Letters to Heaven: Through the Wringer

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." —PSALM 23:1–4

July 21, 2009

Dear Jesus:

Some days are just more than I can bear. Today, I'm down in the dumps. I have no energy or desire to do anything. Rafi is down in the dump too. He also has no energy. I truly detest to see him like this, and I wish I had the energy to motivate him, to pull him out of the dumps, but the pain in my heart is so intense, that I feel paralyzed.

Today I feel as if my heart has been stepped on, hit, bombarded, ripped apart... It feels as if it went through the wringer. The pain is unbearable. There is nothing more agonizing for a mother than to see her child suffer. Rafi is suffering and my heart is crying out in pain.

I know that I need to get my act together to be able to help him. I'm no help if I'm crawling. I need to come out of the hole and start acting. Please, Jesus, give me the strength to get moving, to do what needs to be done. I need to support him and be available for him.

I feel lost and lonely, like a sheep without a shepherd. Rafi is feeling even worst so I need to be able to guide him and lead him back to health. Please give me the courage and motivation to do what needs to be done. 

Please calm my fears, Jesus. Every time I see a light, I come upon another turn in the road and I'm immersed once again in complete darkness. The road is filled with obstacles and more obstacles.

I'm holding on to You, Jesus, as hard as I can. You need to pull me because my feet cannot walk another step. I also need to ask You to pull Rafi because he has fallen deeply in a ditch, and he is having a very hard time coming out. I think that part of the reason is that he has felt rejected by a girl that he was pursuing. Please, Jesus, help him to meet the right girl. Lead him towards someone that can help him become a better person, someone that believes in him and encourages him, someone that can look beyond his outer shell and discover the inner Rafi, the gentle Rafi with his good feelings, good intentions, intense emotions, passions, and love for life.

I'm scared, Jesus. I'm terrified. Please, throw him a rope and pull him out. It's been a very tough week for him. Jesus, please, take care of Rafi. Please, Jesus, heal Rafi. Give me back my healthy boy.

I love You, Jesus!!!

July 21, 2017

Dear Jesus:

Thank You for giving me the strength to crawl out of the hole. Little by little, with your help, I was able to climb my way back up. Every time I was down in the dumps, You pulled me out and helped me to feel better.

Thank You for not giving up on us. You kept sending us the help that we needed through various sources. Thank You for pulling my Rafi out of the ditch, and thank You for leading him to Emily. She's the girl that I prayed for all those years ago. It took him a couple of years to meet her, but she was worth the wait.

Thank You for always being our good shepherd, especially when our hearts were being squeezed through the wringer.

I love You, Jesus!!!