Give them Wings and Set them Free

“Fly high, in the sky, go and spread your wings, my children. I your mother, will always have your back, to catch you when you fall, to hold you when you feel weak. Achieve those dreams, of yours, which I could think, but could never achieve.” Author Unknown

I was recently having a conversation with one of my closest friends, almost sister, who lives in Spain. Her daughter left to Australia in 2019 for one year. She has yet to return. Between the pandemic and falling in love, her one-year adventure has turned into an indefinite one. My friend just returned from visiting, broken-hearted because she doesn’t see her returning to Spain. I was trying to console her since I’m almost on the same boat, even though I do not have to travel for 27 hours to visit my kids. I told her, in my feeble attempt to console her, that we bring up our kids for the world, not for us. “If we give them wings to fly, we have to set them free,” I said to her.

Easier said than done. I know that part of the reason why I have been feeling so desolate lately is because all my chicks have moved away from Miami. The pandemic has not helped because it has limited our ability to get together. Last Christmas was the perfect example. We were all getting together in New York, and we had to cancel our plans at the last minute. We have not been able to have a full-family gathering since the beginning of 2021. And nothing brings more joy to my heart than gathering all my kids in the same place at the same time. We tried to do it for my 60th birthday and it didn’t work out. Our next attempt will be this coming Thanksgiving. 

I just returned from visiting all three of them separately. I spent four days in New York with my oldest, his wife and 9-month-old grandson. From there, I hopped to Charlotte to visit the two youngest who decided to make the Queen City their permanent home in 2021. Seeing them so happy, helped me to feel happy too. I recently read and wrote down the following quote: “you’re incredibly brave to choose the hard decision, to make the choice that hurts now because you want what’s best in the long term.” When my daughter told me that she had decided to move to Charlotte, I wanted to dissuade her from her decision. But then I thought about myself. If I had one thing to do over in my life, it’s that I would have been bolder, taken more chances, and worried less about what everyone else thought or said to me. I just couldn’t hold her back. I always knew that as a mom the hardest thing for me would be to let go. But the most important thing was to give them wings and set them free. My daughter blind-sided me because she never wanted to leave Miami during her college years, so I expected her to stay in Miami forever. But after seeing her settled and so happy in Charlotte, I knew that I had done the right thing by allowing her to fly.

It didn’t help when my youngest also decided to move, even though I expected it from him more than from her. “At least they are both in the same town,” I keep telling myself. When I asked my daughter recently, “Who’s going to be your maid of honor?” and she responded, “I don’t know because Alex is my best friend,” my heart swelled with joy. Living together without additional family or friends has truly bonded them.

I have returned feeling more joyful than I have felt in the longest time. My kids may not be a 15-minute car ride away like they used to be, but they are happy. They are fully independent. They are all in love with partners that really care about them. They all have embraced the cities where they now live. And all I have to do if I become a bit desolate because I miss them is hop on a plane. In three hours I will be in New York, and in two hours I will be in Charlotte.

Last night, I slept an interrupted night for the very first time in months. When we go to sleep with a sense of hope, we can sleep well and wake up fully refreshed. A hope-filled mind removes all the anxiety from our hearts. This peaceful heart allows us to look at the future with hope and joy, knowing that it all will work out according to God’s plan.

I feel bad for my friend because in her case, seeing her daughter takes a 27-hour trip to the other side of the world. But I told her, “when you retire, you can spend six months in Australia and six months in Spain.” And who knows what plans God has for her daughter. All we have to do is place our children in God’s hands and trust with hope that He has their best interest at heart. As long as they are happy, we should be happy too, because we gave them wings and set them free.

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