My friend has a magnet in her refrigerator that says: "Sisters by Chance, Friends by Choice." Every time I read it, I feel happiness and jealousy at the same time. Happiness, because I love the relationship that they have, the friendship, the bond, how they can finish each other's sentences and how they know they have someone that they can count on no matter what. Jealousy because it makes me realize what I'm lacking, what I have been missing and what I have always longed for since I was little.
I landed in a very small family. Neither my father or mother have siblings and I grew up as an "only-child." Yes, I have two half brothers, but I left Cuba when they were just 21 and 4 months respectively, and I did not see them for over 25 years, so in essence, I didn't have any siblings growing up. And how I longed for them. I wanted to have siblings so badly that when I was about 8 years old, I had two imaginary sisters. I called them Ana and Luisa, and they were younger than me. They were the perfect sisters because we never quarreled, and since I was the oldest, I got to boss them around. It's a good thing this took place in the early 70s, otherwise, I would have been dragged to therapy for sure. But in the 60s and 70s, having imaginary siblings, was perfectly acceptable. And I outgrew all my imaginary relationships without any long term consequences. Even though my hubby would probably disagree.
In retrospect, I think it was normal that I longed so much to have a brother or sister because all my close friends came in pairs: Tere & Dulce, Ani & Lily, Lourdes & Leonardo, Ana Mari & M. Luisa, M. Jose & Inmaculada, Jorge & Oqui... No wonder I felt left out. During the day, we all played together, but when it was time to go home, they left in pairs and I had to go home by myself. Oh, how I prayed for a little brother or sister, but my prayers were not answered.
It pains me when I see siblings that don't get along. They don't realize what they are throwing away. A sibling plays a unique role that is irreplaceable. They share something in common, the same parents, which for most is the most precious relationship. And when those parents are gone, the sibling relationship should be the closest relationship, and yet, that is not always the case. In many cases, siblings don't get along because they felt that their parents played favorites. That can cause a lot of resentment among siblings. And it's sad, because at the end of the day, it was the parents' fault and yet, the blame is placed on the favored child, as if he or she had anything to do with it. But many carry this resentment throughout their entire lifetime, thus damaging what should be one of the most sacred relationships.
When siblings truly care about each other, the mutual benefits are tremendous. They can help each other out, they can divide the responsibilities of caring for their aging parents, their children can grow up together and have a special bond as cousins, and it will have a positive impact on their health. I read somewhere that the way a person feels about their siblings has a direct impact on their mood, health, morale, stress, depression, loneliness and satisfaction about life in general.
So if by chance life blessed you with at least one sibling, it is your choice to nurture that bond. If your relationship has fallen apart over the years, put aside your pride and take the first step towards communication. Families are complicated but at the end of the day, they are our greatest gift. Friendships come and go but we are stuck with our families for a lifetime. We are all part of the same family tree. And other than your parent, who else knows you better than your brother or sister?
We don't choose our family nor the size of our family. Some of us are born into very large families and some of us are born into very small families. The siblings we end up with, whether ten, five, one or zero, it's pure chance. Some of us have a mix of brothers and sisters, some end up with just brothers and others end up with just sisters. We don't have a say in the matter, but how we cultivate those relationships is purely our choice. I know siblings that are best friends and I also know siblings that don't even talk to each other.
I landed in a very small family. Neither my father or mother have siblings and I grew up as an "only-child." Yes, I have two half brothers, but I left Cuba when they were just 21 and 4 months respectively, and I did not see them for over 25 years, so in essence, I didn't have any siblings growing up. And how I longed for them. I wanted to have siblings so badly that when I was about 8 years old, I had two imaginary sisters. I called them Ana and Luisa, and they were younger than me. They were the perfect sisters because we never quarreled, and since I was the oldest, I got to boss them around. It's a good thing this took place in the early 70s, otherwise, I would have been dragged to therapy for sure. But in the 60s and 70s, having imaginary siblings, was perfectly acceptable. And I outgrew all my imaginary relationships without any long term consequences. Even though my hubby would probably disagree.
In retrospect, I think it was normal that I longed so much to have a brother or sister because all my close friends came in pairs: Tere & Dulce, Ani & Lily, Lourdes & Leonardo, Ana Mari & M. Luisa, M. Jose & Inmaculada, Jorge & Oqui... No wonder I felt left out. During the day, we all played together, but when it was time to go home, they left in pairs and I had to go home by myself. Oh, how I prayed for a little brother or sister, but my prayers were not answered.
It pains me when I see siblings that don't get along. They don't realize what they are throwing away. A sibling plays a unique role that is irreplaceable. They share something in common, the same parents, which for most is the most precious relationship. And when those parents are gone, the sibling relationship should be the closest relationship, and yet, that is not always the case. In many cases, siblings don't get along because they felt that their parents played favorites. That can cause a lot of resentment among siblings. And it's sad, because at the end of the day, it was the parents' fault and yet, the blame is placed on the favored child, as if he or she had anything to do with it. But many carry this resentment throughout their entire lifetime, thus damaging what should be one of the most sacred relationships.
When siblings truly care about each other, the mutual benefits are tremendous. They can help each other out, they can divide the responsibilities of caring for their aging parents, their children can grow up together and have a special bond as cousins, and it will have a positive impact on their health. I read somewhere that the way a person feels about their siblings has a direct impact on their mood, health, morale, stress, depression, loneliness and satisfaction about life in general.
I outgrew my need for a sibling, even though once in a while I still feel the longing. But what God didn't give me in siblings, He more than made up in friendships. He also blessed me with a husband that has quite an extended family. And I have witnessed first hand the relationship between siblings through my three children. I've had a front row seat for the past 27 years and I must say that having a sibling is truly a gift and a blessing.
So if by chance life blessed you with at least one sibling, it is your choice to nurture that bond. If your relationship has fallen apart over the years, put aside your pride and take the first step towards communication. Families are complicated but at the end of the day, they are our greatest gift. Friendships come and go but we are stuck with our families for a lifetime. We are all part of the same family tree. And other than your parent, who else knows you better than your brother or sister?
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