“Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly.” Matthew 1:19
Joseph knows. I knew it the minute I saw him. He came to see me yesterday, in the afternoon. As opposed to the previous night, there was no joy in him. This time, he did not bring me flowers. We did not sit outside to talk and enjoy each other’s company.
When I saw him coming towards the house through my window, he looked like he had aged ten years. He was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. That’s how I knew that he knew.
He knocked at the door, and I opened it. I was home alone. “Is it true?” he asked me. I did not have to answer him. He could read the truth in my eyes. “Who told you?” I asked him. “Clopas came to congratulate me,” he said. “I guess you mentioned it to Salome, and she told Clopas.” We had a short conversation. I wanted to explain it all to him, but how could I? “He would never believe my story,” I kept telling myself. Joseph was a normal, simple, hard working man. He was not going to believe stories about celestial messages. Our short conversation concluded with him saying: “I don’t understand.” I could tell that he was at the verge of crying, but he was holding back the tears. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him that I was the same Mary that he loved. I wanted to tell him that I was still a virgin, that I had not been with another man. But I didn’t say a word. When he left, he looked like a very old man.
I hardly slept last night. My soul was full of tenderness and compassion for the suffering that I knew I had caused Joseph. “I waited too long,” I kept telling myself. “Maybe if I had told him before he found out through his brother Clopas, he would have believed me.” I kept praying to the Lord to please send an angel to Joseph, just like he had sent one to me to announce the good news.
I finally resigned the whole matter into the hands of divine Providence. Although my compassion for Joseph and my love for him made me anxious to console and comfort him, I had to wait and trust that the Lord would make things right in His time, not mine. I knew that somehow Joseph had to be part of the plan, and that he had been chosen by God to be the earthly father of His Son. I just had to be patient, and allow God to reveal His plan to Joseph in His own peculiar way.
It’s morning now, and though I should be busy with domestic duties, it’s like if all the energy has been extracted from my body. My aunt asked me if I was sick, since she was concerned that I was still in my room long after the sun came out. I must have looked pale to her because she told me that it would be best if I stayed in bed and rested. I am alone now, writing on my journal.
I knew that Salome could not keep the secret. Yes, she did not tell Joseph directly, but she had to tell someone, and sure enough, Joseph found out. But it was not fair to blame Salome completely. Joseph was going to find out sooner or later. I just wished it had been later.
My biggest concern was thinking about what Joseph needed to do. According to our laws, he was obliged to deliver me to the authorities to be stoned, for this was the punishment of an adulteress convicted of the crime. But I could not imagine that the Lord would allow this. If I was carrying God’s Son, surely He would protect us.
I prayed to the Lord to console Joseph, and to reveal the mystery to him, just like He had revealed it to Zacharias and Elizabeth.
Reflection:
Mary had the same worries and fears that any young girl in her condition would have experienced. Who is Mary to me personally? What is her place in my life? When have I said "yes" to God, not knowing the consequences or outcome of my obedience?
Copyright © 2019 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.
Resources from the following books are being used on this journey:
1. The Mystical City of God: A Popular Abridgement of the Divine History and Live of the Virgin Mother of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda
2. The World’s First Love: Mary, Mother of God by Fulton J. Sheen
3. Las Palabras Calladas: Diario de Maria de Nazaret by Pedro Miguel Lamet
4. My Soul Magnifies the Lord: A Scriptural Journey with Mary by Jeanne Kun
All Bible references are from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise specified.
When I saw him coming towards the house through my window, he looked like he had aged ten years. He was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. That’s how I knew that he knew.
He knocked at the door, and I opened it. I was home alone. “Is it true?” he asked me. I did not have to answer him. He could read the truth in my eyes. “Who told you?” I asked him. “Clopas came to congratulate me,” he said. “I guess you mentioned it to Salome, and she told Clopas.” We had a short conversation. I wanted to explain it all to him, but how could I? “He would never believe my story,” I kept telling myself. Joseph was a normal, simple, hard working man. He was not going to believe stories about celestial messages. Our short conversation concluded with him saying: “I don’t understand.” I could tell that he was at the verge of crying, but he was holding back the tears. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him that I was the same Mary that he loved. I wanted to tell him that I was still a virgin, that I had not been with another man. But I didn’t say a word. When he left, he looked like a very old man.
I hardly slept last night. My soul was full of tenderness and compassion for the suffering that I knew I had caused Joseph. “I waited too long,” I kept telling myself. “Maybe if I had told him before he found out through his brother Clopas, he would have believed me.” I kept praying to the Lord to please send an angel to Joseph, just like he had sent one to me to announce the good news.
I finally resigned the whole matter into the hands of divine Providence. Although my compassion for Joseph and my love for him made me anxious to console and comfort him, I had to wait and trust that the Lord would make things right in His time, not mine. I knew that somehow Joseph had to be part of the plan, and that he had been chosen by God to be the earthly father of His Son. I just had to be patient, and allow God to reveal His plan to Joseph in His own peculiar way.
It’s morning now, and though I should be busy with domestic duties, it’s like if all the energy has been extracted from my body. My aunt asked me if I was sick, since she was concerned that I was still in my room long after the sun came out. I must have looked pale to her because she told me that it would be best if I stayed in bed and rested. I am alone now, writing on my journal.
I knew that Salome could not keep the secret. Yes, she did not tell Joseph directly, but she had to tell someone, and sure enough, Joseph found out. But it was not fair to blame Salome completely. Joseph was going to find out sooner or later. I just wished it had been later.
My biggest concern was thinking about what Joseph needed to do. According to our laws, he was obliged to deliver me to the authorities to be stoned, for this was the punishment of an adulteress convicted of the crime. But I could not imagine that the Lord would allow this. If I was carrying God’s Son, surely He would protect us.
I prayed to the Lord to console Joseph, and to reveal the mystery to him, just like He had revealed it to Zacharias and Elizabeth.
Reflection:
Mary had the same worries and fears that any young girl in her condition would have experienced. Who is Mary to me personally? What is her place in my life? When have I said "yes" to God, not knowing the consequences or outcome of my obedience?
Copyright © 2019 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.
Resources from the following books are being used on this journey:
1. The Mystical City of God: A Popular Abridgement of the Divine History and Live of the Virgin Mother of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda
2. The World’s First Love: Mary, Mother of God by Fulton J. Sheen
3. Las Palabras Calladas: Diario de Maria de Nazaret by Pedro Miguel Lamet
4. My Soul Magnifies the Lord: A Scriptural Journey with Mary by Jeanne Kun
All Bible references are from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise specified.
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