Letters to Heaven: Help Us Climb the Mountain

"Trust always and a great deal in divine providence; never never must you let yourselves be discouraged, despite contrary winds. I say it again: trust in God and Mary Immaculate; be faithful and forge ahead!" St. Mother Pauline of the Agonizing Heart of Jesus

May 27, 2009

Dear Jesus:

Here I am, in our sacred garden. I need alone time with You. I hope You have time to come sit with me. The pain in my heart is sometimes unbearable. Today is one of those days. I don't even know what to write. Thoughts evade my mind. I don't want to keep dwelling on the same subject but at the same time, I can't stop.

It's storming outside. The storms outside reflect the storm raging in my mind. I feel like screaming. I feel like running away from everything and everyone. I know I can't. Rafe needs me. We need to handle this together, as a team. He needs to lien on me and I need to lien on You. The kids also need me. Chabeli and Alex have their own issues and they need to know that they can count on me. It's not fair to them that most of my attention is going to Rafi right now.

Rafi didn't have a good day yesterday. I'm so concerned, so overwhelmed... I don't know that I'm capable to handle all of this. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I have been feeling so discouraged, so angry... I have all these feelings inside and I don't want to feel angry. I know that there is a reason why this illness overcame Rafi and I need to trust with all my heart that there will be a happy ending. But at the same time, I am so scared.

I feel like we are climbing a high mountain and the end is nowhere in sight... But we must forge ahead. I know that You are by our side and I know that You will never abandon us. I know that one day, we will see the sun again.

Please Jesus, throw me a rope because I feel like I'm drowning. You are my strength, my rock and my guide. I am still walking because of You. Please do not abandon me.

I love You, Jesus!!!

July 2, 2017

Dear Jesus:

Thank You for not abandoning us. Thank You for helping us climb the mountain. Thank You for carrying our heavy burden in your strong shoulders. Thank You for putting up with my anger. I knew that it was not fair to be angry at You, but I was angry anyway. Thank You for providing us with the strength and wisdom that we needed to make the right decisions for Rafi.

Thank You for grabbing us and pulling us as we climbed a very difficult mountain.

I love You, Jesus!!!