Letters to Heaven: I Can Only Imagine

“I am a seagull, of no land,

I call no shore my home,
I am bound to no place,
I fly from wave to wave.”
~ Empress Elisabeth of Austria, North Sea Songs 7, 1885

October 6, 2014

Dear Jesus:

Last weekend was very tough. Danny, one of Alex's friends from middle school, passed away. He was hit by a car two weeks ago in Tallahassee. He spent a week in a medically induced comma to keep the swelling in his brain down, but in the end, You took him home to heaven.

On that same day, Alex called me to tell me that Kevin, one of his friends from UConn, had been in a car accident. His truck rolled four times. Kevin had a broken neck and internal bleeding in his head. He had to undergo surgery. Alex was sobbing. He had one friend in Tallahassee that was dying, and another one in critical condition in Hartford. I later found out that Alex was supposed to be in the truck with Kevin. They were going to a football game in Hartford, but Alex was not ready so Kevin left without him. Thank You, Jesus, for sending an angel to hold Alex back.

Kevin is recovering, thank You, Jesus. Dealing with the death of one friend was tough enough. Two friends would have been too much. Alex came home to attend the funeral services. We attended the viewing on Saturday night. Alex returned to UConn today in the morning. After I dropped him off, I went to the resurrection mass. It was very tough, but at the same time, it was beautiful.

These past two years I have experienced death very closely, from the death of a 3-month-old to the death of my 84-year-old in-laws. In these two years, I have visited funeral homes at an average of one per month. Therefore, I have been reflecting a lot about death. Death does not discriminate. We all have an expiration date, we just don't know when that date is.

A few years ago, I was asked: "What is your biggest fear?" My answer was immediate: "My biggest fear is to lose a child." That is still my biggest fear, but something has changed. I used to be afraid of death itself. I am no longer afraid. When my day comes, I won't be afraid. However, I still hope to go before my children because no parent should ever have to go through the pain of losing a child.

What has changed? I guess I used to see death as the end. Yes, I believed in heaven, but I still saw death as an end. The end of life here on earth. But now, I don't see death as the end anymore. Now I see death as a beginning. It's the beginning of our life in heaven. The beginning of our life with You.

Someone told me recently that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spirits having a human experience. How beautiful and how true. When we look at our lives that way, we should not be afraid. If we think of ourselves as spiritual beings instead of human beings, we cannot fear death because death will simply transform us back into our normal being.

I love one of the songs that was chosen for Danny's mass. "I can only imagine what it will be like when I come face to face with You, Jesus. Will I sing, will I dance, or will I be still in awe of You?" I would like to imagine myself singing or dancing with joy. But since I'm not musically inclined, must likely I will be still in awe of You. I can only imagine what a beautiful moment that will be. And when it happens, I will be ready. But please, and I know that I'm being selfish, don't take my children first. I want to be there already, waiting for them.I love You, Jesus!!!

October 6, 2017

Dear Jesus:

As a little girl growing up in Spain, I was in love with Sissi Emperatriz (Empress Sissi of Austria). I read her books and loved her story. Of course, what I read was more fantasy than reality. Yesterday, I visited the Hafsburg Palace which contains the Sissi Museum and the apartments where she once lived. Her story is as tragic as can be, a 19th century version of Princess Diana with the only difference that in Sissi's case, she was truly loved by her husband. She became more famous after she died, which is the case with many people. Their lives become legends.

On this trip, we have visited the tombs of kings, queens, emperors and empresses. We have also visited the tombs of saints and others that have played an important part of history. One church we visited, contained remains of unknown Christians that were martyred in Vienna during the Roman Empire. And we went to a cemetery that contains the remains of almost 3,000 Jews that died of hunger and exposure during the Soviet occupation in Hungary.

Jesus, You created the earth billions of years ago. According to Google, 108 billion people have populated the earth. That's a lot of people that have died and gone to the other side. The majority will not make it into the history books. They will be forgotten by humanity but not by You. Each soul that has inhabited this earth is part of your garden, and even though not everyone makes it to heaven, You love them just the same.

Even if most of us will be known only to our families and our small communities of friends and faith, we each have a purpose in Your Kingdom. We are all laborers in your garden. We have to plant seeds of faith and hope. We may never see the plants and flowers in full bloom, but we trust You, the gardener, to continue cultivating them even after we are gone.

Even if our life here on earth is short lived, like Danny's was, we each come with a mission. It's best to complete it as soon as possible just in case we run out of time. I can only imagine, what it will be like, when my mission is completed and I come face to face with You.

I love You, Jesus!!!