spouse.

In Jerusalem, Joseph had learnt the trade of carpentering as being a respectable and proper way of earning the sustenance in life. He was poor in earthly possessions, but he would continue to exercise his trade in Nazareth in order to be able to maintain us.

I cannot stop thinking how disappointed he will be when he finds out that I am expecting a child when we are yet to live together. It is our Jewish custom for a betrothal to last a few months before the actual marriage takes place. In Israel, a marriage is more like a business between two families. If the two families are affluent, they would exchange jewelry, money, houses, and even slaves. The transaction between our families was more modest because we are very poor.

Once the arrangements were made, I went with my aunt and uncle to Joseph’s house. He placed a coin in my hand with a smile on his lips, and he said these words: “With this coin, you are now my betrothed.” Then, Joseph’s father blessed us in front of various witnesses, and he said: “You are now Joseph’s spouse.” From that moment on, the real wedding preparations began. This gives us an opportunity for us to get to know each other better before actually living together. And now, I will need to tell Joseph that I am with child. How can I explain to him that even though I am expecting, I am still a Virgin? Joseph is a good man, but this will be very difficult for him to accept. Will he break up our betrothal and repudiate me in front of everyone?

I have to stop thinking of all these negative scenarios before they actually take place. And right then and there, I knew what I had to do. I remembered the angel’s last words to me: “Your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God.”

I must go to Elizabeth. Even though she is old enough to be my mother, we are very close. I will stay with her to help her in the last stage of her pregnancy and to assist with the delivery. Those three months will help me to pray, meditate and choose the proper way to give the news to Joseph.

It is now midnight, and I prostrate myself in the presence of the Most High, to commence my accustomed daily prayers and holy exercises. I pray to my Lord that I may be guided in all my actions to become the Mother of God. And I pray that He enlightens me when the time comes for me to unveil my secret to Joseph.

Tomorrow will be a new day, and the Lord will guide my steps.

Reflection:

What do I do when the Lord changes my plans? Do I get upset at the Lord or do I allow Him to guide my steps through the new plan? Do I pray for discernment? I must trust that God knows exactly what I need and He will lead the way.

Copyright © 2019 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Resources from the following books are being used on this journey:
1. The Mystical City of God: A Popular Abridgement of the Divine History and Live of the Virgin Mother of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda
2. The World’s First Love: Mary, Mother of God by Fulton J. Sheen
3. Las Palabras Calladas: Diario de Maria de Nazaret by Pedro Miguel Lamet
 
All Bible references are from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise specified.

25 Steps with Mary: From Nazareth to Bethlehem-Day 1

“Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God.” Luke 1:28

Today should have been a regular day. It was anything but.

I woke up earlier than usual because I wanted to start baking the bread before sunrise. The first thing I did, just like every other morning, was to read a passage from the Torah and recite my prayers to God. Afterwards, I went quietly into the kitchen, and began the process of preparing the dough using flour, water, yeast, salt, and a tiny bit of honey. I kneaded the dough, and then divided it into small balls. Every time I do this, it reminds me of my mother, Anna. Oh, how I miss her. It’s been two years since she went to heaven, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.

While the dough was rising, I went outside to the tannur (1) to lit a fire using straw and pine cones. Spring is already in the air. Even though it was still a cool morning, the harshness of winter is behind us. I can already see the trees with flowers, which will soon bear fruit. I spotted a couple of butterflies. They always make me so happy.

Once the tannur was hot enough, I flattened the balls of dough into small loaves, and I slapped them onto the inside walls of the tannur. The loaves only needed a few minutes to bake so I stayed outside watching them. Once the bread was ready, I removed the loaves carefully from the oven, and I went back inside. When my blessed parents passed away, I inherited their modest possessions and our humble cottage in Nazareth. My aunt and uncle look after me until I move into Joseph’s house, my betrothed.

I put the bread aside, and I sat by the window to rest for a few minutes. I must have dozed off, and was woken up by a bright light. When I opened my eyes, a very large figure was standing before me. His appearance was that of a most handsome youth of rarest beauty; his face emitted resplendent rays of light, and it was so brilliant, that I had to cover my eyes because he was blinding me. He wore a diadem of exquisite splendor and his vestments glowed in various colors full of refulgent beauty.

I thought that I was dreaming, but then I heard his voice. “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.” I was very perplexed at this statement, and I kept pondering what kind of salutation this was. All of a sudden, I realized that I was in the presence of an angel. He said to me, “Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end.” I said to the angel, “How can this be, since I am a virgin?” The angel answered and said to me, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy Child shall be called the Son of God. And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God.” I heard myself say, “Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from me. (2)

The rest of the day is a blur. I could not wait to be done with my chores so I could go to my room to ponder what the angel’s visit could possibly mean.

I am now in my room, writing on my journal, and I am still at a loss. I guess I could have answered “no.” I was not forced to accept what the angel was telling me. I was free to choose. Just like Adam and Eve, my first parents, chose to reject God, I could have done the same. But somehow, I know, that God has been preparing me for this moment since my birth. How could I say “no?” How could I deny my God anything that He asks of me? I touch my stomach and even though I don’t feel anything, I know that I am with child. The Word of God has been conceived in me. Divine Life beats within me.

What am I going to do, Lord? How am I going to explain this to Joseph? How is he going to believe me?

I trust You, Lord. If You have chosen me for this mission, You will guide me through the steps that I must take. Nothing is impossible for You, Lord. I am your bondslave, Lord. May your will be done to me.

I have abandoned myself completely to God’s will, and I feel a freedom that I have never felt before.

Reflection:

What is God asking of me during this Advent? Is He asking me to get out of my comfort zone? Will I let Him guide me? Will I trust Him? Nothing is impossible if I trust God and I abandon myself completely to do His will.

Copyright © 2019 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

References:

1. Tannur-a beehive-shaped clay oven, usually used to bake bread (Exodus 8:3; Leviticus 2:4, 7:9; 11:35; 26:26; Hosea 7:4, 6–7).
2. Luke 1:28-38

25 Steps with Mary: from Nazareth to Bethlehem

Dear friends:

Last week, my friend Lourdes told me that she had not been receiving my blogs. She was afraid that she had been dropped from the mailing list. She wasn’t. The truth is that I have not written a single word in almost four months. I have not touched my personal journal nor my blog. I could call it writer’s block but the reality is that I have not felt the stirrings to write anything. I guess I have been experiencing a period of desolation, and my well has run dry.

I think it’s time to hit the restart button, add water to the well, and resume my spiritual journey through my blog. Ever since I went to the Holy Land last year, I have been thinking a lot about Mama Mary’s journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem with a side trip first to Ein Karem. I have been trying to see the Annunciation, the Visitation and the Nativity from her point of view. And even though I could never come close to feeling what Mary felt during those nine months, and I could never walk in her shoes, I have been attempting to walk beside her so I could catch just a passing glimpse of what her experience must have been like.

So this Advent, I would like to invite you to take a walk with Mary. We will start on Sunday, December 1st in Nazareth, when the angel appeared to Mary, and announced that she would be the mother of the Son of God. We will walk with her to Ein Karem to visit her cousin Elizabeth. We will be with her when she tells Joseph that she’s with child. We will walk with her to Bethlehem where we will witness the Nativity through her eyes.

This Advent, you are invited to take a peek at Mary’s Journal: 25 Steps with Mary, from Nazareth to Bethlehem. If you would like to receive the meditations by email, sign up directly on the blog’s web version (it doesn’t work on the phone view). Input your email address where it says “Receive New Posts by Email.” This will then take you to a form where you have to mark that you are not a robot, and hit “complete subscription request.” You will then receive an email from “Feedburner Email Subscriptions.” If you don’t receive it, look in your junk folder. You must follow the link in order to activate the email subscription. Once you see the message: “Email Subscription Confirmed,” you are signed up and you should start receiving the meditations on December 1st.

I wish it to be understood, that all I will write on this journey is a product of my imagination, inspired by the Holy Spirit, and with the help of the references that I mention below. My words are limited and my mind is too small to be able to fully comprehend what Mary experienced from Annunciation to Nativity. I am filled with dread because my thoughts and my words will never be enough to be able to reveal the mystery of the Incarnation. But I place myself in God’s hands “for nothing will be impossible with God” Luke 1:38.

May I be a pencil in His hands, and may He use me to reveal a small fragment of the mystery that took place over 2,000 years ago.

References for this Journey:

1. New American Standard Bible (NASB)
2. The Mystical City of God: A Popular Abridgement of the Divine History and Live of the Virgin 

3. Mother of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda
4. The World’s First Love: Mary, Mother of God by Fulton J. Sheen
5. Las Palabras Calladas: Diario de Maria de Nazaret by Pedro Miguel Lamet

Getting Rid of Nothingness

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” Matthew 6:19-21

As I sit in my old house, waiting for the Salvation Army truck to come and pick up the remaining of our belongings, I cannot help but reminisce about the past.

The house is mostly empty, it doesn’t feel like a home anymore. I just took a walk through the empty bedrooms, the kitchen, the dining room, the family room and now I am sitting in the living room which is the only place that still has a little bit of furniture left.

Over the past ten months, I have gotten rid of most of the emotional treasures that we accumulated over the past 35 years. I call them “emotional” because I get emotionally attached to things. My collection of Lladró figurines was passed down from my grandmother to my mother to me. I tried to pass them on to my daughter but the new generation is a whole lot more practical than we were. If it doesn’t fit inside their phone, they don’t want it. I’m trying to learn from them, with the help of Marie Kondo, to say good-bye to my treasures. However, I simply couldn’t part with all my Lladro’s. I kept the Virgin Mary that my grandmother had in her room, and three others simply because I liked them. I also gave the wedding couple that we got as a wedding gift 35 years ago to my son Rafi and his wife, Emily. When they got married eight months ago, I gave it to them and told them it was a heirloom. I figured we could start a tradition where they in turn can pass it on to their first child that gets married... That’s if they keep it that long.

It is difficult to let go of all these things because each one holds a special memory in my heart, but I keep reminding myself they are just things. Now I understand why the rich young man in the Bible grieved when Jesus asked him to sell all his possessions. “‘If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’ When the young man heard this word, he went away grieving, for he had many possessions.” Matthew 19:21-22. It is very difficult to get rid of our possessions because we become attached to them.

However, “no matter how good, beautiful, true, or exciting a thing or state of affairs is here below, it is destined to pass into nonbeing,” Bishop Robert Barron. “St. Augustine once said that since every creature is made ex nihilo, it carries with it the heritage of nonbeing. There is a kind of penumbra or shadow of nothingness that haunts every finite thing.” I remember once, my cleaning lady broke one of my Lladro’s. It disintegrated into a zillion little pieces. She felt worst than I did. I told her not to worry, that it was just a “thing.”

I keep reminding myself of that. They are just things, they don’t mean anything. I am getting rid of nothingness. At the end of the day, all these emotional treasures are just things. Yes, they may evoke a good memory, like the small ceramic figurines that we brought from a trip to Spain, but even if I get rid of those figurines, the memory will remain in my heart. Easier said than done. In the end, I kept not just the four Lladros, I also kept a lot of the souvenirs that I have acquired in our trips around the world. I kept most of our paintings, and I kept the small ceramic figures. I just could not part from all these possessions that bring me so many great memories. I guess I still have a lot of learning to do in order to fully detach from all this nothingness.

Seeing things with indifference “is meant to redirect our attention precisely to the treasures of heaven, to the eternity of God. Once we see everything in light of God, we can learn to love the things of this world without clinging to them and without expecting too much of them. Think of how much disappointment and heartache could be avoided if we only learned this truth,” Bishop Robert Barron.

As I walk through my empty old home, I realize how true those words are. What made this house a home was not the things it contained, it was us. Now that we are no longer here, it’s not home anymore. We will make new memories and we will make a new home because home is where your heart is. Everything else, it’s nothingness.

Traversing through the Barren Desert

“They did Him homage and then returned to Jerusalem with great joy.” Luke 24:52

Lately, my spirituality has been very dry. I feel like if I’m walking through a barren desert. I began the

year, with every intention of finishing my book, but I have hardly touched it. Yes, I could blame it on the fact that I have been pretty overwhelmed with remodeling our new apartment, moving, and work, but the bottom line is that my holy inspiration has completely dried off.

Years ago, I read a book titled “When the Well Runs Dry” by Thomas H. Green. It is exactly how I feel. My spiritual well is dry. I am traversing through the barren desert of my inspiration. I have lost it. There is nothing in there. It has dried up.

But sometimes inspiration comes when I’m not even searching for it. I have been mostly fine with sitting back and not writing. I keep telling myself that I am so busy with other things that there is no time to write. At the end of a busy day, I am so exhausted that I just want to lay in bed with a good book, and don’t bother with trying to write. Today, however, inspiration came knocking during mass. We are spending the weekend in Hallandale Beach, so we went to mass at St. Matthew. The pastor, Father Robert Ayala, just returned from a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. He talked about it during mass. And being that today is the feast of the Ascension of our Lord to heaven, he tied the two experiences together.

As he was talking, I could not help but be transported to my Holy Land pilgrimage last year. When he mentioned their journey through the Via Dolorosa, I clearly saw myself carrying that cross through the streets of Jerusalem. I remember that as we were trying to meditate the Stations of the Cross, for many, it was just another regular day in Jerusalem. The locals were not paying any attention to us. They were going about their business of opening up their storefronts to sell to the tourists or they were buying groceries for their families or they were dressed in suits on their way to their jobs. Both Father Willie during our pilgrimage and Father Robert today in his homily, reminded me that it was the same when Jesus was carrying His cross on the way to His crucifixion. It was just another day in Jerusalem.

The day of the Ascension, though, was not just another day. In the first century, people were used to seeing crucifixions, but nobody had seen anyone ascend to heaven. This day, changed the apostles. They were witnesses to a miracle. And as today’s reading points out: “They did Him homage and then returned to Jerusalem with great joy.” Luke 24:52. Even though we were not physically present on that event during the first century, we are also witnesses like the apostles were. One of the sites that impressed me the most during my pilgrimage was precisely the footprint that Jesus left on earth right before He ascended into heaven. I remember that all of us were looking down at the footprint that was imprinted on the rock, and the thought that stroke me was that all of us had the job to be Jesus’ footprint on this earth. The apostles were the first witnesses and they returned to Jerusalem with great joy because they knew that one day, they would follow Jesus into heaven. But in the meantime, they did not stay in their homes sitting back and relaxing waiting for that moment. No, they became Jesus’ hands and feet on earth. They kept moving and they spread His message to all the corners of the world.

It was thanks to the apostles that we have heard about Jesus. If they had stayed inside their homes simply attending to their daily duties, we would not have the gospels today and we would not have received the message of love and hope. Yes, one day, we will also follow Jesus into heaven, but in the meantime, we cannot sit back, relax and do nothing. We are the descendants of the apostles. We are the new witnesses. It is our job to spread His Word on the 21st century just like it was the apostles’ job on the first century.

Therefore, it is time for me to get out of the barren desert, allow the rain of inspiration to refill my well and pick up where I left off. My fixer upper is finished, we have finally moved, and even though I still have a lot to do, that is no excuse to allow the arid bottom of the well to consume me. Next Sunday, we celebrate Pentecost, so I will lift this prayer to the Holy Spirit: “Come Holy Spirit and kindle in my mind the fire of holy inspiration. Allow my mind to be renewed by the fire of your love. Instruct my heart to be able to hear the fire of your Word. And give me the wisdom to spread your message to those that are open to receive it. Amen.”

Dumbfounded by the Smartness

After nine months, we finally moved into our fixer-upper this week. Since we had been in our previous home for 25 years, we decided it was time to join the 21st century, and thus we acquired some of the latest technology. But after spending our first night in our smart apartment, we realized that either the apartment is too smart or we are really dumb.

Our first splurge was on the smart toilet. In order to transition from a four-bedroom house into a two-bedroom apartment, there were some things that we had to give up because obviously, there was no room to accommodate everything. One of those items was the bidet. Rafael could not care less about the bidet, but I was not ready to part from it. Therefore, when we visited Ferguson last fall, we were sucker-punched into acquiring a smart toilet. The sales lady told us that we would love this toilet, and we dumbly believed her. As a great sales person, she told us that the smart toilet could pretty much do anything, including serve as a bidet. That was sufficient to convince me. However, she failed to tell us that learning to operate this fancy toilet would require a degree from Harvard School of Smart Toilets. I must confess that I don’t have such degree, and thus, I was very intimidated by Flushing Flora (FF). The first day, I kept using the regular toilet in the other bathroom. When I finally found the courage to approach FF, I could not get it to flush. Oh no... first test and I already got an F. I literally had to find a bucket to flush FF the old fashioned way. No matter how hard I pressed the manual button, FF refused to flush. It took me an hour to figure out that somehow our smart toilet that needs electricity in order to work, was not getting electricity. The outlet just wasn’t working. I checked the breaker, and it was on. Then I realized that none of the outlets in the master bathroom were working, so I called our general contractor. When Rafael got home, he also inspected everything, including the breaker, and we still could not get anything to work. Therefore, the electrician paid us a visit the next morning only to realize that instead of turning on the breaker, we had actually turned it off. Needless to say, we felt really dumb.

After three days in the apartment, I still have a love-hate relationship with FF. I have managed to learn most of its idiosyncrasies, but I can’t say that I love them all. The seat warms up when you sit down... this should be a great feature if you live in Alaska, but in my case, I’m a bit terrified that it will burn me. While I’m trying to concentrate on doing number two, it squirts some odor control crap that hopefully won’t give me the hives. Smart FF flushes by itself. However, this can be very annoying, especially when FF kept flushing itself every six seconds whether we used it or not, thus the reason why I baptized it FF. But we finally figured out how to program it so that now it only flushes itself when we use it... most of the time. And then, there’s the love portion of our relationship, the reason why I convinced Rafael to invest in FF in the first place... the bidet. I can set the spray strength, the width, the temperature and the direction. Heavens, I can practically take a bath in FF. I may just need to set myself a timer or I may end up spending too much time with FF.

There is one member in our household, though, that will never love FF. It took less than a day for Penny, my dog, to learn to hate FF. She was sniffing the new apartment, and when she approached FF, it scared her out of her wits sending her running out of the bathroom. The good news is that she will never bother me when I’m sitting on FF like she used to do in our old house. You see, FF is so sensitive that as soon as she senses movement near her, she opens up to welcome you. If I approach the sink to wash my hands or brush my teeth, FF opens up. She’s like an evil temptress trying to lure you in. And she has outsmarted me for sure, but not my Penny, she ran out and will never get near her again.

Our second splurge was the Nest thermostat. This time, it was my hubby the one that convinced me to invest on this very smart gadget that can learn your temperature habits and program itself without you needing to do it. However, as we soon learned, in order for the Nest to learn your habits, you first have to program it, and Dumb and Dumber missed the memo on when the Nest learning seminar would take place. Therefore, on our first night in the apartment, we froze to death. And that’s a lot to say for my hubby, who is never cold. I am always cold so you can imagine. I woke up at least ten times shivering during the night. The next morning, my hubby decided that this would never happen again. We are both “smart” after all, so it could not be that difficult to program the Nest. He grabbed his smart phone, he downloaded the Nest app, and he figured out how to control the temperature. After just five minutes, we started feeling too warm. I walked into the closet, and noticed that the air blowing out through the vents was very hot. Somehow, while programming the Nest, he switched it from air conditioning mode to heater mode. As much as we both tried to figure out how to switch it back, we simply failed miserably. And the worst part is that we just could not turn off the heater. When we began to sweat bullets, we turned off the breaker... yes, this time we made sure we had turned it in the right direction. We had to learn how to operate the Nest the old fashioned way... by reading the manual. And yes, the Nest can be programmed manually. There is no need to allow it to control our habits and thus make us feel really dumb.

And last but not least, we decided to really splurge and we got ourselves an smart bed. After all, we are getting old, we told each other, and sleep is very important when we are about to spend one third of our remaining life sleeping. We did a lot of research this time around, and we decided to invest, yes, because it is truly an investment, on the Sleep Number bed (SNB). We spent two hours at the store, laying down on one of their magnificent models. It was so comfortable that I almost felt asleep while I listened to Maria, the sales lady, explain to us all the wonderful qualities of this bed and how it would change our lives. She convinced us and we ordered the SNB. She gave us a booklet that explained that on the day of delivery, it would take the technicians two hours to put our bed together and give us a personalized demonstration on how to operate the bed. On delivery day, the guys put together the bed not in two hours, but in just 45 minutes. Great, I thought, we have 75 minutes for the lesson, and dumb me will need every one of those minutes. I was ready with pen and paper to take notes on everything they said. I told the delivery guys, I’m ready for my lesson. They looked at me, dumbfounded... “It’s not that difficult,” they said. My 75-minute lesson took just 5 minutes. All they showed me was how to operate the remote control. One button switches the control from head to foot, another one changes it from the left to the right side of the bed, and the third button controls the up and down movement. “Any questions?” It seemed simple enough, except for all the other buttons in the remote control that they did not teach me. As they were leaving, I remembered... “Wait, how about the nightlight?” Yes, the bed even comes with its own nightlight, a very important feature for me that needs to get up at least once in the middle of the night to pay a visit to FF. He showed me how to operate the nightlight, which I could not see on the daylight but he pointed it out, “see, it’s on,” and since I did not want to look any dumber than I already felt, I trusted him.

On our first night, we got into the smart bed, pushed all the buttons just as they taught me and it’s a miracle, everything works fine and it’s not so difficult. Finally we got a smart gadget made for dummies... or so we thought. I tried to turn on the nightlight... it didn’t work. And wait, how am I supposed to inflate and deflate the mattress? They didn’t teach me that very important feature. Then we remembered... there’s an app. So instead of going to sleep like we would have by this time on a regular mattress, here we are at 11 o’clock at night, figuring out how to work the stup..., sorry, the smart bed. We finally figured out how to inflate it and deflate it. In the store they had given us our numbers but we just couldn’t remember them, was it 40 or 60? We decided to try it out at 55 and see what happens. The nightlight... did not turn on. Oh well, we guessed it was better off than on. We went to sleep and woke up, at least ten times during the night... however, we were cold so we decided not to blame the SNB just yet. The app is supposed to show you how you slept. According to my app, I was only in bed for one hour and twenty minutes, and in that time, I only slept nine minutes. I guess my app is not so smart after all because I was definitely in bed for longer than that... but maybe it did get the nine minutes of sleep correct.

After just three days in our new apartment, I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and dumber than I have ever felt. Thank God, the Brandsmart salesman did not caboodled us into buying a smart refrigerator. We got a regular one and I am so happy for that decision. I think I can figure out if I need to buy milk without the fridge telling me. Right now, I’m at the Poconos for a wedding, and I am looking forward to spending a normal weekend away from FF, the Nest, and the SNB. Maybe here I can feel smart once again.

It’s Lent again... Oh No!!!

”Return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God.” Joel 2:12-13

Even though this year Lent began later than usual, it just creeped up on me. I must confess that I do not like Lent. Can you blame me? Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice...

I went to mass last night for Ash Wednesday. As I knelt on the pew, I felt totally unprepared for this Lenten journey. I have not gone to confession in a year. I usually try to go right before Advent and right before Lent. I missed Advent, and I did not go before Lent. Sometimes, I do a retreat, but not this year. I have also not signed up to do any special online Lenten preparations.

On Tuesday night, when I realized that Lent was upon me, I began to think about what to give up this Lent. Most years, I know way in advance what I’m going to give up. This year... I had no clue. Should I give up Facebook? No, I did that last year and I’m not addicted to Facebook anymore. Should I give up chocolate? I could, but it did not seem enough of a sacrifice. Should I give up Madeline’s? I am definitely addicted to them. My day starts with a cortadito and a Madeline. Should I give up desserts? That would definitely be a good thing to give up for my waistline. In the end, I decided to give up all sweets. Boy, I am surely going to miss my Madeline’s, my Dove chocolates and my desserts, because I do have a sweet tooth.

Even after deciding on my sacrifice, I still felt completely unprepared for this Lenten season. I arrived to church, and I had a hard time tuning out all the noise and distractions around me. It was the CCD mass, so half the church was packed with children who would not stop talking. I also sat next to a couple who clearly suffered from FOMO. Both of them were on their phones texting and surfing. Finally, I closed my eyes and prayed to Jesus to allow me to tune out the distractions so I could hear His message.

I figured I would hear His message in the homily. The priest compared the ashes to the seal you get on your passport when you travel. He said that Lent is a journey, and the ashes are the seal you receive to welcome you on the journey. It made a lot of sense, but I still missed Jesus’ message to me.

I went through the motions during the entire mass. I got my ashes, together with over a thousand people. What is it about the ashes that bring so many people to church? Even the FOMO couple sitting next to me was obviously there just for the ashes, since they left as soon as they received the ashes. I obviously did not hear Jesus’ message in the ashes since I was being critical of everything that was happening all around me.

And then, it came time to receive Communion. By this time, half the people had already left. I thought to myself, “They are missing the better part. They just don’t get it. They came for the ashes, and they don’t realize that Jesus is alive in the Eucharist.” I went up to receive the Body of Christ, and I noticed the hands of the Eucharistic minister. They were the hands of a humble, working man. His nails were filled with black sod and he had callused fingers. I thought to myself, “he’s probably a gardener who landscapes for a living.”

When I returned to my pew, I could not stop thinking about the Eucharistic minister. Here was a humble gardener handing out the Body of Christ. And I thought, that is what is all about. Jesus chose the most humble of men to spread His message. Who were the disciples? Twelve simple men, most of them fishermen, with dirty nails and callused hands. And here I was, two thousand years later, receiving the Body of Christ and His message from a simple man with dirty nails and callused hands. While I was in my pew casting judgment on the FOMO couple next to me, this humble man, who had probably worked all day, was here witnessing to Christ. By sharing the Eucharist with this sinful servant, He had opened my eyes to Jesus’ message to me.

It is Lent again... Oh Yes!!! I have 40 days to remember what Jesus did for me. I have 40 days to remember that He sacrificed His life for me. While He gave it all, all I’m giving up is sweets. And I’m complaining about it. Boy, do I need this Lent.

Jesus, help me to walk this Lenten journey with You. Help me to remember those that are carrying a heavy cross. Help me to realize that my little sacrifice can never measure up to the huge sacrifice You did for me. Help me to criticize less and praise more. Help me to open my heart so that You can resurrect within me. Help me to grow closer to You during the next 40 days. Help me to return to You with my whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning. Help me to rend my heart, not my garments. Help me to return to You, my LORD, my God.

I love You, Jesus!!!