Letters to Heaven: Mama Mary, Teach me to Trust like You

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6–7

January 27, 2010

Dear Mama Mary:

It's been a while since I have addressed you directly. I have you in my heart and in my thoughts all the time. I have prayed plenty of Hail Mary's in the past nine months, but I have not written you a letter in a very long time.

I am anxious. My heart is filled with worry. Rafi returns to Princeton tomorrow. His journey in Princeton has been anything but simple. It's been rocky and rough, full of curves, bumps, hills and valleys. Please Mother, continue to take care of him. I know you were with him during both hospitalizations. I know that you didn't abandon him. You stayed by his side until I got there. You interceded for him with your Son Jesus. I ask you one more time to look out for him. Please protect him.

Mama Mary, I admire you so much. How did you withstand the pain? How were you able to survive the anguish of seeing your Son on the cross? How were you able to keep your anxiety under control? The only thing I can think of is that you kept your eyes on God. You trusted Him fully and that helped you to keep your fear without taking control of your life. Your life was filled with trust in God. You became his instrument. You did not question him, you just obeyed him. Mama Mary, teach me to trust like you.

I must trust God fully, even when I don't understand. I am worried and I am afraid, but I must trust God. I know in my heart that He has Rafi's best interest in His heart and that if He is leading him back to Princeton is because that's where He wants him to be. I have faith that God knows what He is doing and my role is to submit to His plan, just like you submitted to His plan 2,000 years ago.

Rafi is not mine. He belongs to God. Just like Jesus was not yours. He belonged to the Father. God gave Rafi to me to raise him and to take care of him for a few years. Now, I must release him to God so His plan can be manifested in him. I don't understand what God's plan is exactly, but I trust and release him to God. 

Please Mama Mary, help me to develop patience, understanding, confidence and trust. Help me to listen to God's voice just like you did. Mama Mary, lead me to your Son. Teach me to trust. And please, protect my children when I'm far away from them.

I love you, Mama Mary!!!

January 27, 2017

Dear Mama Mary:

Life is so much easier when we allow God to take charge. And yet, releasing my children into His hands is probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do as a mother. I keep this anxious grip on them, ALL the time. And He has shown me, over and over again, that He has their best interest at heart. He desires their happiness just as much as I do. He protects them even more than I possibly could. Every time they have fallen, He has caught them. He will never abandon them.

Of course, I'm preaching to the choir because you, Mama Mary, know this better than anyone. You knew that God would take care of my Rafi when he returned to Princeton. And you also knew that's where he needed to be. Even though his first two years were marked with severe health issues, the last two were filled with graces. He met Emily, his soon-to-be wife. He changed career paths and found his passion in Computer Engineering. He graduated with a great job offer. And next year, he will return to Princeton to get married there.

I have learned, with your help, that we have to let go of our fears, trust God, and release our children into His hands. He will always catch them because they belong to Him. And you have shown me, that you are always by their side. When I'm not present, you are. You always protect them.

Thank you, Mama Mary!!! I love you with all my heart!!!