“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow.” Psalms 31:9-10
A few days passed and I did not hear a word from Joseph. I never suffered such intense agony as in those days when despite myself, I brought worry to Joseph, who was so just. Finally, five days after he found out, he came back to visit me.
“Mary,” he said to me, “It seems impossible to believe you guilty, because of your goodness and purity. But yet, you are expecting a child that is clearly not mine.”
I just nodded and didn’t say a word. I was waiting for some sign from God to reveal the secret to Joseph, but since I did not receive any more messages from God to disclose the mystery, I kept the secret concealed within my heart.
“I cannot continue with our betrothal, Mary, under these circumstances” said Joseph. “Yet, at the same time, I do not want to deliver you to the authorities to be stoned. I could not bear that punishment for you because I know that you have a good and gentle heart. I do not know how this could possibly have happened to us, but I know that I don’t want to shame you publicly. I do not wish to injure your reputation of holiness by involving you in the punishment of the law; yet at the same time I cannot stand by and witness the consequences of your pregnancy. Therefore, the best solution would be for me to divorce you quietly. You should return to Elizabeth and Zacharias’ house until the birth of the baby. I will leave now, Mary, and commit myself to the providence of the Lord, who governs me. Be safe, Mary, and may the Lord go with you.”
My heart broke into a million pieces when I heard his words. At night, I said a prayer to the angel Gabriel, who had come to announce God’s message to me. “I beseech you, angel Gabriel, to present before God’s clemency the afflictions of my spouse Joseph. Beseech the Lord to look upon him and console him as a true Father. And you also, who so devotedly obey His words, hear likewise my prayers; in the name of Him who is infinite, and to whom I am to give human shape in my womb, I pray, beseech and supplicate you, that without delay you assist and relieve my most faithful spouse in the affliction of his heart and drive from his mind and heart his resolve of leaving me.”
I also prostrated myself on the floor, and prayed directly to God: “Lord and God of my soul, I see Joseph overwhelmed by the tribulation, which You have sent him. If I have found grace in your eyes, I beseech You, Lord and eternal God, by the love which obliged You to enter into the womb of your humble servant for the salvation of mankind, to be pleased to console your servant Joseph and dispose him to assist me in the fulfillment of your great works. Do not permit, my Lord and God, that he execute his resolve and withdraw from me.”
I want to trust the Lord with all my heart, but tonight, I am feeling very anxious.
Reflection:
Many times I feel a lot of anxiety, just like Mary did. How do I react when I feel anxious? Do I turn to the Lord or do I try to resolve the problems on my own?
Copyright © 2019 Christy Romero. All rights reserved.
Resources from the following books are being used on this journey:
1. The Mystical City of God: A Popular Abridgement of the Divine History and Live of the Virgin Mother of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda
2. The World’s First Love: Mary, Mother of God by Fulton J. Sheen
3. Las Palabras Calladas: Diario de Maria de Nazaret by Pedro Miguel Lamet
4. My Soul Magnifies the Lord: A Scriptural Journey with Mary by Jeanne Kun
All Bible references are from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise specified.
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