“An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 1:20
Good evening Lord.
Last night, after leaving Mary’s house, I came home with a broken heart. I hardly slept, thinking about the pain that I saw in Mary’s eyes. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. If she betrayed me, why did she look so innocent?
The more I thought about it, the more I “was convinced that what (is) happening in her (is from you) God. (I do) not know how the Child came to be in her womb, but (I cannot) doubt that Mary (is) pure or (at the very least, I must believe) that (you) God (are) at work in her. (However, even if I do) not doubt Mary, (I) doubt (my)self and (my) ability to be the husband of such a woman and the father of such a Child” (1).
At some point, I must have dozed off, and I felt as if I was floating. Then I saw a bright light, and an angel appeared to me. He said: “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” (2)
When I woke up, at first I doubted whether I should believe a dream. But then I remembered the stories that the rabbi would tell us in the synagogue, about how God would speak to our ancestors through dreams. I also realized that the peace that I was feeling at that moment was not of this world. Therefore, I did not doubt anymore. I grabbed my coat, and I ran all the way to Mary’s house because I needed to hug her.
Mary was sitting down by the window. “Mary!” I screamed. When she saw me, she ran to the door, and opened it.
“Joseph,” she said. My name in her lips sounded like the song of a blue jay. The music woke up in me all the memories of the love that we shared.
“Mary!” I ran towards her, and without saying another word, I hugged her. I felt like the earth once again was still, and I knew that Mary had been experiencing the same agony that I had.
Mary invited me to come in, and we shared a simple breakfast made up of fresh baked bread, milk and figs. Once we ate, I told her about the dream that I had during the night.
“I’ve hardly slept, Mary. But I must have dozed off, and I felt as if I was floating. Mary, I was happy, like the night when we sat outside your house to contemplate the moon and the stars, and I told you that you smelled like jasmine and lily of the valley.” Then I told her about the light, the angel, and his message.
“I still don’t understand, but my love for you is bigger than what my mind can comprehend. Help me to understand, Mary,” I said to her.
Mary told me that she knew that somehow I had to be part of the plan, and that I had been chosen by you, God, to be the earthly father of your Son. But she had to be patient, and allow you to reveal your plan to me in your own peculiar way. She resigned the whole matter into the hands of divine Providence. She said that although her compassion and her love for me made her anxious to console and comfort me, she had to wait and trust that the you, Lord, would make things right in your time, not ours.
It took an angel to reassure us both that you, God, had found a way. No human knowledge of science can explain such a thing. Only those who listen to angels’ voices can pierce that mystery. My worries were overcome by a revelation from an angel. The very words of the angel: “Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife,” made me believe the impossible, and in an act of supreme faith, I pushed fear aside, and I accepted the mystery.
I think that the reason why I was able to believe is because there was already in my heart a belief in the Messiah, Christ, who is to come. I knew that the Messiah would be born of the family of David, and I am of that family. I also knew of the prophecies concerning the Child, even the one of Isaiah that He would be born of a Virgin. Even though I don’t feel worthy of the task that you, God, have entrusted me with, I trust that you will provide the necessary tools for me to fulfill your desires.
Mary’s eyes, just like mine, were still red from all the tears that we both had shed in the previous days. My hands were shaking, but I felt such peace and love. I hugged Mary hard, and I felt that on this day, our love has reached perfection. She has finally become my spouse, because nothing unites two souls that love each other more than the sharing of a secret. Therefore, all anxiety and anguish now leave me, as my soul is filled with reverence and awe for the love of our secret, your Son, O God.
Today, your Child, our Child, united the three of us for all eternity.
Reflection:
Have I ever heard God talk to me in my dreams? How about in the silence of my heart? If I feel that I have heard God’s voice, do I pay attention or do I ignore it? What is God asking of me at this very moment?
Copyright © 2024 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.
References:
- “Just and Reverent Man” in Consecration to St. Joseph by Fr. Donald H. Calloway, page 160.
- Matthew 1:20-21
Resources from the following books are being used on this journey:
- The Mystical City of God: A Popular Abridgement of the Divine History and Live of the Virgin Mother of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda
- Consecration to St. Joseph by Fr. Donald H. Calloway
- Las Palabras Calladas: Diario de Maria de Nazaret by Pedro Miguel Lamet
All Bible references are from the New American Revised Edition Bible (NAREB) unless otherwise specified.
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