Hope for the Crabs

 “Our hope for you is firm, for we know that as you share in the sufferings, you also share in the encouragement.” 1 Corinthians 1:7

I always compare myself to a crab. The reason is that when life throws me a curveball, I tend to run and hide, just like the crabs do in the sand. When I’m facing a difficult situation, it’s hard for me to open up. My first instinct is to hide in my private crab hole, and keep my feelings bottled up inside. Coincidentally, even though I don’t pay much attention to the horoscope, my sign is cancer, and it does describe me perfectly.

It’s not good to bottle up our feelings when we are feeling sad, stressed or depressed. A burden shared is much easier to carry. As the saying goes: “A burden shared is a burden halved, just like a joy shared is a joy doubled.” I learned this lesson back in 2009 when I was facing my darkest hour. I was asked not to talk about it for various reasons, so I turned into a crab. I separated from my friends. I stopped participating in the Emmaus retreats, of which I had been an active member up to that point. I was carrying this heavy burden on my own. Well, not exactly. My husband was carrying it with me. And God was helping us. But still, I needed community badly.

God, however, works in mysterious ways, and He led me to a bible community at St. Louis Catholic Church. It took weeks, even months, but little by little, I began to venture out of the crab hole. When I finally opened up and shared my burden, my new brothers and sisters in Christ asked if they could help me carry my burden. And just like that, my burden halved. And eventually, my burden turned into joy. And just like they had halved my burden, they doubled my joy.

The book of the Bible that we studied that year was Genesis, and now, thirteen years later, we are studying Genesis once again. But the beauty of the Bible is that we can read it a thousand times, and always get something different out of it. As I look back, I realize that I have come a long way from my crabby ways. Now, whether through my blog or in person, I don’t carry my burdens alone. I share them with others. And it is so much easier when we allow our community to help us.

If you have crabby tendencies like me, do not despair. There is hope for the crabs. Just like I learned to step out of the crab hole, you can too. Sometimes we think that the burden we carry is different than everyone else’s, but you’ll be surprised. When I shared my burden all those years ago, I discovered that there were many people carrying a similar burden. When I allowed them to help me, the weight of the burden diminished exponentially. And eventually, I began to help others, and I realized that we are not meant to be crabs.

The lesson I learned and which I hope I can share is: “Don’t be a crab.” Step out of the crab hole, and allow others to help you carry whatever it is that you are going through. There’s a saying in Spanish that goes like this: “Cada uno con lo suyo y Dios con lo de todos.” (Each one with its own and God with everyone’s). But God doesn’t want us to isolate ourselves. We are meant to live in community, helping each other out. So don’t be afraid to open up. You’ll be surprised how many others are carrying a similar burden, and they can help to alleviate yours. 

If I learned to step out of the crab hole, you can too. There is hope for the crabs. A burden shared is a burden halved, just like a joy shared is a joy doubled. Don’t limit yourself to share the joys. I want to hear about your burdens too, and I will do my best to half your weight.

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Hope is on My Mind

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.” Isaiah 40:31

My prayer list for cancer patients keeps getting longer and longer. It’s pretty scary. I practically add someone to my list on a weekly basis. Either I know too many people, or this horrific illness is affecting more and more people. 

Even though hope was my only resolution for 2022, I have been experiencing a big case of hopelessness. I have been struggling to keep my mind and my heart open to hope, but on many days, when I see so much pain all around me, I have succumbed, and allowed despair to take over my heart and control my mind. 

I have a dear friend that is approaching her last days. She has been battling cancer for many years, and she’s on the edge of losing the fight. It breaks my heart every time I think of her. She’s exactly one year younger than I am since she was born two days before my first birthday. We met when we were 15 and 16, and since then, our lives have always been intertwined. We met through Encuentros Juveniles (Youth Encounters). We then crossed paths at FIU when we were both studying Accounting. We were both part of a monthly prayer group, which began before we were married, and continued long after we had children. Her mother-in-law took care of her kids and mine. We shared birthday parties and motherly advice. We helped out in Camino del Matrimonio (marriage retreats). We were neighbors for 25 years. And most recently, we joined forces to help people with mental illness, something close to both our hearts for different reasons. Elyna has been such a big part of the last 44 years of my life, that I cannot imagine a future without her. 

As we journey through life, we are always being pulled in two different directions: the world and God. We are born to live and die, but the world makes us think that we can live forever. And we cannot. There is only one truth: if we are born, we will die one day. Our lives here on earth are not eternal. The world doesn’t want us to think about that, though, so we are constantly bombarded to have more, to be more, to stay young forever, to achieve power, to stay healthy, etc. If we fall into this trap, we will feel discouraged when we realize that the calendar doesn’t stop. We will get old, we will get sick, we cannot take what we have acquired materially with us, power doesn’t last forever and so on.

One of the things that is helping me with my feelings of discouragement is to focus on positive things. It’s easy to just see the darkness because that is what we are being bombarded with on a daily basis. It makes us think that the gap between pain and joy is very large, but it is not. Yes, our lives can change from joy to pain in an instant, but we do not need to remain in the pain forever. I have had moments of immeasurable pain, but I have also had moments of incredible joy. The One that has helped me to close the gap between both is God. He stands in the gap. If I fill the gap in my heart with God’s presence, He can transform my pain into joy, and my despair into hope. And when hope is on my mind, peace reigns in my heart. 

If we live our lives with faith, we may have moments of hopelessness, but eventually, we will feel hopeful again. Hope has a name. It’s Jesus. The world makes you hope for the best, but only God offers the best hope. Hope is the promise that Jesus left us after He resurrected. He left us the hope that there is something better after this life.

But hope for me is like black coffee. I cannot drink black coffee straight. I have to conceal my caffeine with caramel or vanilla, and a large dose of sugar. I do the same with hope. I conceal it with false promises from the world. The world promises are like sugar. They sound sweet and rewarding. But even if I conceal the strong taste of black coffee with sugar, the caffeine is still present. So when I fill my mind with all these worldly additives, eventually, the anxiety sets in. I cannot sleep at night, just like I cannot sleep if I drink too much coffee. The world just gives me a fleeting sense of hope, but true hope cannot be found in the world. It can only be found in God.

When I feel hopeless, I also turn to Mary and Joseph. They are both to me a sign of hope. If someone had every reason to feel despair, it was Mary and Joseph, but they always kept their eyes on Jesus, and their hope in God. On one of my last conversations with Elyna, when she decided to stop chemo, she told me that she was not afraid of dying because she had faith. When I told her that I would pray for a miracle, she told me not to pray for a miracle for her. She said that she was offering her suffering for a young mother that had cancer. According to her, this young mother needed the miracle more than she did. I was blown away by her huge faith. Now, all I’m praying for is that Mary and Joseph lead Elyna to their Son Jesus, and that she can go in peace and without pain. 

I have been journeying through a summer of hopelessness, but I am encouraged with the journey ahead. Hope is never still. Hope is a journey. It’s life’s journey. Elyna’s journey here on earth may be coming to an end, but an even better one is about to begin for her in heaven. I am hopeful that no matter what’s ahead, my autumn will be filled with hope, because hope is on my mind. And I hope I can share and spread this unwavering hope with others that are going through difficult times, especially those on my long list of cancer patients who are praying for a miracle. Just like Elyna showed me what true faith is by offering her suffering for a young mother, I will offer my moments of despair for Elyna, so God, through the intercession of Mary and her beloved spouse Joseph, grants her the joy of a happy death. 

St. Joseph and Mama Mary, join me in praying for Elyna and please, lead her to Your Son quickly and peacefully. 

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Give them Wings and Set them Free

“Fly high, in the sky, go and spread your wings, my children. I your mother, will always have your back, to catch you when you fall, to hold you when you feel weak. Achieve those dreams, of yours, which I could think, but could never achieve.” Author Unknown

I was recently having a conversation with one of my closest friends, almost sister, who lives in Spain. Her daughter left to Australia in 2019 for one year. She has yet to return. Between the pandemic and falling in love, her one-year adventure has turned into an indefinite one. My friend just returned from visiting, broken-hearted because she doesn’t see her returning to Spain. I was trying to console her since I’m almost on the same boat, even though I do not have to travel for 27 hours to visit my kids. I told her, in my feeble attempt to console her, that we bring up our kids for the world, not for us. “If we give them wings to fly, we have to set them free,” I said to her.

Easier said than done. I know that part of the reason why I have been feeling so desolate lately is because all my chicks have moved away from Miami. The pandemic has not helped because it has limited our ability to get together. Last Christmas was the perfect example. We were all getting together in New York, and we had to cancel our plans at the last minute. We have not been able to have a full-family gathering since the beginning of 2021. And nothing brings more joy to my heart than gathering all my kids in the same place at the same time. We tried to do it for my 60th birthday and it didn’t work out. Our next attempt will be this coming Thanksgiving. 

I just returned from visiting all three of them separately. I spent four days in New York with my oldest, his wife and 9-month-old grandson. From there, I hopped to Charlotte to visit the two youngest who decided to make the Queen City their permanent home in 2021. Seeing them so happy, helped me to feel happy too. I recently read and wrote down the following quote: “you’re incredibly brave to choose the hard decision, to make the choice that hurts now because you want what’s best in the long term.” When my daughter told me that she had decided to move to Charlotte, I wanted to dissuade her from her decision. But then I thought about myself. If I had one thing to do over in my life, it’s that I would have been bolder, taken more chances, and worried less about what everyone else thought or said to me. I just couldn’t hold her back. I always knew that as a mom the hardest thing for me would be to let go. But the most important thing was to give them wings and set them free. My daughter blind-sided me because she never wanted to leave Miami during her college years, so I expected her to stay in Miami forever. But after seeing her settled and so happy in Charlotte, I knew that I had done the right thing by allowing her to fly.

It didn’t help when my youngest also decided to move, even though I expected it from him more than from her. “At least they are both in the same town,” I keep telling myself. When I asked my daughter recently, “Who’s going to be your maid of honor?” and she responded, “I don’t know because Alex is my best friend,” my heart swelled with joy. Living together without additional family or friends has truly bonded them.

I have returned feeling more joyful than I have felt in the longest time. My kids may not be a 15-minute car ride away like they used to be, but they are happy. They are fully independent. They are all in love with partners that really care about them. They all have embraced the cities where they now live. And all I have to do if I become a bit desolate because I miss them is hop on a plane. In three hours I will be in New York, and in two hours I will be in Charlotte.

Last night, I slept an interrupted night for the very first time in months. When we go to sleep with a sense of hope, we can sleep well and wake up fully refreshed. A hope-filled mind removes all the anxiety from our hearts. This peaceful heart allows us to look at the future with hope and joy, knowing that it all will work out according to God’s plan.

I feel bad for my friend because in her case, seeing her daughter takes a 27-hour trip to the other side of the world. But I told her, “when you retire, you can spend six months in Australia and six months in Spain.” And who knows what plans God has for her daughter. All we have to do is place our children in God’s hands and trust with hope that He has their best interest at heart. As long as they are happy, we should be happy too, because we gave them wings and set them free.

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Finding Hope in the Desert

“The living God is the One who walks in dust and ruin to come and find you, to meet you, to walk with you, and to bring you home.” Kristi McLelland

I have never liked the desert. And when I say the desert, I don’t mean the actual desert, even though I don’t think I would like it either. But in this case, the desert that I’m talking about is the inner desert. And I’ve been traversing an inner desert for the past few months. In Ignatian Spirituality, this inner desert is referred to as desolation. It’s the perfect word to describe what I have been feeling. I have felt desolate. I cannot pinpoint a specific reason why I have been feeling this way, but I have. I keep asking God, what is wrong with me? I have every reason to feel joyful: an amazing husband, three healthy and independent children whom have found perfect matches and are all thriving, a beautiful 9-month-old grandson… I have lots of friends, a great prayer community, and yet, I have been feeling so empty inside.

I turned off all my social media accounts in order to dedicate more time to myself and to God. It has not helped. If anything, I feel even more isolated. At first, a few friends reached out to me. I was grateful, but I knew there was not much anyone could do. I had to get out of the hole on my own. Now, two months later, I feel that whether I return to social media or not, it won’t make a difference. Has anyone missed me? Probably not.

There’s a cost to trying to maintain the facade that everything in your life is perfect, that everything is hunky-dory, when you are experiencing an inner earthquake. It will eventually catch up to you and take a toll. I think that’s what happened to me. I was having these feelings of desolation, and yet, I was trying to pretend that all was good. I was seeking to live in an illusion that I had created, but there is no such thing. It is more difficult to try to live in an illusion than it is to be true to yourself.

I have tried during this spiritual sabbatical to do just that, to be true to myself. I have done a lot of reflection through journaling, which is the best place where I can take an honest, hard look at myself. I have spent a lot of quiet time trying to listen to God (He’s been pretty quiet too). I have reflected on my past, and realized that it’s better not to dwell too much on the past. Yes, there are many things that I could have done better, but I cannot change the past. I need to focus on the here and now, and try to do better in the future.

I have also been listening to Podcasts on my drive to and from work. Lately, I have been listening to Kristi McLelland. She’s a Christian author, speaker, teacher, and college professor with a Masters in Christian Education. She has a Podcast called Pearls where she strings the Biblical stories (pearls) together. It’s a total of twelve episodes, and yesterday I listened to episode nine titled “A Word in the Wilderness.” It helped me to look at my inner desert differently. The wilderness is similar to the desert, and in this episode, Kristi shared that God does some of His best work in the wilderness. It’s so true. When I meditated on my past, I realized that whenever I have gone through a period of desolation, God has been at work in me, and great things have come out. And yet, I don’t like to be in this desolate place. I want to get out of the desert. 

According to Kristi, “God loves the desert.” This gave me a lot of hope. Maybe being in the desert is not so bad after all. Kristi continues: “The living God is the One who walks in dust and ruin to come and find you, to meet you, to walk with you, and to bring you home.” I realized after listening to this episode that even though I have not heard God’s voice in the desert, He is here with me, walking with me, and leading me home. “I will allure her now; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak persuasively to her” Hosea 2:16. Sometimes, God leads us into the desert so He can speak to us. And even though I have been feeling that He is quiet, I think that He has been preparing me for something great. I don’t know what that is yet, but I’m sure that He will reveal it to me when I’m ready.

While I wait, I have decided to reopen my social media accounts. I’m not going to be obsessive with them like I used to be. I will only post occasionally, and I have done some deep cleaning. I had a lot of so-called “friends” that truly were no friends at all. I have “unfriend” them. I have also “unfollowed” others. I’ll keep them as friends but I’m going to stick to positive posts. I don’t need to listen to any political comments, rudeness or angry retorts. If I want that, all I have to do is turn on the television. I will follow only those friends that make me stand in awe at what they post, and leave me feeling happy by seeing them happy. I need more beauty and goodness in my life, so if I’m not getting that through the persons that I follow, then I might as well not follow them. It’s better if I delete the people that try to eradicate my joy, my spirit, and my hope, than allow them to cast gloom on my sunny day.

Even though I’m still traversing through the desert, I feel more hopeful today than I have felt in a long time. I think God was talking to me yesterday through Kristi McLelland, by letting me know that He is walking with me, and He will never abandon me. So when I begin to feel desolate, I will grab Him by the hand and allow Him to lead me home.

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

It’s the “Lack” of Hope that Kills You

“You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 10-second memory.” Ted Lasso

I’ve been watching Ted Lasso on Apple TV. It has been recommended by so many friends that I finally decided to give it a go. I just finished watching season one and I loved it. On the last episode, they used a phrase that I had never heard before: “It’s the hope that kills you.” Apparently, it’s a phrase commonly used in England before a football game. They believe that if they raise their hope too high that their team will win, and then they end up losing, the blow will be more crushing than if their expectations had been low to begin with.

I, just like Ted Lasso, completely disagree with the English. I think it’s just the opposite. It’s the lack of hope that kills you. A hope-filled mind removes all the anxiety from our hearts. When I go to sleep with a sense of hope, I can sleep well and wake up fully refreshed. But when I’m feeling hopeless, I toss and turn at night, and end up getting up in the middle of the night because I cannot quiet my mind. This has been happening a lot lately, and I know that this lack of hope will eventually affect my health.

The reason why I enjoyed watching the mini series so much is because Ted Lasso believes in hope. He believes in miracles. He has this teddy-bear-like warmth, and this peaceful heart, that allows us to forget for just a little while about this cynical world we are living in. We need a bit more of the “Lasso” attitude in our world. He is kind, empathetic, forgiving, optimistic and hopeful. Every time I watch an episode, I feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Ted Lasso has pushed me into taking a better look at myself. Am I kind to others? Do I feel empathy? Am I optimistic and hopeful? How easily do I forgive? I can forgive but I have a hard time forgetting. I’m definitely not a goldfish who has a 10-second memory. That’s one quote I love from Ted Lasso: “Be a goldfish.” He claims that the goldfish is the happiest animal in the world because he can’t hold grudges or dwell on his mistakes with his short-term memory. Now, I would love to be a goldfish. I could certainly sleep much better at night if I was a goldfish.

Watching Ted Lasso makes me feel uplifted and happy. It’s a show that brings me comfort, and reminds me that I must have hope because it’s the lack of hope that kills you. There’s enough lack of hope in the world, so I’m glad that Lasso’s consistent outlook on positivity gives me hope that I can stay afloat, and become a better version of myself. And maybe, just maybe, I can start living my life like a goldfish.

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Hope is my Blanket

“Dear God, I tried my best, but if today I lose my hope please tell me that your plans are better than my dreams. Amen.” Author Unknown

I have spent this summer focusing on myself and my future. I needed to focus on myself because I was feeling pretty hopeless. I felt like I was passing through life unnoticed. I knew that I had to take some time to myself to decide if I wanted to continue on the same path that I had been walking or if I needed to make changes. I can honestly tell you that after spending this summer reading and writing on my journal, I am no closer to having an answer to my questions.

Yet, even though I do not have a clear answer as to which path I should choose for my future, something positive has happened this summer. As I wrote down on my journal all the weird thoughts running through my head, I began to feel hopeful. Tim Muldoon, author of a number of books, including “The Ignatian Workout” says that “hope seldom arrives with trumpet blasts, but rather it creeps slowly into our consciousness like a shy visitor.” And that is exactly what happened to me. Hope became my blanket. I wrapped myself in my hope blanket, and I carried it with me wherever I went.

I have come to the realization that the destination is not as important as the journey. It doesn’t matter if I continue walking down the same path, as long as I reach God. I also realized that is not true that I’m passing through life unnoticed. God notices every single breath that I take. Even though I may think that my daily routine is insignificant, if I offer everything I do to God, it has meaning in His eyes, and I’m collecting treasures that will have value in heaven.

Things that have eternal value are the sacrifices and good deeds that we perform here on earth. We may not see the reward here but they will be rewarded in heaven. We should offer everything we do each day to God in sacrifice, from the minute we wake up when we feel like hitting the snooze bottom and going back to sleep, to offering up our daily routines to God. Every little thing we do during the day may seem insignificant, but if we do it for God, those insignificant things will be collected together and they will have value in heaven. Every second of our day should be invested in Heaven’s Savings Bank.

In conclusion, even though I have not found the answers that I was seeking, I discovered something better. I need to focus on the now and be thankful. I do not need to worry about whether I’m on the right path or not. Jesus has met me where I am on my journey, but He is not going to leave me there. He is going to guide me, and I do not need to worry if He’s going to keep me on the same path or lead me in a different direction. I just need to follow Him, with my Hope Blanket wrapped around my shoulders. 

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.

Waiting with Faith and Hope

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

Have you been praying for something specific and you feel that God is not answering your prayer? I have been in that situation more than once. Right now, I have a special intention that I have been praying for about ten years, and I feel like God is not listening. Sometimes, I feel like just giving up. I have prayed novenas and rosaries. I have written letters to Him about it. I have offered masses. And yet, my request continues to go unanswered.

I don’t feel like I’m praying for anything selfish. It’s not even a prayer for me. It’s a prayer request for someone that has become a lost sheep. I’m praying for something specific that I feel would help this person have a closer relationship with God. And yet, I feel that the more I pray, the farther apart God gets. It’s like my prayer is pushing this lost sheep in the opposite direction. And if God doesn’t come to the rescue soon, it may be too late to save the sheep.

I keep asking God, what more can I do for You to do something? All I can do is continue to pray, and wait for Him to answer with faith and hope. What would I do without hope? All good things come from hope, so without it, we have nothing. Hope is the anticipation of God doing something good for you and for others. The Bible says “hope is the spring for faith and love” (Colossians 1:5). Also, “hope is an anchor for your soul” (Hebrews 6:19). To hope in God is to trust that even in your trials God is truly bringing good to you — in your life, character, and eternity. But we need eyes of faith to see this spiritual reality.

Therefore, even though God is taking His sweet time to answer my prayer, I know that He is still doing good in my life. He wants me to persevere, and to continue knocking at His door. He tells us: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).

I will continue to ask, seek, and knock as I look forward to the future with faith and hope. I trust that He will answer my prayer in His time, not mine. And I hope that you continue to persevere in your own prayer even when you feel that God is not listening.

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.