Letters to Heaven: I Am Just an Ordinary Little Pencil in Your Hands

"Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work." H. L. Hunt

September 25, 2007

Dear Jesus:

This past weekend, I heard your voice loud and clear. I heard your message. I heard your request. However, I have been struggling with the fact that my schedule is jam packed. I have been reviewing my commitments to determine what I can give up in order to make time to obey You.

This morning, I received an email with the above "thought for the day." You are basically telling me that I'm the one that has to decide what I want and what I'm willing to give up for it. You are also sending me a subtle message that I need to re-establish my priorities. You should be my first priority, followed by my family, and then, everything else.

I want to obey You, Jesus, I really do. I want to spread your message of love to the whole world. I have been writing a lot on my journal. I have been feeling the Holy Spirit inspiring me. But I'm still struggling with what I should give up to make more time for You. I cannot give up family time because that's already pretty limited. I cannot give up more time from my job because as it is, I'm going to the office just three times a week. I also have other commitments that I simply can't drop right now. But I can definitely organize my time better in order to dedicate one hour each day to writing. I can spend my first hour of each day meditating on your word. This will get my inspiration juices flowing.

Jesus, I know that if I really want to, I can do it. I know that if You really want me to spread your message, You will help me. I place myself at your service, Lord. I am your handmaiden.

I love You, Jesus!!!

"I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world." St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

September 25, 2008

Dear Jesus:

It's been four days since I finished the Spiritual Exercises and I'm still floating. I feel so happy at your confirmation that what You want from me is to write. I'm not even afraid anymore because I know that You are in control. You will be the one that guides me and will bring my writings to the light if it is your desire. I'm not going to think about the end result, I'm only going to think about the task at hand which is to write. I am also not going to worry about my time constraints. Of course, I have responsibilities that I need to attend to: family, work and home. But I know that I will be able to handle everything with your help.

Today is the first day within my plan that I'm dedicating to You fully. I began the day by walking, praying, and meditating your word. Now, I place myself in your hands. I come to You humbly to use me as your instrument to get your message on paper. I have no plan so it's up to You to guide me. Please, send me your Holy Spirit so that your message can freely flow through me into the paper. I am just an ordinary little pencil in your hands.

I feel very unworthy for this task. I still don't understand why You chose me. You must have your reasons and I won't question them. I am humbled by your request and I promise to do my best to serve You within my limited abilities. I place all my trust in You, my Lord. I already know that I'm embarking on an adventure with You. I want to do what You ask of me. I really do want to follow You wherever You lead me. I am answering your call. Please give me the strength not to stumble and fall. Give me the wisdom to recognize when the enemy uses things or people to get on the way. Help me to gently, but firmly, push them aside. Help me to move forward, and focus on You, Jesus, so that I may do what You want me to do.

I love You, Jesus!!!

"Your words are more powerful than you might think. God can speak through you to help others grow closer to him. The more you open your life, the greater impact you can have." The Word Amongst Us Meditation 8-1-17

September 25, 2017

Dear Jesus:

It was during my first Spiritual Exercises in 2007 when You first planted the seed in my heart that You wanted me to write. I had already been writing for a while in my journal but I didn't want to share You. I wanted to hug You all to myself. You had a different plan. You wanted me to share You. You didn't want me to keep You hidden inside my heart. You wanted me to spread your light into the darkness of the world. You are the light that can help this world come out of the shadows and You didn't want me to keep that light hidden any longer.

I fought You at first because I felt so unworthy. I was just an ordinary woman without any extraordinary talents. But I was being selfish. You knew that if I accepted to be an ordinary pencil in your hands, You would turn my ordinary words into something extraordinary because they would be your words, not mine. I had no idea where the road would lead me, but all I knew was that I had to share the treasure that lived within my heart. The world is hungry for love and I am full of love because I have You. You are love and the world needs You. You needed me to be your messenger and to spread your love.

It took me a while to answer your call. I came up with every possible excuse not to do it. They seemed like good, logical reasons at the time: I don't have the time; I have other responsibilities; the idea didn't come from You, it's just a crazy idea that popped into my head, and it has nothing to do with a request from above. But You knew that I was just making excuses, and therefore You confirmed your request over and over again. Every meditation I read, every homily that I heard, every thought that popped into my mind, was pointing me in the same direction. You were clearly telling me: "Stop procrastinating and start writing."

When I returned to the Spiritual Exercises in 2008, I had written a lot but I had not shared anything. You confirmed your message to me from the previous year, but this time You took it one step further. You told me that I had to share my writings. Was I scared? Extremely. I was not scared of writing, but I was terrified of sharing it. I trusted You completely, though, and You provided the tools.

First, You inspired me to write some Lenten meditations. In 2009, I wrote and shared "48 Steps to Easter" with my Emmaus community. Then, You led me to Bible classes so I could study Your Word and I could learn more about You. You helped me create a blog, something extraordinary since I am technically obtuse. But You taught me how to do it and made something very difficult quite simple. And now, I'm sharing my blog beyond my community of faith. I am sharing it through Facebook. I have no idea how many hearts I'm touching, but the other day, I received an anonymous message in German. I had to translate it to English in order to understand it. It said: "Many thanks for the detailed description. Some good suggestions. I will share your contribution in Facebook and Google." At first, I got a little nervous that my blog could be read all over the world, but then I thought, this is God's project, not mine. You will spread it to those hearts that are ready to receive Your message. I am truly amazed by You, and what You have been able to do with such an ordinary little pencil.

Thank You for showing me what You needed from me, and Thank You for empowering me to answer your call. You seem to have multiplied my time in so many ways. I still have the same time constraints that I had ten years ago, but somehow, someway, You make the impossible possible, and my time has multiplied in ways that I can't even begin to comprehend. It's only because of You that I am able to juggle so many balls in the air.

I love being a pencil in your hands, Jesus. You are constantly surprising me. And You never cease to amaze me.

I love You, Jesus!!!