The Marriage Journey

 Love is patient, love is kind.” 1 Cor 13:14

My dearest Chabeli and Daniel:

The day has finally arrived when you will be walking down the aisle to promise that you will love each other for the rest of your lives.

You began this journey when you met almost nine years ago. You first got to know each other, you dated and eventually, you moved in together. Two years ago, you decided to plant roots in Charlotte, and last year, you got engaged. 

Today, you begin the marriage journey. What words of wisdom can I share that you don’t know already? I decided to do a comparison with a few things the world tells you and what I have learned in the 39 years of my own marriage journey:

1. The world tells you to never go to bed angry. I tell you that sometimes it’s better to go to bed angry than to beat each other. Seriously, and I’m sure you know this already, sometimes you need to sleep it off and talk about it the next day when the tempers have cooled off. 
2. The world tells you that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Wrong. If that was the case, I would have been divorced within the month, LOL. Definitely feeding him raviolis from a can did not win me his heart. But maybe in Daniel’s case, the way to Chabeli’s heart was preparing her delicious meals. 
3. The world tells you that love is never having to say you’re sorry. Ha ha ha. You will need to say “I’m sorry” many times. Hopefully neither one of you is afraid to say it because love means being able to say “I’m sorry” over and over again.
4. The world tells you to choose your battles. I agree on this one. It’s best not to fight over the little things, like how much luggage to take on a trip. Dad knows exactly what I mean, LOL. 
5. The world tells you not to put your children above your marriage. Very true. You two are the roots of the tree and the children are just the branches. The tree cannot survive without the roots. Your children will be happier if you are happy and you have solid, strong roots. Yes, they will demand your full attention, but don’t take each other for granted. Let them know that mom and dad also need “alone” time.
6. The world tells you that if it doesn’t work out, divorce is always a choice. Don’t allow it to be. Every argument, every disagreement, has a solution, but when you bring “divorce” into the argument as an option, it will become the solution. There is always another path, the one that leads to reconciliation.
7. The world tells you to put “yourself” first. I couldn’t disagree more. You need to put the other one first. But it takes two to tango. If only one of you does this, eventually resentment and competition will creep into your marriage. But if both of you care more for each other than you do for yourselves, then you will always dance to the beat of a passionate tango. 
8. The world tells you that honesty is the best policy. I totally agree. If you start keeping things from each other, pretty soon you will lose trust, which is one of the main ingredients for a successful marriage. It’s very difficult to regain trust once it’s gone. 
9. The world tells you to save for a rainy day. I tell you to save for a hurricane. You never know when life can throw you a curve ball and you may be without a job. They say it’s good to have six months of your salary saved up. I say, if possible, have one year of your salary saved up.
10. The world tells you that you have to do it on your own. Not true. You are not alone on this journey, so whenever you have a question or need some advice, don’t hesitate to grab the phone and make a call. You can call dad and I at any time, day or night. We will always be here for you, and even if we give you a hard time once in a while, we are your biggest cheerleaders because we want you to succeed and have a long lasting marriage.

May God bless you today and always, and may He always walk by your side even when you feel that you don’t need Him. May He bless you with children, and may you never take each other for granted. Enjoy the marriage journey, and may it be a journey of unending love, sprinkled with unexpected surprises, lots of rainbows, plenty of sunshine, filled with joy, incredible adventures, and plenty of romance. 

May you live happily ever after. 

With love,

Mom (and Dad too)

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Surrendering Opens the Door to Amazing Adventures

 “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.” -- Helen Keller

Thirty-six years ago, my husband was desperately looking for a job. We had both graduated from FIU a year earlier with a Bachelor’s Degree, but finding a job proved quite difficult for him. At the time, the majority of job postings would come out in the Sunday’s edition of the Miami Herald. Our routine was to search the paper while having breakfast. We would circle the ones that sounded most promising, type letters in the good old reliable typewriter, and mail them out with his résumé on Monday morning. Then came the waiting game. 

We did this for almost an entire year. The majority of those letters executed the “reject” letter. We already knew it as soon as it arrived in the mailbox inside a thin envelope. It always began the same way: “Thank you for your interest in our company, but…” 

We finally surrendered the job search to God. We left it in His Hands figuring that if He wanted Rafa to find a job, it would happen in His time, not ours. Luckily, Rafa was working for a small Accounting firm. It was not his ideal job, but at least he was not unemployed. 

At the time, we were also trying to have a baby. We were not very successful in this department either. After seeing my husband’s struggle with the job hunting, I went to Church one day and said a prayer to God. I told Him that I would surrender my desire to have a baby if He could find a job for my hubby. As you can imagine, this took a lot of courage because I really wanted a baby, but my husband’s desperation was growing by the day, and it was breaking my heart to see him this way, especially because I had found a great job without even looking. It had literally landed on my lap three months before graduation. 

Finally, in April 1987, he got an interview with a real estate company. After a couple meetings, he was hired as Assistant Comptroller. He was sooo happy, and so was I. There was just one little problem. I didn’t tell him about the deal that I had made with God. 

I had been trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant for eight months now. A series of tests determined that I was low on a hormone called progesterone which could seriously affect my ability to get pregnant. I went through infertility treatments for the next eight months only to realize that having a baby was not happening for us. I don’t think when I made that deal with God I truly believed that He would take me up on my proposal, but by this time I was starting to believe that He had actually granted me what I had requested word by word. 

I went back to Church and prayed again. I thanked Him for getting Rafa into an amazing company but I still really wanted a baby. “I know what I said to You eight months ago, and I don’t think is fair to change it now that You got Rafa a job. But if we can’t have a baby of our own, please God help us to adopt. We heard it takes years. Can you speed up the process, Lord? But not my will, Lord. I surrender this to You, Lord.”

It was early December when I had this conversation with God. We stopped all the infertility treatments and decided to start the adoption process after Christmas. I found out I was pregnant at the dawn of 1988. 

Fast forward to today, and my husband just retired from a 36-year career with the Codina Family. They gave him a surprise retirement lunch last week that brought together people that he’s worked with through the span of all these years. It also brought down our three children, our daughter-in-law and our grandson. Hearing what others had to say about him and the legacy he’s leaving behind brought tears to my eyes. 

Little did I know that surrendering our lives to God all those years ago would open the doors to such amazing adventures. A job that began as Assistant Comptroller in Downtown Miami took my husband to work at different locations throughout the county holding various jobs from Comptroller to VP of Finance, Regional Market Officer and finally, CFO. But the best part was that he met a wonderful family that taught him so much, and who treat him as one of their own, to the point that they don’t allow him to retire fully. They have given him the new title of Vice Chairman, but he gets to go to the office whenever he pleases which is about three times a week. 

God made him wait a year to find the right job because He knew where he needed to be. And He didn’t hold me to my pretty dumb deal. He blessed us with three amazing children that have taken us on quite interesting journeys. 

Definitely allowing God to be the driver of our lives has been a much better choice than if we had tried to be in control. We learned a big lesson so now, when we find ourselves at the threshold of any major decision, we just tell God: “It’s in your hands, Lord. We surrender.” And then we just wait to see what amazing adventure God has in store for us.

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Trust your Heart

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

How many times have I heard the phrase “Trust your heart”? Way too many to count. Whenever I’m faced with a tough decision, people tell me “trust your heart.” When I have to select between two different choices, I’m told to “trust my heart.” But what exactly does this mean?

“Trust your heart” means listening to your soul. If you have two paths in front of you, visualize yourself taking just one of them. Do you feel uplifted when you see yourself selecting this option? Or do you feel nervous and insecure? Do the same thing with the other path. If one makes you feel excited and the other one causes you to panic, you have your answer. Your heart is already telling you which path to follow.

Many times, though, both paths may cause you anxiety. What do you do then? This is exactly where I am right now. I have to make an important decision, and both choices are creating a lot of nervous energy within me. I keep asking myself, “what am I afraid of?”

The only way to find the right answer is by placing my trust in God. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart” Prov 3:5, is a phrase I like much more than “trust your heart.” I have more confidence in God than in my heart. I know I can trust God. I know that He will help me choose the right path. When I place my full trust in Him, I don’t need to figure things out on my own. I don’t need to be anxious. I don’t need to fear.

The greatest obstacle in trusting the Lord with all my heart is that many times I want to make my own choices and decisions without consulting with God. Even though I know in my heart what He is telling me to do, I still want to do it my way, and I have a hard time surrendering my will to Him.

When I finally surrender and I decide to trust God with all my heart, great things start to happen. My soul begins to feel joyful because I know that God is faithful. If I look back on my life, I can find times when I trusted God and He delivered. My heart rejoices because God cares deeply about me and my situation. He promises that He will help me choose what is good for me, even if it’s not always what I want.

Once I place my full trust in God, then I can trust my heart. God lives within my heart. He is always with me. And because He is with me inside my heart, I can trust my heart. The voice within my heart telling me which path to choose is the voice of God. And His voice can be trusted. 

If you are in the midst of anxiety or you are at the threshold of making an important decision, join me in prayer:

“Lord, you know the fear and anxiety that I feel today. Pour out a spirit of belief over me, so I can choose to trust You. Even though I feel worried, I will choose to trust You. Help me to identify the fear and anxiety that has taken a hold of my heart so I can place it at the foot of your cross. I know You have the power to save me from my troubles now. Thank You for being with me. You are my strength and my hope. I will worship You today even if I cannot quite understand what You are doing. Thank You for putting your trust within my heart. Amen.”

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Surrendering Willingly

 “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39

Palm Sunday kicks off the most important week for the Catholic Church, Holy Week. I have been contemplating how that week unfolded in Jesus’ life. I have tried to put myself in His shoes, an impossible feat, but I attempted it anyway. 

What would I do different this week if I knew it was my last Holy Week? 

Jesus knew that He was going to be killed, and yet, instead of running to the hills to hide, He entered Jerusalem riding on a donkey with His head held high. Would I have the courage to do the same? I think it would probably depend on the type of death. Crucifixion… definitely not. I’m not that brave. I would have definitely run as far away as possible trying not to get caught. And yet, Jesus carried His cross with dignity. I had never thought of it this way, but Jesus not only surrendered, He surrendered willingly. 

On the days prior to His death, Jesus spent time with His friends. “Six days before Passover Jesus came to Bethany… They gave a dinner for him there, and Martha served, while Lazarus was one of those reclining at table with him” John 12:1-2. He not only spent time with His friends, but He shared His deepest fears. “Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified, ‘Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me’" John 13:21. He even spent time with the one that He knew would betray Him. Spending time with family and friends would definitely be high on my priority list, but spending time with enemies? No way. I would not want to spend my last days with those that for whatever reason I dislike. And yet, Jesus is asking me to “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another” John 13:34.

Jesus humbly served His disciples: “He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and dry them with the towel around his waist” John 13:5. He continued to teach them by example. “I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do. Amen, amen, I say to you, no slave is greater than his master nor any messenger greater than the one who sent him” John 13:15-16. He spoke words of encouragement to them: “Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid” John 14:27. This is truly admirable. If I knew I was going to die, would I serve others? Would I encourage them? Most likely, my reaction would be just the opposite. I would expect people to encourage me and to serve me. And yet, Jesus is teaching us to serve and encourage others until our very last breath.

Jesus taught His disciples, and in turn He teaches us, to be obedient to God: “I love the Father and I do just as the Father has commanded me” John 14:31. He teaches us to surrender willingly to God’s will: “He fell prostrate in prayer, saying, ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will. My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!’” Matthew 26:39, 42.

As I contemplated all these events in Jesus’ life, which took place during the days and hours leading to His passion and death, I tried to imagine for just one second if I would have surrendered so willingly to the Father’s will, and I honestly cannot answer. I would like to think that when my time comes, I will surrender, but willingly? That is the difference between Jesus and me, and the reason why placing myself in His shoes is much harder than I could possibly imagine. But as I walk with Him during this Holy Week, hoping that is not my last one but trying to live it as He did, in other words, as if it was my last one, I will try to drop everything that is not important, follow Jesus into His Passion, and abandon myself into His Hands.

He calls each of us by name because He loves us. Will we surrender to Him willingly? Will we accept our cross, and carry it willingly just like He did? Will we do anything differently if He told us: “This is your last Holy Week, make it count.”

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Joseph: He Trusted and He Surrendered

“Go to Joseph with extreme confidence, because I do not remember having asked anything from St. Joseph, without having obtained it readily.” St. Padre Pio

I had never really paid much attention to Joseph. After all, he doesn’t say a single word in the Bible. He is one of those silent characters, like Chewbacca in Star Wars, that doesn’t say much but once you get to know him, you can’t help but love him. 

I began to pay more attention to Joseph during a silent retreat more than 10 years ago. Father Nelson Fernández, one of the spiritual directors guiding the retreat, shared a story about a group of nuns that were trying to raise funds to buy the property where they had their convent, otherwise they were going to lose it. Someone from the town brought them a statue of St. Joseph, and told them that even though he didn’t have any money to give them, he was giving them the statue because maybe it would help them to buy the property. Since St. Joseph is known as the patron saint of house sellers, maybe he can help buyers too. The sisters were not sure what to do with the statue, which was quite large. They decided to just place it in their front lawn, and within the week, they had all the money to buy the property thanks to the generosity of an anonymous benefactor. Father Nelson told us that when we are having issues with our family, our home, or anything else that it seems like God is not answering, to take it to St. Joseph. 

At that point, I began to read more about St. Joseph. I learned that he is the patron Saint of the Universal Church. This is a very important job, especially now that our church is being attacked. Have you heard of the schism of the Church that is taking place in Germany? You will not hear about this in regular news, of course, but what is un­fold­ing in Ger­many is akin to the 16th-cen­tury Lutheran Ref­ormation. Therefore, we must turn to St. Joseph and ask him to protect our Church. 

St. Joseph is also the patron saint of unborn children, fathers, workers, travelers, immigrants, and a happy death. Why a happy death? He died in the hands of Jesus and Mary. What can be better than that? I hope that when my day comes, Jesus and Mary are by my side. I must pray to St. Joseph to grant me this wish. 

St. Joseph was also a dreamer. I love this about him because I’m a dreamer too. Dreams were very important in St. Joseph’s life. He heard God’s voice in his dreams. And he trusted the message. He wanted to separate from Mary when he learned that she was pregnant, but he heard God’s voice in his dream, he trusted and he surrendered. When he was ready to return home from Bethlehem, he heard God’s voice telling him to go instead to Egypt, and once again, he trusted and he surrendered. 

Joseph teaches us to trust and surrender to God’s will. Whether his surrender took him to a Bethlehem stable or to Egypt for an undetermined length of time, he was ready to do God’s will because he trusted. 

Now, I trust that Joseph will hear me, and take my prayers to God. So I pray to St. Joseph for his intercession, and I surrender, just like he did. Even St. Padre Pio reminds us, “Go to Joseph with extreme confidence, because I do not remember having asked anything from St. Joseph, without having obtained it readily.”

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Surrender to the Holy Spirit

“There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit.” 1 Cor 12:4

I have been invited multiple times to a “Life in the Spirit” retreat. If I’m honest with myself, I have been afraid to attend. I have heard the stories of people talking in tongues and people falling down. If you invite me to a silent retreat, I’m all in. But a retreat where I may fall down? Not for me.

But God knows what we need better than we know ourselves, so He sent the Holy Spirit to my house. I guess He figured that if I didn’t want to go to the mountain, He had to send the mountain to me.

Last night, I hosted a rosary at my home. I invited my Belen Emmaus sisters, and I also invited Sheila. I met Sheila by phone last December. Sheila had just finished writing her first book, and I was asked by a mutual friend if I could guide her with the next steps to take. I did not think I was the right person to guide her since I had sent my book to three publishers without success, but I decided to share with Sheila all the research that I had done regarding book publishing.

Fast forward three months, and last night I finally met Sheila in person. I realized that instead of God sending her to me so I could help her, God sent her to me so she could help me. First, her book, “One Soul: Awaken to His Love,” has already been published, and Sheila has decided to help me get my book published. But whether that happens or not, after last night, I know that the main reason God sent her to me is so she can help me get closer to the Holy Spirit. 

Sheila shared with us how terrified she felt the first time that she attended a meeting where people were praising, worshipping and speaking in tongues. She wanted to leave as soon as possible. But little by little, she was drawn in. And now, she is part of the team that puts together the “Life in the Spirit” retreats. 

In the times of Jesus, it was very common to speak in tongues. St. Paul talks about this in his letter to the Corinthians: “For one who speaks in a tongue does not speak to human beings but to God” (1 Cor 14:2). He explains that “there are different kinds of spiritual gifts… To one is given through the Spirit varieties of tongues; to another interpretation of tongues” (1 Cor 12:4, 8, 10).  Jesus foretold of speaking in tongues: “These signs will accompany those who believe… they will speak new languages” (Mark 16:17). When the Holy Spirit was poured out on the apostles on the day of Pentecost, “they began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim” (Acts 2:4).

The gift of tongues is just one of many gifts of the Holy Spirit. St. Paul mentions nine: wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, mighty deeds, prophecy, discernment of spirits, varieties of tongues, and interpretation of tongues (1 Cor 12:8-10). Sheila explained to us that we all have the Spirit within us, but like a bottle of champagne, we need to pop the cork for the Spirit to overflow and explode. We need to wake up the Spirit that has been dormant within us in order to discover which spiritual gift we have within us.

God certainly works in mysterious ways, and leads us in paths that are much better and unexpected than the ones we planned. He is definitely asking me to surrender to the Holy Spirit. It’s time to push my fears aside, and say out-loud: “Come Holy Spirit.”

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Who do you trust?

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me.” John 14:1

When I was a child, the people I trusted most were my parents. But as much as I trusted them, I still felt scared when they left me. I always feared that they would not come back. I remember one time that we went to the store right before Christmas. We were living in Madrid at the time so I must have been 8 or 9 years old. The store had a childcare center in the basement, where they would show cartoons. They left me there while they went to do their shopping. I was not happy. I didn’t enjoy the cartoons at all. I just kept looking towards the door, waiting for them to return. After what seemed like an eternity, they came back. I allowed my fear to place a doubt on my trust in them.

Many times we try to place our trust in people or in the things of the world, thinking that the world will provide us with the happiness that we are seeking. We think that if we buy the latest car or the biggest house we are going to be happy. We place our trust in material things, and those things will never make us happy. We think that if we travel to the most exotic places in the world we will be ecstatic. But then we realize that as pretty as that destination was, it didn’t fill us with the joy that we were expecting. We trusted the marketing that said that we were going to have the most amazing vacation, only to realize that the joy was fleeting. We think that if we have a lot of money, we are going to be happy, but money can’t buy happiness. We should not trust money to make us happy. A lot of people place so much emphasis on making money that if something goes wrong, they are completely devastated. In extreme cases, it has even led to people ending their lives because they had turned money into their god, and once they lost it, they did not have a reason to keep on living. 

If we place our trust in the world, we are going to come up empty. The only One that I know I can trust without having second thoughts is God. He will never let me down. Even when He takes His sweet time to answer my prayers, He has my best interest at heart. If He doesn’t answer me right away is because He knows that the timing is not right. But I can trust that He hears me, and He is working on granting my petition, as long as it’s good for me. 

The only way we can be truly happy is if we place God at the center of our lives. If He is in charge of everything that we do, then we will not need to buy things or travel or have a lot of money in order to be happy. We will find happiness in the little things, because our joy will come from God.

If we place our trust in other humans, even if they are our parents or other family members, they may let us down even if they don’t do it on purpose. We humans are imperfect creatures, so we cannot be trusted unconditionally. We all have a hole within our hearts that cannot be filled by humans nor the things of this world. The only One that fits inside that hole is God. Until we realize this, we are always going to feel empty. We need to place our trust in God because He is the only One that can make us feel whole again.

My parents would have never abandoned me, but my fear became more powerful than my trust. The same thing can happen with God. We want to trust Him, but the fear that He may not answer our prayers can turn into an obstacle to trust Him unconditionally. Let’s set aside our fears, and listen to Jesus: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me.” John 14:1

Copyright © 2023 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.