My very first favorite movie was "Sleeping Beauty." I watched it for the first time in a Cuban theater, which was a rare treat in 1960s Cuba. I absolutely felt in love with Aurora, the three fairy godmothers and most importantly, the prince that came to rescue the sleeping princess. I have been a romantic at heart since I was a little girl. Even to this day, I'm a sucker for Hallmark movies, and I can spend hours reading romantic novels.
The first time that I thought I was in love, I was just eleven-years-old. I loved him with all the passion of my pre-teen heart. I thought it was very serious, until I met a cuter boy at 12. And then, I kept a very long log of all the boys that I liked, an average of one every three months. When I turned 16, I had my first serious crush which lasted about two years. It ended with a broken heart, but it opened the door for someone much better.
I met my husband when I was 18. At the time, I was still pining for my lost love so I didn't pay much attention to him. We became good friends before Cupid hit us with his arrow. By this time, I had decided that I was wasting my time waiting for my ex-boyfriend to return. And I made the conscious decision that my next love was going to be my choice. I set the bar high: tall and good looking was first on my list; he had to have an education or be in the process of getting one; he had to be Catholic and preferably practicing; a large family was a plus, since mine was so small; he had to be outgoing, a good dancer and smart. He also had to be a gentleman, generous, honest, thoughtful, sensitive and a good friend. And with this list, I set out to find the perfect potential husband, not realizing that he was right in front of my nose.
My eyes were opened during a Valentine's dance we attended in 1981. I was talking to some friends when I heard, "there's Fifo." I turned around and for the first time I saw him on a whole different light. I had gotten used to seeing him with glasses but that night, for the first time, he was wearing contacts. I thought to myself, "he's pretty handsome." I guess he noticed me too beyond the friendship because a few days later he asked me out on a date. In May, I asked him to my prom and the rest is history. We married three years later and this month we are celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary.
I have been thinking a lot about our wedding lately, probably because we have attended three weddings in the last month. I always feel that weddings are magical. There’s such joy, excitement, and anticipation with weddings. The brides are beautiful, and the grooms are nervous and excited. It’s a gathering of family and friends for a celebration of love and life. I always tear up at weddings; I simply can’t help it. That is why I just can't wear mascara.
The first time that I thought I was in love, I was just eleven-years-old. I loved him with all the passion of my pre-teen heart. I thought it was very serious, until I met a cuter boy at 12. And then, I kept a very long log of all the boys that I liked, an average of one every three months. When I turned 16, I had my first serious crush which lasted about two years. It ended with a broken heart, but it opened the door for someone much better.
I met my husband when I was 18. At the time, I was still pining for my lost love so I didn't pay much attention to him. We became good friends before Cupid hit us with his arrow. By this time, I had decided that I was wasting my time waiting for my ex-boyfriend to return. And I made the conscious decision that my next love was going to be my choice. I set the bar high: tall and good looking was first on my list; he had to have an education or be in the process of getting one; he had to be Catholic and preferably practicing; a large family was a plus, since mine was so small; he had to be outgoing, a good dancer and smart. He also had to be a gentleman, generous, honest, thoughtful, sensitive and a good friend. And with this list, I set out to find the perfect potential husband, not realizing that he was right in front of my nose.
My eyes were opened during a Valentine's dance we attended in 1981. I was talking to some friends when I heard, "there's Fifo." I turned around and for the first time I saw him on a whole different light. I had gotten used to seeing him with glasses but that night, for the first time, he was wearing contacts. I thought to myself, "he's pretty handsome." I guess he noticed me too beyond the friendship because a few days later he asked me out on a date. In May, I asked him to my prom and the rest is history. We married three years later and this month we are celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary.
I have been thinking a lot about our wedding lately, probably because we have attended three weddings in the last month. I always feel that weddings are magical. There’s such joy, excitement, and anticipation with weddings. The brides are beautiful, and the grooms are nervous and excited. It’s a gathering of family and friends for a celebration of love and life. I always tear up at weddings; I simply can’t help it. That is why I just can't wear mascara.
When we got married we had a pretty tight budget. One of my biggest regrets is not splurging on a video. Now we have to rely on our memories and the pictures to remember our big day. But it's engraved in my mind like a movie playing over and over again. It was truly a celebration of love, friendship and life. All our friends and family were there, a whooping 300 guests. The invitation was only for the church ceremony. It didn't mention a reception because we simply couldn't afford it. In the end, we decided to offer hors d'oeuvres after the ceremony. So when the mass ended, the guests were invited to proceed to the parish hall. At the time, I was working at a travel agency and the owner gave us some cases of wine as a gift. I'm not sure how the wine multiplied to satisfy all the guests. It was either a repeat of the miracle at Cana or the fact that the wine tasted like mouthwash so after trying it, nobody went for seconds. But in spite of our very tight budget, our pictures are testimony of the joy we felt that day and of how much fun we had celebrating with the people that we loved the most. There was little food but a lot of partying and dancing. And I thank God every day that we are still walking together on this journey called marriage.
I could say that I married my soul mate but I don't believe that there is a soul mate out there for everyone. I believe that finding the right mate is a conscious choice that each person has to make. We can choose to believe in Disney fairy tales all our lives or we can choose to find the person that compliments us the best. Rafael doesn't meet every quality that I wrote on my list but he has the qualities that truly matter: he is honest, sensitive, generous and a gentleman (once in a while). And I definitely married my best friend. He is the first person I call when I have to share good news or bad news. He is the one that holds my hand when I'm sad and hugs me when I cry.
Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. Marriage is a 100/100 compromise. Each person has to give 100% or it will fail. It took us a while to realize that. Until we did, our marriage was pretty rocky because it was a competition. We always felt that we were giving more than the other one. And it became a struggle in our home. "You are not doing enough..." was a daily litany. When we finally realized that our marriage was an equal partnership and that we each had to give it our all, we began to live in harmony. And even in this harmony, once in a while we are out of tune with each other. We've had our share of issues and plenty of fights. But when we said our vows on June 29, 1984, we meant them for life. We knew that we were entering into a sacrament with God and with each other. So it will take a lot more than a discordant note in our path to break us apart.
So even though I still enjoy watching Disney and Hallmark movies, I know deep inside that love is more than a fairy tale. Every day, I choose to love my husband with all his qualities and flaws. I chose him 32 years ago and if I had to do it all over again, I would choose him again.
"I choose you to love and to hold today and forever." Music & Lyrics by Dante Bantatua
No comments:
Post a Comment