Letters to Heaven: Teach me to Trust You

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. Psalm 56:3–4

January 4, 2016

Dear Jesus:

Here I am, once again, experiencing sleepless nights. It's 4:30 am and I have been awake for over an hour. I continue to worry too much. I tried to go back to sleep by using some relaxation techniques of body and mind but to no avail. I couldn't fall asleep again.

I read the words of St. Pope John Paul II: "Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."

And yet, I still worry about all sorts of things that I don't have the ability to do anything about. If I truly had faith in You and I placed all things in Your hands, why should I worry about anything? And yet, I worry, worry, worry. Am I offending You by my lack of confidence in You?

I understand that all these fears and worries mean that I don't fully trust You. I want to be in charge and in control, and I just can't. Most of my worries revolve around my kids. But I have no control over my kids, their actions or their decisions. I need to let go and let You handle them. I need to let You take care of them.

Please Jesus, keep my children in the path of righteousness. Help them see how important it is to follow You and to follow the GPS within their hearts: God's Plan of Salvation.

Please Jesus, teach me to trust You completely. Help me to stop worrying. Take away my fears.

I love You, Jesus!

January 4, 2017

Dear Jesus:

One year later and not much has changed. Here I am writing You another letter at 4:30 am. What is it with me and these sleepless nights? I've been awake since 3:15. After tossing and turning for over an hour, I just gave up. I'm going to watch one of those cheesy Hallmark movies that I love so much. Maybe it will make me fall sleep.

6:15 am: Still here. I just finished watching "A Rose for Christmas." Unfortunately, it wasn't boring, which means I'm still awake. A phrase in the movie caught my attention: "My life is my family, everything else is window dressing." So true. Family is the most important thing in my life, after You, of course. But the love I feel for them goes hand in hand with how much I worry about them. Love and worry, in equal doses.

Well, my alarm just went off. I'm supposed to spend half an hour with You. I guess today You wanted me to give You more time. I think I'm going to pray a rosary to your Mother, my Mother. Maybe she will teach me to trust You more and worry less.

I love You, Jesus!