"Be still and know that I am God!" Psalm 46:10
May 19, 2009
Dear Jesus:
I feel like I'm riding on a rollercoaster. One day, I'm at the bottom, it's a straight ride without curves or drops, so I feel at peace. The next day, I'm climbing up the steep track, trembling with fear. Please, grant me the inner peace that I was feeling just three days ago. Today, I am feeling overwhelmed, dealing with all the turmoil that is going on right now in my life: Rafi's illness, the plumbing disaster, plus all the other little issues.
I feel like my life has spiraled out of control. I need peace to reign once more. All these unexpected events have caused fear to take hold of my heart. I am terrified that I will not be capable of handling it all.
What can I do, Jesus? I need your help. I cannot handle all this on my own. I need to regain the peace that I used to feel not so long ago. I need to stop. I need to be still. I need to feel You and hear your voice in the silence of my heart.
The problem is that there is a lot of noise going on right now. They are drilling the floor to reach the broken pipeline, and it feels like the entire house is shaking. That is exactly how I feel. I feel like my whole life is shaking. My foundation is trembling.
I need to breathe. I'm gasping for air. I need to stop and take a deep breath. The world may collapse around me but my soul needs to remain intact. As long as You are within me, all is well.
Please Jesus, stay with me. Remain within me. Do not abandon me, even when I don't even feel the energy to pray. I feel such spiritual desolation. I want to cry. I want to scream. I feel like everything going on around me is negative. All the news is bad news.
I need to remove myself from all this negativity. I need to shift my mind towards happy thoughts. I need to concentrate on the positive and believe with all my heart that things will be better soon. I need to release all my worries to You, Jesus, and trust that You will make things better for my family soon.
I need to be still to allow your peace to fill my soul.
I love You, Jesus!!!
June 27, 2017
Dear Jesus:
Life is a rollercoaster. Some days are peaceful and others are turbulent. But when we are still and allow You to fill our souls, we can find peace. I slept very little that summer of 2009. But I also became very close to You. You helped me to quiet my anxious mind. I prayed a lot, and I learned to trust You. There were days that I felt so overwhelmed that I didn't think I could walk another step, but You carried me. You knew that I was the root of my family and therefore I had to be strong for all of them. I could not crumble or we would all perish.
When I look back and I think of those days, I can clearly see how You were guiding my steps. I remember the morning when I left Rafi at that hospital in Ft. Lauderdale for an evaluation. I was told that the evaluation would take two hours, so I decided to go for a ride. I was beyond myself. I wanted to drive my car straight into the ocean. But I prayed for your guidance and decided to turn around and go back to the hospital. I took a left turn and found myself in the parking lot of a Catholic Church, St. Pious. I decided to stop to pray. I parked the car, grabbed my rosary hanging from the rearview mirror, and walked up to the church. The door was locked. I walked all the way around the church to see if there was another way in, and I came upon a statue of Our Lady of Lourdes with St. Bernardette. There was a waterfall, a stream of water on the ground, rocks, a garden... It was very pretty and peaceful. I just stood in front of your mother and began to cry. I wanted to talk to her, but the words just wouldn't come. I needed comfort and the peace that comes from knowing that everything is going to be fine. And I got that.
Thank You, Jesus, for guiding my steps to your Mother. You knew how much I needed her at that moment. Thank You for teaching me to be still in your presence. Thank You for giving me your peace which allowed me to survive a very turbulent rollercoaster ride.
I love You, Jesus!!!
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