Letters to Heaven during Lent: You always Know Best

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” 
              —JOHN 14:1

Week 4: April 5, 2011

Dear Jesus:

Tomorrow, Alex is going on retreat. Perfect timing since we are right in the middle of Lent. I want to pray for him, Jesus. Help him to open up his heart. I've been a bit worried about him lately. I tried to talk to him and he told me that the reason he has not been going out is because at the parties there's a lot of drugs and alcohol, and he doesn't want to deal with that. If that is the reason, then I'm very proud of him for taking such a mature stand at sixteen. 

However, I'm still concerned. He could go to the movies or other type of outings. I am sure that there's more than just the parties taking place on the weekends. Yet, he's been staying home every single Saturday for at least three or four months. It is not normal and I need your guidance. 

I pray that this retreat helps him. Whatever is going on, I pray that it comes out to the light. Help him to be truthful to You, to us, and to himself. The group that is going is awesome. Most of his close friends will be there. Please help him to rekindle those friendships. If there is something that is bothering him, help him to open up. Please Jesus, help him get close to You, to be happy, and please, fix whatever is wrong. A mother knows when something is not quite right. 

On a different note, Rafi got an offer from Microsoft. He seems to like this company more than Bloomberg. But he doesn't want to make his final decision until he hears back from Google. I left this in your hands so I trust You fully. But, Seattle? Couldn't You find him something a little closer?

Oh well, the world fits in the palm of your hand so what for me seems a long distance, for You it 's just a walk in the park. 

Protect my family during this Lent and always. 

I love You, Jesus!!!

Week 4: March 28, 2017

Dear Jesus:

I never found out what was going on with Alex. But whatever it was, You fixed it. I never worried again on the social department. If anything, he went from one extreme to the other. He's a social butterfly. And I saw the proof this last spring break. Our house had a revolving door. Between the Miami and the Connecticut friends, it was non-stop. As he approaches his college graduation, continue to surround him with good friends. And help him to make always the right decisions, the ones that are aligned with your will.

Rafi ended up choosing Microsoft for his summer internship. And we got to spend a wonderful summer vacation driving up the Pacific coast from San Francisco to Seattle with Alex. There, we met up with Rafi and Chabeli, and we drove to the Olympic National Park. It was one of the last vacations we got to spend the five of us by ourselves, and I cherish the memories and the pictures.

You always know best. And that's why, I should always trust You. Worrying is so pointless when You are in control. So I keep walking on this Lenten journey, and attempting to leave worrying behind.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Letters to Heaven during Lent: On My Knees

"Pray continually."
     —1 THESSALONIANS 5:17

Week 4: April 4, 2011

Dear Jesus:

Rafi, Rafi, Rafi!!!

He's in Seattle for his Microsoft interview. He left without money, with an overdrawn bank account, and without pants. He just took his suit and a pair of jeans for a business dinner and an interview. What am I going to do with this boy of mine, Jesus? Is he ever going to get his act together?

He landed fine. He took a taxi but didn't have enough cash to pay for it. His credit card was not working so he calls me so I could give him my credit card number. Then he calls me from the hotel because he also needs a credit card for incidentals. Luckily, I had an extra debit card for his bank account so at the wee hours of the night, I rushed to the bank to deposit cash into his checking account.

While I was doing this, Rafael was on the phone with him going over his wardrobe. He had planned to go to the business dinner in JEANS. So much for all the money we spent in etiquette classes when he was younger. Rafael told him to wear the suit pants, and to be extra careful not to stain them because he will need them tomorrow for the interview. At least he took more than one shirt.

He's off to the dinner now. Thank You for helping us resolve another crisis. I feel that this Lent has been weaved together by a series of crisis but You always guide me to make the right decisions. Please Jesus, guide Rafi also in making the right decision for his future. He has an offer already on the table from Bloomberg in New York. He also made it to the next round of interviews with Google. And tomorrow he has the official interview with Microsoft. Please guide him towards the company that will be the best fit for him.

Jesus, I know that You have your hands full, but please, take care and protect this boy that we both love, and who always keeps us on our toes.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Week 4: March 26, 2017

Dear Jesus:

I had to laugh when I went back and read about Rafi's trip to Seattle. I had forgotten about that "little" incident. He has really kept us on our toes through the years. He still does but he has come a long way. Thank You for always guiding him towards making the right decisions. Thank You for always guiding Chabeli and Alex too. I used to worry so much about their future. If only I had trusted You more and worried less, I would have been able to rest in your peace. I would have avoided so many sleepless nights. I need to remember this when I worry about Alex's future. He also keeps me on my toes. But I trust that You also have a great plan for him, and He will end up exactly where You want him to be.

Today, as we celebrate this 4th Sunday of Lent, I promise to spend less time on my toes and more time on my knees.

I love You, Jesus!!!

LTH during Lent: This Year, I Gave Up Worrying... What Was I Thinking?

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
—Deuteronomy 31:6

Week 4: March 24, 2009

Dear Jesus:

Thank You for the opportunity that You have given me to walk the 48 steps to Easter. I'm a little worried, though. There's just 18 steps left, but the past 2 have been full of obstacles. Every time I get closer to You, things get in the way to try to keep me apart from You. It happened when I led the Emmaus. It's happening now. And I fear the enemy.

I trust You, though, because You are stronger than he is and goodness always prevails. I pray that You lead me, that You use me as your instrument. What You have entrusted me with is a big responsibility. A lot of women are doing this walk with me and I cannot let them down.

Please protect me from all evil and from all the temptations that the enemy is sure to place in my path. Help me not to fall and help me to remember that it's your message what I need to spread, not mine.

29 steps and counting. May tomorrow be a smooth day.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Week 4: March 25, 2017

Dear Jesus:

It's happening again. I knew it was too good to be true. The first two weeks of Lent were as smooth as silk. And then, the attacks began. I have learned to differentiate between obstacles and attacks. The past week, we have definitely been under attack.

First, my computer crashed and I was not able to work for two days. At any time of the year, this would have been inconsequential. But during tax season, complete chaos. In the midst of that, major plumbing issues at home. At least, since I couldn't work anyway, I was able to deal with that. On the same day of the crash, I took Penny to the vet for her shots. And while at the vet, she started bleeding from her gums. The next day, she had a huge blood clot. This was the same day the toilets backed up with a house full of spring-breakers. Plumbers came. I took Penny to the vet. And to make a long story short, she ended up having oral surgery and getting five molars taken out. And since she's such a drama queen, I've had quite the week.

On Sunday, we had to take Alex to the airport. His flight was scheduled for 10:45 am from Ft. Lauderdale. When he woke up at 8, he checked and his flight had been delayed until 12:30. Perfect, we have time to go to breakfast. We went to "The Muffin Tin" in Pinecrest and had a delicious breakfast, until 9:30 when Alex got another e-mail stating that his flight was reset back to 10:45. We flew out of the restaurant, drove like maniacs to the house to pick up his bookbag, rushed to Ft. Lauderdale to arrive there at an estimated "Waze" time of 10:30 which meant he had 15 minutes to get through security and run to his gate. But the entire time, I was praying to You for peace and tranquility. Worst case scenario, he would miss Monday classes and leave the next day. Of course, in the rush, he forgot his contact lenses and his hoodie. No big deal. He could buy a sweater at the airport in Connecticut and I would ship his contacts. While on the Palmetto, he gets yet another e-mail. Flight is now at 12:15. By this time, the delicious breakfast was stuck on our throats, and our blood pressure was through the roof, but we breathed a sigh of relief that he was not going to miss his flight after all.

We dropped him off at 10:30 because Waze is amazingly accurate. Packed airport. No way he would have made it through security in 15 minutes but this was not a worry anymore. We dropped him off, and decided to go to mass at 11 am at Little Flower in Hollywood. It's 10:45 and Alex calls me, "Mom, are my keys on the backseat of the car?" I look back, and sure enough, his keys are there... The keys to his house but most importantly, to his car parked at the airport in Connecticut. He gets out of the security line, we make a U-turn, return to the airport, hand him the keys, and head back to Miami to go to 12:30 mass at our parish. The only good thing was that I was too stressed out to shed my usual separation-tears.

But wait, I'm not done yet, there's more. The icing on the cake. My poor hubby's back that has been pain-free for over five years, started hurting him to the point that he couldn't even go to mass. Apparently, the drive back and forth to Ft. Lauderdale under stress, did a number on him. And of course, he blames me for writing about his back on my blog a few weeks ago. He says I cursed him. As if I had that much power. But I know the enemy does. However, I do not fear him, because You have more power, Jesus. So please, heal my hubby. He has a massage scheduled later today. And because I'm such a good wife, I've volunteered to accompany him and get a massage as well. Trust me, I need it too.

Please, Jesus, cover us with your protection because we are still three weeks away from Easter and I don't think I can handle another week like the one I just had. I know that with your help, we won't allow the enemy to get the upper hand. You have defeated him already and You are walking with us, every step of the way.

So much for giving up worrying for Lent, Jesus. What was I thinking? This past week, I failed miserably. Next year, I think I'm just giving up chocolate. It's so much easier. But then again, You don't want us to take the easy route. You want us to take up our crosses and follow You. And You promise to send angels to help us along the way.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Letters to Heaven during Lent: I Forgive You

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” —LUKE 6:37

Week 3: March 5, 2013

Dear Jesus:

We are smack in the middle of Lent and I just went to confession. St. Louis is having its parish mission this week and I was able to go. Before the confession, the speaker gave us a short talk about forgiveness. There was beautiful music and singing in the background.

Thank You for giving us this wonderful sacrament. It's so liberating. I usually go to confession once a year, but this year, I'm going to try to change that to once a month. The deacon told us not to hold anything back. I tried but once I began to talk, I forgot half of the sins that I wanted to confess. However, the priest told me that God knows me better than I know myself. He is right. You know me very well, and even if I forgot to mention some of my sins outloud, You know what they are and You have forgiven me.

I love You, Jesus!!!

"When all you see is your pain you lose sight of me." 
                                                         —from the movie "The Shack"

March 20, 2017

Dear Jesus:

Today, I went to see the movie, "The Shack." I had already read the book, and for the first time, I actually liked the movie more than the book. I say for the first time because every time I read a book and then watch the movie, I find the movie lacking. I always prefer the book. But not this time. They really did a good job with the movie in emphasizing the spiritual aspect.

One of the main themes of the movie is "forgiveness." We don't realize it but when we choose not to forgive, when we choose to carry the burden of not forgiving someone that has hurt us, all we are doing is multiplying that pain and in the process, we lose sight of You. Sometimes we confuse forgiveness with forgetting. Of course, we are not going to forget, but we can choose to forgive. Forgiveness, like love, it's a choice we make every day. And the more we say "I forgive you," the lighter and better we will feel.

Lent is a great time to make that choice. And sometimes, we even need to make amends with You. Many times, when something bad happens, we blame You. I have been angry at You many times. Why did you allow this illness? Why couldn't you prevent the accident? Why? Why? Why?

This Lent, I choose to forgive You for all the times that I have felt that You have let me down. And I choose to forgive all the people that in my mind have hurt me. Many times, my mind is my worst enemy. And who am I to judge? What I perceive as wrong may be a complete misunderstanding.

We are halfway through Lent and I'm yet to go to confession. It's time to stop making excuses, and separate an hour to let go of all my burdens.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Letters to Heaven during Lent: On the Palm of Your Hand

"Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of my hands I have engraved you." Isaiah 49: 15-16

Week 2: March 22, 2011

Dear Jesus:

Rafi left on Saturday. His friends left on Friday. The house is back in shape, all organized, but soooo quiet. I miss him so much. I wonder if it will ever get easier. Every time I drop him off at the airport, I return with a knot in my throat. This time, as I was driving home, tears were streaming down my face.

I guess like the reading from Isaiah says, I could never forget my babies because they are a part of me. It's the same with You. You will never forget me. You have written my name on the palm of your hand.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Week 2: March 15, 2017

Dear Jesus:

I have been following a giraffe named April for three weeks now. Her video popped up on my Facebook news feed and I got hooked. She's about to deliver a baby calf any day now, and I have been watching through a live video cam installed in her stall. I even joined a group called "Giraffe-Aholic Anonymous," that promises to send out notifications as soon as hoofs appear (the first sign that the calf is coming out). I must be out of my mind, but I'm not the only one, there are thousands of people watching and waiting to witness the impending birth.

We are all moved by the tender bond between a mother and child. I think that's the reason why April has become the most popular pregnant mother since Princess Kate of England was expecting Prince George. We all want to be the first to witness that love between mother and the calf she's been carrying on her womb for fifteen months.

I know that on Sunday, when I drop off Alex at the airport, I will return with a knot in my throat. It's inevitable. I don't fight it any more. Our job as parents is to teach them to fly and then allow them to leave the nest and fly on their own. But it's so hard because the bond between mother and child is unbreakable. Saying good-bye never gets easier.

I also know that the bond between You and us is also unbreakable. You have written our names on the palm of your hand. And You walk with us wherever we go. That's what makes it easier to let go of my babies. You carry them on the palm of your hand.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Letters to Heaven during Lent: Guide me

"He humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross." Philippians 2:8

Week 2: February 25, 2010

Dear Jesus:

By choosing the humiliation of the cross in reparation for pride, You taught us obedience. You spread out your arms for us and you are calling us to follow You. There is nothing we can't face that You haven't faced already. It's time to push our pride aside, take up our crosses, and obediently follow You wherever You want to lead us. It is in our weakness that You can make us strong.

I love You, Jesus. I'm sorry that You had to endure the humiliation of the cross for me. I'm sorry when I allow pride to blind me. Today, I humble myself in front of You. I will try to obey You. Lead me where You want me to go. Guide me.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Week 2: March 14, 2017

Dear Jesus:

The movie "The Passion" has always been very tough for me to watch. I saw it twice in the movies when it first came out, then I bought the DVD, and I have never been able to watch it again. Now, I'm doing a study on the movie so every week, I get to watch about twenty minutes. Watching it in small doses makes it a little bit easier, but I'm dreading this week because I'm pretty sure the next part of the movie will include the scourging at the pillar, one of the scenes that I recall being very difficult to watch.

Seeing Mama Mary by your side the entire time really touched me. She was first and foremost, your Mother. The pain that she had to endure by watching You suffer affected me tremendously. And to think that You went through it for us. The only thing I can compare that love to is the love that I feel for my own children. I guess that's the same kind of love that You feel for us. Probably, even bigger. And every time we sin, we nail You to the cross.

I'm sorry Jesus for all the times that I have failed to love You. I'm sorry for all the times that I have failed to do your will. I'm sorry Mama Mary that you also had to suffer so much because of me. Please forgive me.

Jesus, lead me in the path that I must follow. Guide my steps in the direction that will one day unite me to You. Walk beside me and take my hand. Jesus, guide me.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Letters to Heaven during Lent: Let It Be Your Will And Not Mine

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done." Luke 22:42

Second Week of Lent: March 17, 2011

Dear Jesus:

Three days in a row... Can't complaint. I've been giving You a lot of my time. 

Tonight, we went to have dinner with Rafi, Chabeli and Rafi's friends from Princeton who have been staying at our house for spring break. It's nice to be surrounded by college kids. I love talking to them. I love listening to their opinions.

While we were having dinner, Rafi received an e-mail from Google letting him know that he was moving onto the next stage of the interview process. I'm happy for him but once again, Jesus, I leave this in your hands. If Google is the right company for him, open the doors. If it is not, close them. He has also applied to Microsoft and Facebook. Lead him where he will do the best and be the happiest.

During this Lent, You are teaching me to "let it be your will and not mine." This is helping me to be more relaxed and to have less anxiety.

I love You, Jesus!!!

Second Week of Lent: March 12, 2017

Dear Jesus:

Six years later. Another spring break. This year it's Alex who is here surrounded by friends both from Miami and Connecticut. And I love it. I love to have a full house. Yesterday, he joined us with five friends from UConn and four friends from Belen. Today, he met up with other UConn friends and towards the end of the week, others will be staying at our house. This is officially our last college spring break. I'm relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved because the sleepless nights are coming to an end (or so I hope). Sad because my youngest is becoming an adult too fast.

One thing that I have not been able to overcome in six years is my anxiety. That is why during this Lent, I decided to give up worrying. And honestly, You are helping me to relax. On Friday night (or Saturday morning), Alex got home at 3 am. He sent me a text to let me know that he was home. I didn't even hear it or see it til I woke up at 8 am. Six years ago that would have seemed impossible. So I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go.

Just like Rafi six years ago, Alex is applying for a summer internship. Rafi did not receive an offer from Google but he ended up getting a very productive internship with Microsoft. Alex has only had one interview with Wells Fargo and he did not get an offer. I know that just like You did for his siblings, You will open up the door to the right company. Please, help me to trust You because I know that You have a plan for him. Teach me not to interfere with your plan. Let it be your will and not mine.

And help me to have a worry-free night since Alex is heading to South Beach tonight.

I love You, Jesus!!!