This past weekend we attended a wedding. I absolutely love weddings: the gathering of friends and family to celebrate such a joyful occasion. Both the bride and the groom have large families with nine aunts and uncles, and plenty of cousins to fill the entire ballroom. I managed to dance shoulder to shoulder for a while, but after someone almost opened a hole on my foot with a very sharp and skinny heel, I just had to sit down for a while. It was nice to witness the camaraderie between cousins, between grandparents and grandkids, between the parents and their siblings... Everyone was dancing together and just having the best time in the world. It was a big fat Cuban wedding and I loved every minute of it. It was sweeter than the cake itself because after all, extended families are the true frosting on the cake.
As an only child and grandchild, I did not enjoy a house full of siblings or first cousins. But what my parents and I lacked, my grandparents made up with dividends. Each of my four grandparents had plenty of siblings spread out through three different continents. And even though distance and circumstances prevented us from getting together as often as we would have liked, when we got together, it was as if we had seen each other the day before.
One of my abuelo Venancio's brothers lived in Camaguey, a province in Cuba about 300 miles from Havana. It was quite a distance in those days, especially in communist Cuba where moving around was not that simple. I only remember seeing them once in the seven years that I lived there. But this encounter is quite clear in my mind. I was returning from the park with my mom and we heard a lot of noise coming from our house. Our familia from Camaguey had shown up unannounced for a visit. Families do not need an invitation. Even if you have not seen each other in years, you just show up and you are welcome. Three little girls about my age were running from one end of the house to the other. Our home in Havana was long with a set of rooms connected by an outside balcony. The adults were in the living room talking and drinking coffee with my grandparents. I connected with these three little girls as if I had known them all my life. Two of them I only saw that one day. One passed away a few years ago from cancer and the other one still lives in Camaguey. But the third one, my cousin Belkys, won the "lottery" and was able to leave Cuba with her husband and two sons. Over the past fifteen years we have spent many holidays and celebrations together. And since then, Belkys' parents, brother and nephew have made their way to Miami. My extended family in Miami keeps growing by leaps and bounds.
In Spain, my extended family was even larger. I had five great-aunts and uncles on my maternal grandparents side that lived there. I stayed with one of these aunts for eight months after I arrived. It could have been awkward but it wasn't. After all, I had never met them. But she welcomed me into her home and into her heart as if she had always known me. My Tia Maruja reminded me so much of my grandmother that she was a welcome respite in my life. And she spoiled me the same way that my abuela used to spoil me. As sisters, they were cut out from the same fabric. My Tia Maruja and tio Andres had two daughters and a son. They were all in their twenties, just like my mom. And here comes this 7-year-old girl into their house and I became the center of their attention. I realize now how blessed I was. I have friends that do not have happy memories from living with aunts and uncles. Some of them have true horror stories, but that's a topic for another day. It could have turned out bad for me but it didn't. They were truly wonderful to me. My aunt and uncle have since passed away, but my three cousins are still around, all in their 70s with children and grandchildren of their own. I had the opportunity to visit them about 20 years ago with my husband and three children. It was wonderful. I'm long overdue for another visit.
Our extended families are the sweetest frosting on our cake. They provide the finishing touch to our core. Without them, our cake may taste good but something is definitely missing. They bring out the best and the worst in us. Just like frosting, they can be messy but sweet at the same time. Our celebrations would be dull and boring without them. We need the frosting to bring in the color, the flavors and the mess into our lives.
I'm so glad wedding season has just started. I have two more weddings in the next three weeks. I can't wait to witness another sweet and messy frosting of family and friends.
