Holy Saturday (April 11, 2009)
My grandfather died twenty years ago today. It was the first time I lost a close relative. I remember the day after the burial was the worst. I felt such emptiness in my heart and such a feeling of desolation. I needed company. I needed noise. I had to leave the house because the walls were crowding in on me.
Today is that day for Mary. Last night, I spent a few hours with her. I had not planned on it. I went to sleep at 10 pm exhausted and I felt asleep the minute my head hit the pillow. An hour later my cell phone rang. I usually leave it in top of the night table, but last night I forgot. I got up and tried to find my purse in the darkness. By the time I got to the cell phone, I had missed the call and as I read “missed call from Rafi,” the house phone began to ring. I ran back to the night table, grabbed the phone and woke up completely to my son’s voice “mom, I’m in the hospital.”
Those are the words every parent dreads to hear, but at least this time it was him calling me so it couldn’t be so bad. He’s had a cold for over a week and can’t seem to get rid of a dry cough, in spite of the antibiotics and the cough medicine that the doctor prescribed last Monday. Yesterday, as he was coughing, he felt an intense pain in his chest, so they sent him to the hospital for X-rays. At this point, of course, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I sat in the living room, I prayed the rosary, I talked to Mary, and we consoled each other. I felt her pain because I figured, if I am feeling so helpless because my son is in New Jersey having X-rays in the middle of the night and I can’t be with him, how much worst Mary had to feel knowing that her Son had died such an unfair and horrific death just a few hours ago, and she couldn’t do anything about it. We sat side by side next to Jesus’ tomb and as I felt her weeping in my heart, she comforted me.
As Jesus was crucified, our old sinful self was crucified with Him. His crucifixion gives us hope that the death to our old self will leave us empty so that He can pour new life into us. As I sat by the tomb last night, waiting for my son to call me again, I felt the darkness of the hour Jesus had just lived. But I also saw a glimpse of the light that we will experience tomorrow in His Resurrection.
My son finally called me that his lungs were fine but even though they could not see it in the X-rays, they thought the coughing might have caused him to fracture a rib. They sent him back to the university health center with pain killers and a stronger antibiotic. They are keeping him at the clinic for a few days under observation. It’s a good thing I did not cancel my trip because of the plumbing disaster. Even though I wish I could hop in the next plane out to New Jersey, I know he’s in good hands and God willing, I will be with him on Wednesday night.
Today, I’ve experienced the same feelings I felt twenty years ago when my grandfather passed away. The same emptiness and the same feelings of desolation. The walls are crowding in on me. I imagine Mary sitting by herself, feeling the same way. She needs our company and our love. Can you spend a little time with her?
Holy Saturday at the Sea of Galilee (March 31, 2018)
I will be spending this morning at the Sea of Galilee, listening to mass on a boat. It is the same sea where Jesus went out fishing with his disciples, the same sea where He walked on water... later we will go to the place where the multiplication of the fish and bread took place, and we will eat a similar meal. Am I dreaming? I keep pinching myself, but it looks like it’s not a dream. I’m truly here. I feel so blessed.
Last night we had a service for Good Friday in Tiberias. The main thing that I took with me from the service is that Jesus willingly went to the cross because He loves each one of us so deeply. When we love someone, we are going to suffer because love and suffering go hand in hand. Mama Mary suffered because she loved Jesus so deeply. We suffer when we see someone that we love go through something difficult. And Jesus suffered because He loves us.
Let’s think about that today. How much do we love Him back? Are we willing to suffer for the love of Jesus?
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