“You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.”
Sarah Young, November 29th Meditation from “Jesus Calling”
“What has been the worst year in your life?” When asked this question, the year that immediately comes to my mind is 2009. That was the year when our lives were turned upside down. It was the year when being awake in the middle of the night became the norm rather than the exception. It was the year when we had to cancel the three trips that we had planned: Maryland to attend our cousin’s graduation from the US Naval Academy, a wedding in New York, and our 25th wedding anniversary trip to Turks and Caicos. That was also the year where we spent many days meeting with doctors, and visiting a hospital with restricted visits. And that was the year where our son was not able to finish his school year. It sounds very familiar. Our 2009 is what 2020 has turned out to be for most people.
Yes, 2020 has been the year when everyone’s lives have been turned upside down. It’s the year when sleep evades us because we are filled with anxiety. Most people have had to cancel their travel plans this year. We also had plans: a trip to Germany and Austria in the spring, and a trip to Argentina in the fall. Both have been cancelled. 2020 has been the year where many people have had to visit a doctor, or where many have had loved ones in the hospital without being able to visit them. It’s also been the year where all students were not able to finish their school year in a classroom.
But for me, as bad as 2020 has turned out to be, 2009 was still ten times worst. That was the year when our son was diagnosed with a mental disorder. We had to withdraw him from school less than one month before he could complete his sophomore year in the university. He spent one week in a hospital in New Jersey that specialized in mental disorders. My husband had to jump on a plane to go be with him, only to find out that he was only able to visit him two hours per day. After one week, we were able to bring him to Miami. He had doctor visits three times a week for the next six months. And I went with him to most of those visits.
There were days when I lost all hope. I did not know if we would be able to save him. I felt that I was losing my son. And it was the first time that I recall being so angry at God. I kept asking Him, “Why? Why? Why?” And I could not hear Him answer me. I felt like He had turned His back on us.
But even though I could not see it, God was working underneath the surface. He had a special plan for my son, and He also had a plan for me. As He was putting us through the fire, He was preparing us to help out in an area where He needed a lot of help.
Today, my son is not afraid to speak up about his mental illness. He has participated in national conferences where he has spoken in front of hundreds of people about what happened to him. He has been part of panels where he has spoken about mental illness, and where he has brought hope to others that are going through what he went through. He is not cured, but he has learned to manage his illness, and in the process, he is helping others by bringing them hope through his testimony.
I also learned a lot about mental illness on that fateful 2009. I read every book that I could get my hands on. I did a lot of research about bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. And I got involved with an organization in Miami that was just starting out. At first, I joined them because I needed support. Now, eleven years later, I’m still involved because I have realized that there are so many parents that need support. Little did I know that my worst year would turn into such a blessing because both my son and I would be able to help so many others that had lost hope. I am currently reading a book titled “Crazy: A Father’s Search Through America’s Mental Health Madness” by Pete Earley. The more I read, the more I realize how blessed we were in 2009. That entire year, God was working underneath the surface. When I thought that He had turned His back on us, He was carrying us.
That is why, as I traverse through this 2020, and I hear people say, “Where is God in all this? Why would He allow this pandemic?” I tell them: “Don’t despair. God has a plan. He has not abandoned us. He is very much present in our lives. We can only see the surface, but He is working underneath the surface. And He is carrying us.”
Copyright © 2020 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.
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