“We may let the scaffolds fall, confident that we have built our wall.” Seamus Heaney
This week, my daughter Chabeli and her boyfriend Daniel got engaged. The moment was totally unplanned. No picnic by the beach or plane flying overhead with a banner that said “Will you marry me?” No restaurant with violins playing or a beautiful background of mountains. As a matter of fact, the engagement took place on a busy New York street with scaffolding as its backdrop.
It reminded me of another impromptu engagement, almost 40 years ago, on the 836 expressway. We were on our way home from the beach on July 4th, 1982. My birthday is on July 5th and Rafael wanted to give me my gift when the clock struck midnight. We were rushing to get home, but didn’t quite make it. So he pulled to the shoulder, got out of the car, went to the trunk, and grabbed a huge box covered in birthday gift wrap. The box was heavy so the last thing I expected was a ring. I opened it only to find a pair of old and smelly tennis shoes, and lots of teared up newspapers. “What in the world?” I thought to myself. But in the midst of that mess, was a little box with a ring inside. I’m still waiting for him to get on one knee and actually propose, a little difficult to do in the middle of a busy expressway, but here we still are about to celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary in three months.
When my daughter sent me the video, which luckily was taken by a pedestrian who stopped to witness the proposal, and I saw the scaffolding on the background, I was reminded of a reading at Emily and Rafi’s wedding:
“Masons, when they start upon a building, are careful to test out the scaffolding; Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points, secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints. And yet all this comes down when the job's done showing off walls of sure and solid stone. So if, my dear, there sometimes seems to be old bridges breaking between you and me never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall, confident that we have built our wall.” Seamus Heaney
Chabeli and Daniel, you have been building the walls of your relationship for almost eight years. It is now time to let the scaffolds fall. They don’t need to stay in your relationship forever, like the permanent scaffolding in New York. When you started your relationship, like the masons, you had to test each other out to make sure that you fit well together. You had to adjust your bolts and planks so you could be sure that what you felt for each other was real, and it wouldn’t come down with the first storm. Your relationship is now on solid ground, but never let your guard down because the strongest walls collapse if they are not well cared for. Therefore, continue to strengthen your walls with romantic gestures, spontaneous dates and words that build up and reinforce what you have built together. The old scaffolds will fall but the strong walls will remain forever.
I am so happy for both of you. It was truly a magical moment which couldn’t have surprised Chabeli more. The last thing on her mind when she walked out of that bagel shop was that Daniel would be waiting for her and would propose right then and there. But those unplanned proposals lead to something wonderful. Just look at dad and I… no picnic by the beach or plane flying overhead with a banner that said “Will you marry me?” There were lots of planes flying overhead because we were by the Miami airport, but to me, it was the most magical moment as I know it was for my Chabeli. So congratulations and I hope that 40 years from now, you will be sharing your magical proposal with your own children.
Copyright © 2022 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.
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