The first time that I attended the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, a 4-day silent retreat, I learned about the concept of consolation and desolation. This is what I wrote on my journal that weekend back in 2007:
Consolation are those moments when we feel the presence of God. We are overwhelmed with the power of God. We are so close to God that we feel Him in everything. Desolation is the complete opposite. We feel dry. We can't focus. God feels a million miles away. Desolation is a terrible feeling.
The novice thinks that consolation must come from God and desolation must come from the devil. Not true. The source of all consolation is God but desolation may also come from God. He may be using it as a tool to get our attention. When things are going well, we sometimes forget about God and thus, God turns off the faucet. He allows the desolation, the spiritual dryness, so that we can be reminded that He is the source of all goodness. Another reason why desolation occurs may be that God provokes it to call our attention to something He wants us to do different.
Our God is a jealous God. He provokes the desolation so that we give Him a little bit more of our time. God says: "It's easy to remain faithful to me when everything is going fine but how about when things turn around?" Being faithful and committed during those times of desolation is much more significant. We learn to appreciate God more because we have to work harder. We go through a purging or purification process. There's no ulterior motive. If we stick to it, it's because we have a pure desire to the commitment we have made.
One person that suffered through a huge period of desolation was St. Teresa of Calcutta. We learned about this after her death when her letters to her spiritual director were published. She felt that God had abandoned her. And yet, she never stopped serving the poor. Even though she felt like God had turned His back on her, she stuck to the commitment that she had made.
As this year 2016 comes to an end, I find myself in a huge stage of desolation. I know that God has not abandoned me, but I'm just having a hard time feeling Him nearby. This year has been a pretty tough year in more ways than one. Yesterday, I wrote in my journal my summary of 2016. I tried to concentrate on the blessings, because even though there was a lot of pain in 2016, there was also a lot to be thankful for. I am surrounded by wonderful and amazing people. My family and my friends are the best gifts that God has ever given me. This past year most of my meditations were about relationships. It was not an easy subject, but I learned a lot from it and it helped me to realize how blessed I am.
As we enter 2017, I'm going to share some letters that I have written to heaven through the years. I hope that as I go back in time, I will find the consolation that I'm seeking and I begin to feel God by my side once again. I know that He wants me to continue writing, but I feel that He has turned off the faucet of inspiration. I will stick to my commitment and hopefully, soon enough, I will see clearly what it is He wants from me.
Goodbye 2016. I pray that 2017 comes full of blessings for all.
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