Hope is on My Mind

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.” Isaiah 40:31

My prayer list for cancer patients keeps getting longer and longer. It’s pretty scary. I practically add someone to my list on a weekly basis. Either I know too many people, or this horrific illness is affecting more and more people. 

Even though hope was my only resolution for 2022, I have been experiencing a big case of hopelessness. I have been struggling to keep my mind and my heart open to hope, but on many days, when I see so much pain all around me, I have succumbed, and allowed despair to take over my heart and control my mind. 

I have a dear friend that is approaching her last days. She has been battling cancer for many years, and she’s on the edge of losing the fight. It breaks my heart every time I think of her. She’s exactly one year younger than I am since she was born two days before my first birthday. We met when we were 15 and 16, and since then, our lives have always been intertwined. We met through Encuentros Juveniles (Youth Encounters). We then crossed paths at FIU when we were both studying Accounting. We were both part of a monthly prayer group, which began before we were married, and continued long after we had children. Her mother-in-law took care of her kids and mine. We shared birthday parties and motherly advice. We helped out in Camino del Matrimonio (marriage retreats). We were neighbors for 25 years. And most recently, we joined forces to help people with mental illness, something close to both our hearts for different reasons. Elyna has been such a big part of the last 44 years of my life, that I cannot imagine a future without her. 

As we journey through life, we are always being pulled in two different directions: the world and God. We are born to live and die, but the world makes us think that we can live forever. And we cannot. There is only one truth: if we are born, we will die one day. Our lives here on earth are not eternal. The world doesn’t want us to think about that, though, so we are constantly bombarded to have more, to be more, to stay young forever, to achieve power, to stay healthy, etc. If we fall into this trap, we will feel discouraged when we realize that the calendar doesn’t stop. We will get old, we will get sick, we cannot take what we have acquired materially with us, power doesn’t last forever and so on.

One of the things that is helping me with my feelings of discouragement is to focus on positive things. It’s easy to just see the darkness because that is what we are being bombarded with on a daily basis. It makes us think that the gap between pain and joy is very large, but it is not. Yes, our lives can change from joy to pain in an instant, but we do not need to remain in the pain forever. I have had moments of immeasurable pain, but I have also had moments of incredible joy. The One that has helped me to close the gap between both is God. He stands in the gap. If I fill the gap in my heart with God’s presence, He can transform my pain into joy, and my despair into hope. And when hope is on my mind, peace reigns in my heart. 

If we live our lives with faith, we may have moments of hopelessness, but eventually, we will feel hopeful again. Hope has a name. It’s Jesus. The world makes you hope for the best, but only God offers the best hope. Hope is the promise that Jesus left us after He resurrected. He left us the hope that there is something better after this life.

But hope for me is like black coffee. I cannot drink black coffee straight. I have to conceal my caffeine with caramel or vanilla, and a large dose of sugar. I do the same with hope. I conceal it with false promises from the world. The world promises are like sugar. They sound sweet and rewarding. But even if I conceal the strong taste of black coffee with sugar, the caffeine is still present. So when I fill my mind with all these worldly additives, eventually, the anxiety sets in. I cannot sleep at night, just like I cannot sleep if I drink too much coffee. The world just gives me a fleeting sense of hope, but true hope cannot be found in the world. It can only be found in God.

When I feel hopeless, I also turn to Mary and Joseph. They are both to me a sign of hope. If someone had every reason to feel despair, it was Mary and Joseph, but they always kept their eyes on Jesus, and their hope in God. On one of my last conversations with Elyna, when she decided to stop chemo, she told me that she was not afraid of dying because she had faith. When I told her that I would pray for a miracle, she told me not to pray for a miracle for her. She said that she was offering her suffering for a young mother that had cancer. According to her, this young mother needed the miracle more than she did. I was blown away by her huge faith. Now, all I’m praying for is that Mary and Joseph lead Elyna to their Son Jesus, and that she can go in peace and without pain. 

I have been journeying through a summer of hopelessness, but I am encouraged with the journey ahead. Hope is never still. Hope is a journey. It’s life’s journey. Elyna’s journey here on earth may be coming to an end, but an even better one is about to begin for her in heaven. I am hopeful that no matter what’s ahead, my autumn will be filled with hope, because hope is on my mind. And I hope I can share and spread this unwavering hope with others that are going through difficult times, especially those on my long list of cancer patients who are praying for a miracle. Just like Elyna showed me what true faith is by offering her suffering for a young mother, I will offer my moments of despair for Elyna, so God, through the intercession of Mary and her beloved spouse Joseph, grants her the joy of a happy death. 

St. Joseph and Mama Mary, join me in praying for Elyna and please, lead her to Your Son quickly and peacefully. 

Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.